这是最近被热议的高考顶替案件,引发了公众对教育公平乃至社会公平的探讨。
今天翻译思路拆解的原文就选网络上关于这起事件的一篇社评,截取了其中两段。
译文及思路拆解由译群人翻译团队原创。
第一段
“历史的一粒尘埃,落在一个人头上,就是一座大山。”这句疯传于新冠疫情早期的话,对于遭遇高考顶替的苟晶们的命运,可以说也是最贴切的总结。只不过她们面对的尘埃,可能仅仅是高三老师的一只手,在捏住她们梦寐以求的大学录取通知书的同时,也捏住了她们命运的咽喉。
这段话中运用了大量的隐喻,比如“尘埃”和“大山”,“手”和“咽喉”。
先看第一句。
“历史的一粒尘埃,落在一个人头上,就是一座大山。”这句疯传于新冠疫情早期的话,对于遭遇高考顶替的苟晶们的命运,可以说也是最贴切的总结。
这句引语出自圆圆的日记,现在已经在海外上市了。对于这种金句,直接上网搜现成的翻译即可:
a speck of dirt in history is as heavy as a mountain for the ordinary.
就不过多展开解释了。
接着看后半句:
这句疯传于新冠疫情早期的话,对于遭遇高考顶替的苟晶们的命运,可以说也是最贴切的总结。
先挑出句子主干:
这句话是总结。
“这句话”,可以理解为引语quote。如果这个句子出自一部电影或戏剧,还可以理解为台词line。
“疯传于新冠疫情早期的话”,偏正结构,可以用定语从句,the quote that went viral in the Covid-19 outbreak;也可以在这里把句子断开,用一个完整句来翻译:
The quote, …, went viral on the internet as the nation was reeling from the Covid-19 outbreak.
后面另起一句,用it做主语,指代the quote,再接着往下写就是了。
“遭遇高考顶替的苟晶们”,这是这句话的难点。首先“遭遇高考顶替”需要用到suffer吗?如果用,那么“顶替”这个动词必然要处理为名词形式,等于是句子平白无故多了一个suffer动词。因此可以直接翻译成“被顶替”Take sb’s place, impersonate,放在定从里,修饰苟晶。
关于这起事件的外媒报道中,还有这样的表达:those cheated out of a university place/spot/education,此处也可以用。
除了用定语从句、后置定语,这个部分还可以处理成时间状语从句:
Gou Jing whose dream was shattered and future denied when someone else (her class teacher in her junior year of high school let his daughter) took her place at college.
当然,如果有需要的话,可以查证一些背景资料,把事情的来龙去脉稍微提一提,如括号中所述。考虑到下一句提到了一个“高三老师”,因此我们建议,括号中的内容在翻译第一句话的时候就出现,否则下面突然来个“高三老师”,对于不了解事情前因后果的读者来说实在是太残忍了。
“苟晶们”,其实是苟晶和与之有着相似遭遇的人们,因此这个部分的译文结构可以是:
Gou Jing who was impersonated at the college entrance/whose dreams… and those who shared the same experience/those cheated out of a university place/spot/education
“最贴切的总结”,可以保留“总结”的名词形式:is/becomes the most appropriate conclusion;也可以用动词形式:neatly encapsulate…
到这里,第一句的译文就出来了:
挤在一句话里:
“One speck of dust in history, when falling on one’s head, becomes a mountain.” This quote that went viral at the COVID-19 outbreak has become the most appropriate conclusion of the lives of Gou Jing who had been impersonated at the college entrance and those who shared the same experience.
拆成两句话:
The quote, “…” went viral on the internet as the nation was reeling from the Covid-19 outbreak. It neatly encapsulates the fate of Gou Jing, whose dreams were shattered and future denied when someone else took her place at college, and those who shared the same experience.
第二句
只不过她们面对的尘埃,可能仅仅是高三老师的一只手,在捏住她们梦寐以求的大学录取通知书的同时,也捏住了她们命运的咽喉。
这是一个大隐喻,尘埃是手,而手拿走了通知书,捏住了喉咙。句子主干就是这样。
“面对的”,前面那句引语里用了when falling on one’s head,这里的“面对”不妨直接搬运那里的动词:the dust falling on their head。
两个“捏住”,但可以根据宾语选不同的动词。
宾语是the long-awaited admission letters from universities,动词可以搭配withhold。
另一个宾语“命运的咽喉”,比较抽象,具体理解为这双手扼杀了他们的个人成长,因为他们本来可以进大学读书,有更加光明的未来和发展,但这个机会被剥夺了。
到这里,这句译文也出来了:
Yet the dust falling on their head could be the hands of their high school teachers, which withheld their long-awaited admission letters from universities and strangled their personal growth.
第二段
我们谴责20多年前“邱老师”们的恶行,也不应忽视今天批评苟晶“破坏当地形象”的刺耳声音。我们期待自己和儿女享受更为公平、更有底线的竞争环境,就不应止步于旁观苟晶的遭遇。面对勇敢的苟晶,我们有义务陪同她去寻找真相,也有义务敦促立法、执法和司法机关交付迟来的正义。
看第一句:
我们谴责20多年前“邱老师”们的恶行,也不应忽视今天批评苟晶“破坏当地形象”的刺耳声音。
可以用when从句+主句的形式:
When我们谴责……,we should not 忽视……
可以把“刺耳”一词作为主句的谓语,同时前半句的“谴责”动词就转为了名词:
Amid 谴责 over 恶行,there emerges the harsh accusation against 苟晶“破坏当地形象”
再看一些词:
“谴责”,动词可以是denounce, criticize,名词可以是outcry (at/against/over sth.), criticism;
“恶行”,这种冒名顶替是侵犯公民的姓名权,如果冒名顶替后从事诈骗活动,则上升到犯罪行为。但此语境中的“冒名顶替”更多还是违法行为wrongdoing,crime程度过重了一些。
当然,我们不是法律专家,对案件的分析仅局限于网络上了解到的,如果有法律界人士认为这样的界定不妥,欢迎在评论区温柔提醒哈。
“刺耳声音”,“刺耳”harsh,“声音”是sound, voice吗?这里要具体化处理为评论comment或指责accusation;
“……们”,上一句的“苟晶们”处理的是those who shared the same experience,这里的“邱老师们”是不太好的一类人,可以用ilk一词,通常是带贬义的。
到这里译文也可以出来了:
When我们谴责……,we should not 忽视……
When we denounce the wrongdoings by those teachers over 20 years ago, we should not ignore the harsh comments that Gou Jing had “damaged the image of local authorities”.
Amid 谴责 over 恶行,there emerges the harsh accusation against 苟晶“破坏当地形象”
Amid public outcry over the wrongdoings by the perpetrator and his ilk over two decades ago, there emerges the harsh accusation against Gou Jing of undermining the local reputation.
第二句
我们期待自己和儿女享受更为公平、更有底线的竞争环境,就不应止步于旁观苟晶的遭遇。
句子结构很清晰,是个“如果……就……”的句式:
If we 期待……,we should not止步于旁观……
再看个别词:
“公平的竞争环境”,有个词组大家一定要记住:a level playing field,意思是:a situation in which everyone has the same opportunities。
“更有底线的”,这个部分要先理解,不是环境有底线,而是在这个环境里的人做事有底线,因此可以把这个修饰成分做定语从句放到后面。涉及到动作的修饰语,最简便的处理方法就是做定语从句:
A level playing field where people stick to basic ethical principles
“止步于”,这个动作其实没有太多意义,主句的关键信息在于“旁观”。“止步于”用一个表否定的词not, never带过即可。
“旁观”,可以处理为名词形式be (indifferent/idle) bystanders/spectators,可以是动词stand by idly/indifferently, sit on our hands
译文可以是:
We cannot afford to be bystanders to Gou Jing’s misery/We should not sit on our hands if we are to build a level playing field where people stick to basic ethical principles for us and our children/for the generations to come.
第三句
面对勇敢的苟晶,我们有义务陪同她去寻找真相,也有义务敦促立法、执法和司法机关交付迟来的正义。
句式方面,
“我们有义务做某事”,可以用“我们”做主语:
We are obliged to do...
也可以用it is one’s duty to do的句式:
It is, therefore, our duty to...
再抠词,
“陪同”,可以用个简单的小介词with her。
还可以结合前面的“勇敢的”和“寻找真相”,用动词+介词短语的结构把这几个信息都揉到一起:support Gou Jing in her courageous pursuit of the truth
“迟来的”,可以形容词belated,也可以用定语从句:... that is long overdue.
译文大概写一个:
“我们有义务做某事”,可以用“我们”做主语:
We are obliged to seek the truth with Gou Jing who was brave enough to tell what happened to her, and urge legislative, enforcement and judicial authorities to deliver the belated justice/justice that is long overdue.
用it is one’s duty to do的句式:
It is, therefore, our duty to support Gou Jing in her courageous pursuit of the truth and to urge legislative, enforcement and judicial authorities/the legal system to deliver the belated justice/justice that is long overdue.
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