Reading the book Beyond Feelings: A Guide to Critical Thinking (9th edition) by Vincent Ryan Ruggiero made me aware of an extremely important idea that solves a puzzle that has been bothering me for a long time, namely how to achieve success and happiness spontaneously.
According to the Russian psychologist Maslow, there are five basic human needs; the lower ones must be met first and then the higher ones can be realized. After food, shelter and love comes self-esteem and finally, self-actualization is at the top. I used to doubt this very much. Many social elites, like Zhang Guorong, who was so loved and respected by his fans, friends and beloved Mr Tang. Zhang had everything: money, fame, love, self-esteem and self-realization; yet he committed suicide. Writers, musicians, doctors, and bankers... many successful people, after their personal and professional success, no longer felt happy and took their own lives. Why? The five levels of human needs from low to high were all met, yet they were so unhappy that they suffered from depression and committed suicide. Maslow's theory fails to explain this misery: Why are many successful people unhappy?
In the book Beyond Feelings, the author quotes Austrian psychiatrist Viktor E. Frankl, who survived as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War II and chronicled his experiences in Man's Search for Meaning. "Making self-actualization (or happiness) the direct object of our pursuit, in Frankl's view, is ultimately self-defeating; such fulfilment can occur only as "the unintended effect of self-transcendence" (Ruggiero 23). Frankl believes that "one human need is higher than self-actualization: self-transcendence, the need to rise above narrow absorption with self". (13) According to Frankl, "the primordial anthropological fact [is] that being human is being always directed, and pointing to something or someone other than oneself: to a meaning to fulfil or another human being to encounter, a cause to serve or a person to love" (Ditto). "A person becomes fully human "by forgetting himself and giving himself, overlooking himself and focusing outward." (Ditto)
These words are jewels of wisdom, which disrupt Maslow's theory and explain well what makes human life meaningful, successful and happy： devoting oneself to a meaningful activity or a particular cause or project or service to others, people become so involved that they forget their little selves and go beyond their narrow existence. In doing so, they realize self-transcendence, and in the meantime satisfy their basic physical needs and gain love, respect, and prove their values. To be so devoted that one forgets one's own needs to pursue a greater and more meaningful goal. This and only this can lead people to discover the meaning of life. Personal success and happiness are not the original goals, but the unintended byproducts. This explains the mystery of why some people are so successful, such as Leonardo da Vinci, Madam Curie, etc. The list of great names can be continued endlessly. Even Da Bei, a fellow 007, can serve as living proof of this idea. She wrote in an article how she succeeded in her career and her marriage. When she was a saleswoman in a company, she worked so hard that she forgot personal comforts, even meals, and was busy all day from morning to night, doing promotions all over the world. In the end, her salary was increased from 1500 a month to 1 million a year. By forgetting herself, she achieved great success, which earned her the respect and support of her boss, colleagues and family. In other words: By outgrowing herself, she gained self-actualization, self-esteem, and love, and all her Maslowian needs were satisfied.
So the conclusion falls into several levels. First, do not put your interests on the top when we do anything. Self-centeredness makes people narrow and limited. Do not bother with self-confidence and self-esteem. Just leave them aside. They are byproducts, not prerequisites. Second, pursue a cause that benefits others or society for a greater good, or simply love others and serve others selflessly. Only by doing good and providing value to others can we grow beyond a small existence and gain love, respect and support in the
process. Finally, Maslow's basic human needs, especially the higher needs: Love, Self-Respect, and Self-Actualization, are not causal relationships. The order of satisfaction can be disrupted. And selfless transcendence is the most ideal and admirable state, which is the key to success and happiness.
True love is inherently selfless. Meditation basically means thinking of nothing. Doctor Faust achieves the highest satisfaction by contributing to the common good of mankind. It all proves the wisdom of Frankel: devote oneself to a cause that benefits others. In doing so, one will succeed and feel happy, and eventually one will find the meaning of life.
Let us imagine: If Zhang Guorong had not been obsessed with himself, but had instead devoted himself to a project he loved with all his heart, would he have suffered from depression and committed suicide? The lesson here is that we should all be busy. Be so busy working, helping others, serving others, working out and meditating that we do not have time to worry, to be obsessed with our pettinesses and narrow self-interests. Then we will naturally enjoy success and happiness, which are only by-products, not end results.
网友评论