为方便家长们学到最原汁原味的正面管教知识，我从国外找来一些正面管教资料。以下为正面管教英文站的译文（注：本人英文水平有限，以下内容是谷歌在线直译得来的，欢迎英语水平好的家长校正，我只是知识里的搬运工），更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。
正面管教是以阿尔弗雷德· 阿德勒和鲁道夫·德雷克斯的思想为基础的。在书的开始，作者就引用了鲁道夫·德雷克斯的话解释了和善而坚定的养育方法的必要性。
Positive discipline is based on the ideas of Alfred Adler and Rudolph Drakes. At the beginning of the book, the author quotes Rudolph Drakes to explain the necessity of a kind and firm parenting method.
德雷克斯说：“当父亲失去了对母亲的控制权时，父母也就失去了对孩子的控制权。”
"When fathers lose control of their mothers, parents lose control of their children," Drakes said.
现在社会男女平等，整个社会的大环境变了，父亲和母亲之间是平等的，而孩子总是以父母为榜样开始模仿的，那么也就是说孩子会认为自己与父母之间也是平等的，因而当父母想要控制孩子的时候，孩子自然就反抗。
Now the society is equal between men and women, the general environment of the whole society has changed. Fathers and mothers are equal, and children always imitate their parents. That is to say, children will think that they are equal with their parents, so when parents want to control their children, children will naturally resist.
所以《正面管教》书里一直在强调父母要用和善而坚定的态度正面管教孩子。
Therefore, the book "Positive Discipline" has been emphasizing that parents should use a kind and firm attitude to discipline children positively.
那什么是和善而坚定呢？
So what is kindness and firmness?
《正面管教》书里给我们的答案是：和善的重要性在于表达我们对孩子的尊重，坚定的重要性在于尊重我们自己，尊重情形的需要。和善而坚定是正面管教的根本所在。
The answer given by Positive Discipline is that the importance of kindness lies in expressing our respect for our children, while the importance of firmness lies in respecting ourselves and the needs of the situation. Kindness and firmness are the foundation of positive discipline.
一般家庭中，当一个家长偏向于和善，另一个则会偏向于坚定。这跟我们经常说的“一个唱红脸一个唱白脸”其实是一样的，但对孩子的长期影响却不容忽视。如果父母之间的管教方法相反，那么孩子会很快的观察到父母的差异，并轻而易举的加以利用，甚至让父母双方开始争斗。
In the general family, when one parent tends to be kind, the other tends to be firm. This is exactly the same as what we often say, "one sings red face and one sings white face", but the long-term impact on children can not be ignored. If the parental discipline is the opposite, the child will quickly observe the parental differences, and easily use them, and even let both parents start fighting.
和善而坚定要求我们既尊重孩子，又要尊重我们自己。当父母跟孩子开始顶嘴，父母的情绪开始无法控制，和善而坚定的处理方式是“走开”。
Kindness and firmness require us to respect our children as well as ourselves. When parents start talking back to their children, their emotions begin to get out of control, and the kind and firm way to deal with them is to "walk away".
这并不是放过孩子，而是父母虽然不能迫使孩子以尊重的态度对待自己，但是父母可以以尊重的态度对待自己。走开就是父母以尊重的态度对待自己。
This is not to let the children go, but parents can not force the children to treat themselves with respect, but parents can treat themselves with respect. Walking away is when parents treat themselves with respect.
父母可以稍后再跟孩子这么说：
Parents can say this to their children later:
”宝贝，很抱歉你生这么大的气。我尊重你的感受，但不能接受你刚才的做法。今后，每当你不尊重我，我都会暂时走开一下。我爱你，愿意和你在一起，因此，当你觉得你能够做到尊重我时，就来告诉我，我会很乐意和你一起找出处理你的怒气的其他方法。然后，我们可以把经历集中在找出对你我都尊重的解决办法上。“
Baby, I'm sorry you're so angry. I respect your feelings, but I can't accept what you just did. In the future, whenever you don't respect me, I will walk away temporarily. I love you and want to be with you, so when you think you can respect me, come and tell me that I will be happy to work with you to find other ways to deal with your anger. Then we can focus our experience on finding solutions that respect you and me. "
短短几句话，却向孩子表明了我接纳你的情绪，但不接纳你的行为，也像孩子表达了无条件的爱，让孩子找到归属感，而父母也会孩子树立一个良好的榜样。
In a few words, it shows my child that I accept your emotions, but not your behavior. It also expresses unconditional love like the child, so that the child can find a sense of belonging, and parents will set a good example for the child.
坚定也意味着界限，但这个界限的制定与实施，需要让孩子参与进来，父母应当试着放手，让孩子自己承担责任。
Firmness also means boundaries, but the formulation and implementation of these boundaries need to involve children. Parents should try to let go and let children take responsibility for themselves.
而且孩子参与界限的制定，会更好的理解设立界限的必要性和自己的责任，也更乐意遵守界限。
Moreover, children's participation in the establishment of boundaries will better understand the necessity of setting boundaries and their responsibilities, and will be more willing to comply with boundaries.
当然对于4岁以下的孩子，父母需要为她们设立限制，但仍然应当需要以和善而坚定的方式实施。
Of course, parents need to set restrictions on children under 4 years old, but they still need to be implemented in a friendly and firm way.
当孩子违反了限制，不要惩罚，不要说教，以尊重的态度，问孩子一些启发式的问题，比如
When a child violates a restriction, don't punish, don't preach, ask him some heuristic questions with respect, such as
”发生了什么事？你觉得原因是什么？你现在打算用什么办法来解决这个问题？你从中学到了什么能避免下次再出现同样的问题？“
What happened? What do you think is the reason? What are you going to do to solve this problem now? What have you learned to avoid the same problem next time? "
换一个态度，换一种问法，你会收获完全不一样的结果。
If you change your attitude and ask questions, you will get totally different results.
当父母既和善又坚定时，和善能抵消过于坚定所造成的所有问题（反叛、抗拒、对自尊的挫伤），
When parents are both kind and firm, kindness can counteract all the problems caused by too firm (rebellion, resistance, self-esteem setbacks).
而坚定能抵消过于和善所造成的所有问题（娇纵、操纵父母、被宠坏的小淘气包、对自尊的挫伤）。
Steadfastness can offset all the problems caused by being too kind (pampering, manipulating parents, spoiled naughty boys, bruising self-esteem).
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