X and Y

    At the very first, my personal definitions of self-confidence and self-abasement come first: the two states of mind both symbolize the self-prediction for the personal value or the probability of achieving, such as being loved, passing an exam or even doing some trifles in life; they are influenced by complicated factors and always changing; they are conditional to change into each other.

    Innumerous factors influence the dynamic state of mind of human beings—being self-confident or self-abased or self-conceited and all that—which is always changing. In this article, the huge universe of them will be simplified into two strings—X and Y in a coordinate system so as to become easily fathomable (sorry for my overgeneralization). The X is called Power or Authority and the Y Relation. The Power part originates from the innate fear for death or,in other words, the possibility of surviving—to make it more understandable, when the end of world is nigh, who is more qualified for the ticket. Higher social status, more money, better appearance, higher grades constitute the main criteria for the judgement of this aspect. If there is only X reigning, everything will be easier to predict and evaluate and, brutal: more power, more self-confidence and; less power, more self-abasement. Y, a bliss and a curse, is the social factor as uncertain as rolling a dice for thousands of times. The family (especially the parents), friends, the authorities as teachers, even pedestrians past by and soon together make a series of mirrors reflecting the state of the person, which he will take it seriously and remake himself in accordance with it. And how they choose to reflect is complicated: if they love this person; if they think encouragement or discouragement will work in education; if they know how to love and care in a harmless way; if they are themselves constrained in the X net and so on—the dice is continuously swiveling and no one knows the next result. Y works a lot: a relation full of gentle love and care will catch the dropping one who’s fallen from the Power; nevertheless, powerful as the one is, a harmful relation will pull him down as well.

    The two strings contribute together: one with more power and more supportive relations or one with less power but with high-quality relations tend to has higher self-evaluation and confidence; and the opposite is easily to fall into lower self-evaluation and self-abasement.

If the model makes sense, do people still have any choice to change? Certainly yes. And the core is: be your own supportive relation—construct your evaluation system; erect a shield between the out and the in; love yourself; care your own feelings; be your own mirror and catching net and trust yourself that you are worthy of love.

Other expressions about self:

Alfred Adler:what life should mean to you ; the courage to be hated

自负：self-conceit; conceited

自卑感：inferiority feeling       Othello; Desdemona; Iago;

优越感：superiority feeling

自尊：self-esteem              Jane Eyre

自恋：narcissistic；narcissism    the ancient Greek mythology; Narcissus andEcho 

自怜：self-pity