Rene

 Dear Rene:

   First of all, I hope you read this letter patience, this letter will be very sharp, but I am writing this letter to the original intention is not to blame you, I hope to solve the problems between us, if we want to relationship continue .

   These days, I sleep less than four hours a day, and I don't know what's going on. I really did not expect that this thing bring me such a big impact, I can not sleep can not eat . I realized the seriousness of the problem, and I can't pretend it didn't happen.

   If girlfriend knock on the bf door at midnight，the normal situation is:“ it's too late, my dear, what are you doing here? What can I do for you? I'm sleepy, can we talk about it tomorrow?” Maybe he'll be angry with me for being so late, but it's impossible to push her out like a thief. What are you hiding, and what are you afraid of?    

    Although you told me that you and she didn’t sleep , but when I saw a woman in my boyfriend's bedroom in the middle of night, he was still trying to cover up the fact that put me as a stranger, also hit my face. To the police station, told all the people, you and I are just ordinary friends, denied our relationship, but just two days ago, we sleep together. And you said you just touched my face, you don't slap me. Why do you say me as a friend , but you sleep with me and tell me you love me ? are you cheat me or yourself ? You know what? You act like a knife into my heart.

    If you don't love me, fall in love with other women, you can tell me, although I will be sad, but I will understand. But don't tell me you love me, and date other women, invite other women to sleep in your bed. Anyone in that situation would be mad. I am not afraid to face the manager of a hotel, if you say I was shouting in the hall, then I will let him monitor tune out, I was innocent, and I will tell him about our communication process in detail, let him know what is going on. You know my character is tough and open 、 direct , but I am reasonable and honest . But if you slander me, deceive me, I will expose all your lies. You say you hate me, yes, you hate me tear up your camouflage mask. Think about what you would do if you found out that I was lying and I had other men in my room in the middle of the night , after we make love . what do you feel ?

    You don't just lie to me just one time. When I go to your house, you push me out of the door, cheat me have a surprise for me. Later, you admit that you are afraid me to meet your colleagues; You lied to me the hotel send flowers, but the card write , dear, I cant spend time with you in Christmas, sending basket as an apology. Ordinary friends don’t need have to apologize to you for Christmas? Otherwise a girlfriend say. You use wechat nearby person date a woman ,tell her do not have a girlfriend, when I find out and ask, you do not admit , but the fact is that woman is my friend. In fact, you are cheating me again and again, and I forgive you again and again. I always feel that you love me, in fact, I am cheat myself. Don’t think I am a fool , I still here ,just because I like you.

    I hurt you because I am cold when we have problem , that’s my personality’s problem , you hurt me because your lie to me , that’s your morality‘s problem. Which one is the more serious .

    Love is a compromise, you always say that your lover must live in Germany, you did not stand at the beginning of the girl's point of view to consider the issue. You're just thinking about yourself. If you are in your own world, why do you fall in love? You are more suitable for one person's life. Love is mutual tolerance, equality. Your starting point is unequal at first. In fact, if I love, I am willing to give up a lot of things, to follow my man I love, but that’s im voluntarily, Not to satiety you selfish. Selfish will only let you farther away from happiness. Your mother doesn't love you, it makes you lonely, but have you ever thought that you are exactly the same like your mother, and you are using your mother’s way to treat your lover . Are you trying to force her to leave?

     The problem is coming, since I know what kind of man you are, but why I still did not leave, give you chance and chance again. There is only one reason, and this is reason I just found out after this accident. My head let me leave you, my heart is pulling me back to your side, so I'm splitting, suffering.

    Now I realize, I have emotion with you deeply ,cant give up with you ,even im really clearly know who are you, even you are evil a little bit , But love is tolerant。If you like someone is because you find his excellence; you love some one is because you have forgiven all his shortcomings. Of course ,you have many advantages . actually ,you are the best one in my heart .

     I also have some problems , I have a heart wall with you , Im afraid of you hurt me ,so I keep distance to you . that’s the reason why you feel I am a little cold with you. Can you understand .  now ,I realize if we want to keep going on, must change something . I must be more soft.  if you are a stone , let me keep it worm . I know you lack of love when you are young, actually you are so lonely in this world . you want to close to me ,but I disappoint you . sorry , I hurt you , but please believe me , I'm the people who the most care about you in this world . as our interpersonal relationship s is not good, so we must improve our EQ (emotion quotient) both. Like ask her sleep good or bad, care her felling happy or sad, she will give you 200% back . I don’t need you material things ,I just need your love and care , do you understand .You said ,you are forty, you cant change ,but please think about it ,if you don’t improve yourself , to be selfish , you will lonely ,nobody cant stay with you ! if change can bring happiness and success, why you refuse it.

     I want to improve myself for you! Like , To be soft , cook for you , kiss you deeply ,respect your hobbits , don’t cold when we have problem .

     I’ll open my heart for you , since I choose you , I’ll give you my 100%love, no hide ,no reservations, cherish you , encourage you , take care of you.

     Except me, there is no one such match you, age、height、appearance、taste、values, just as you said, we only have this opportunity to set up a family, we just have each other in this world ,why don't we cherish this opportunity.

    You cant find other one like me ,who is match you , and care you with all my heart .

    Through this accident , we more know each other deeply , although my heart painful very much ,but im still here , waiting for that ugly man come back . Sometimes we are like children , we argument, fight , cold , but finally we are together , we grow up together. Can you push your heart wall for me?

      We have many dreams , build your small house , have a lovely draught , travel beautiful place , enjoy family time…… I believe if we effort together , we’ll have a wonderful life .

    Ok , I already express my feeling , how about you ? if you don’t want to have a serious relationship with me ,or you don’t love me ,or you still lie on me ,or you have a heart wall between us ,or you just spend your boring time in china with me , please leave me far , I’ll respect your choice. I need a man who is honest, loyal and love me with his whole heart. are you?

     Take care of yourself , enjoy your holiday

Sincerely yours

Cai Ling 2017. 1.31