Leadership Is About Behavior, Not Titles
Learn seven techniques to help you better communicate and connect as a leader.
By Karen Friedman
Karen Friedman
I once had a boss who said his door was always open. It was, if you were important. I was not that important to him, so whenever I needed to speak to him, his door was closed. When I knocked, he often pointed to something he was doing that was clearly more important and shooed me away.
Given that I was younger and less seasoned than today, his behavior was upsetting and hurtful. He made me feel insignificant, and I questioned whether my contributions to his workplace had any value.
Now, with more years of experience behind me, I understand that he was simply an ineffective and uncompassionate leader. He had a big boss title, but leadership is not about titles. Leadership is about behavior. How you behave as a leader comes down to communication. Do you look people in the eye? Do you slam doors? Do you say one thing and do another? You are communicating through your behavior every second of every day whether you are aware of it or not. If you want to create an environment where people feel valued, then begin by treating others the way you’d like to be treated, and lead by example.
My dry cleaner is a great example of someone who shows leadership behavior. If I have a tough stain, they go the extra mile to remove it. If a button is missing on an article of clothing, they sew it back on without charge. In the heat of summer, working without air conditioning, instead of complaining they enthusiastically ask how my family is holding up in the heat. Unlike my former boss, my dry cleaner understands how to lead by example.
Your ability to inspire largely depends on how well you can communicate your vision and connect with others. From my observations as a leadership communication coach, mastering these seven communication skills can help you become a better leader.
1 Listen, really listen.
When someone is really listening to you, they will maintain eye contact and often angle their body toward you, which signals they are in the conversation (although that can differ in various cultures). Engaged listeners typically don’t fidget, tap their fingers, or check their cellphones.
At work, poor listening skills can translate to poor performance, poor relationships, and poor productivity. It takes more concentration and focus to listen than speak. True listening indicates interest in others and makes them feel valued.
2 Sit in your listener’s seat.
What would you care about if you were the listener? As a former reporter, every time I covered a story, I asked questions that my reader, listener, or viewer might ask. When you communicate, it’s important to do the same so you tailor your message to address the needs and concerns of the person you’re communicating with. How does what you’re saying benefit, impact, or affect your listener?
I recently coached an organization’s leadership team for a meeting where they were going to announce layoffs of nearly 2,000 people. While practicing, instead of immediately delivering the bad news, providing information, and explaining how the company was going to help employees move forward, company leaders spent the first 10 minutes showing slides and talking about new technology, company goals, and how the move would save money.
He had a big boss title, but leadership is not about titles. Leadership is about behavior.
If they had actually communicated it this way, the audience would have likely turned on them. Employees want to know what happens to them. Will they get a severance? How will they pay their bills? We advised the team to dump the slides, make a clear point, and have a compassionate conversation that focused on the employees.
3 Be your best self.
In the Journal of Positive Psychology, researchers demonstrated that people who imagined a “best possible self” for one minute and wrote down their thoughts generated a significant increase in the positive effect on others. Basic acts of kindness can positively impact others more than you think. I experienced this firsthand when I was seated next to a 99-year-old woman on a plane ride.
I had work to do and didn’t want to talk with my seatmate yet wanted to be polite, so I said hello and asked her how she was doing. She burst into tears and said, “Not well.” Her husband had died, and she had no family nearby. She had never traveled by herself before and was scared. We talked. I helped her to the bathroom and off the plane, then stayed with her until she was safely seated in a wheelchair and an airline attendant took her to retrieve her bags.
Your ability to inspire largely depends on how well you can communicate your vision and connect with others.
Days later, I received an email from her that read: “Just a note to thank you for being so friendly and helpful to me on our flight!” To me, it was nothing. To her, it meant a lot.
4 Be aware of body language.
Be aware of nonverbal cues you may be communicating to others. Are you looking people in the eye when they speak to you and you speak to them? Are your arms crossed? Hands behind your back or shoved in your pockets? Do you check texts and emails when someone is talking to you? Are you standing up straight? Negative body language can send a variety of silent signals and alienate people even if that’s not your intention. For example, closed body language may indicate you’re not approachable or interested. Poor posture might suggest a lack of confidence. Looking up as you think might be interpreted as boredom.
I once worked with a woman who raised her eyebrows every time she answered a question. Colleagues perceived her as disapproving and negative. Nothing could have been further from the truth, and she never understood why this perception existed. When she saw her habit on video during a coaching session, she was very upset, but relieved to learn why some found her intimidating and unapproachable because now she could work on it.
5 Express empathy.
At a recent communications training, my company was role-playing a scenario in which a patient could not afford her medicine and died. At a meeting in this scenario, the parent approached a representative from the drug company that made the medicine and blamed them for her daughter’s death. Instead of immediately empathizing with her loss, the spokesperson rattled off a prepared message stating the company’s priority was to discover and develop innovative medicines.
Too often, corporate messages are devoid of empathy, and spokespeople are afraid to go off script. Expressing sorrow does not mean you’re accepting blame. It says you feel for their situation.
6 Don’t bury the lead.
In journalism, there is a saying: “Don’t bury the lead.” It means you should write the most important fact first. The same should apply to verbal communication in the workplace. People do not want to wade through a bunch of data to figure out what’s important. Look for ways to engage quickly through storytelling and stating important facts first so you give people a reason to listen. If you grab attention quickly, they’ll say: Tell me more!
7 Be a storyteller.
Information is important, but information alone doesn’t create emotional connections. A brief story or example helps listeners visualize how your product or service is relevant to their lives. Stories help us feel. If we feel, we care. If we care, we listen. When we support facts with anecdotes, those facts become more meaningfuland memorable.
Powerful leaders encourage input and feedback. They understand strong communication skills inspire confidence in others. While titles may bring power and profits, titles don’t earn loyalty, trust, or respect. Only behavior will accomplish that.
领导是关于行为，而不是头衔
学习七种技巧来帮助你更好地作为领导者进行沟通和联系。
由卡伦·弗里德曼
我曾经有个老板，他说他的大门永远敞开着。是的，如果你很重要的话。我对他来说没那么重要，所以每当我需要和他说话时，他的门总是关着的。当我敲门时，他经常指着他正在做的显然更重要的事情，然后把我嘘走。
考虑到当时我还年轻，经验也没有今天丰富，他的行为让我很伤心。他让我觉得自己很渺小，我开始怀疑自己对他工作场所的贡献是否有价值。
现在，凭着多年的经验，我明白了他只是一个没有效率、缺乏同情心的领导者。他有一个大老板的头衔，但领导与头衔无关。领导力与行为有关。作为一个领导者，你的行为取决于沟通。你会看着别人的眼睛吗?你会摔门吗?你是不是口是心非?无论你是否意识到，你每时每刻都在通过你的行为进行交流。如果你想创造一种人们感到被重视的环境，那么就从以你希望被对待的方式对待他人开始，并以身作则。
我的干洗店是展示领导行为的一个很好的例子。如果我的污渍很重，他们会尽力帮我去除。如果一件衣服上少了一颗扣子，他们会免费给你缝上。在炎热的夏天，工作没有空调，他们不是抱怨，而是热情地问我的家人是如何在炎热的。不像我以前的老板，我的干洗店老板懂得如何以身作则。
你激发灵感的能力很大程度上取决于你如何更好地沟通你的愿景和与他人的联系。从我作为一个领导沟通教练的观察来看，掌握这七种沟通技巧可以帮助你成为一个更好的领导。
1 倾听，真正地倾听。
当一个人真的在听你说话的时候，他们会保持眼神交流，并且经常把身体朝向你，这表明他们正在和你谈话(尽管在不同的文化中会有所不同)。全神贯注的听众通常不会坐立不安，不会轻敲手指，也不会查看手机。
在工作中，糟糕的倾听技巧可以转化为糟糕的表现、糟糕的人际关系和低效率。听比说更需要集中注意力。真正的倾听表明了对他人的兴趣，让他们感到被重视。
2 坐在听众的座位上。
如果你是听众，你会关心什么?作为一名前记者，每当我报道一个故事时，我都会问我的读者、听众或观众可能会问的问题。当你在沟通时，做同样的事情是很重要的，所以你要根据与你沟通的人的需求和关注来调整你的信息。你说的话如何有利于、影响或影响你的听众?
我最近指导了一个组织的领导团队参加一个会议，会上他们将宣布裁员近2000人。在实践的过程中，公司领导没有立即传达坏消息，提供信息，解释公司将如何帮助员工前进，而是在最初的10分钟里展示幻灯片，谈论新技术，公司目标，以及这一举措将如何省钱。
他有一个大老板的头衔，但领导与头衔无关。领导力与行为有关。
如果他们真的以这种方式交流，听众可能会对他们产生反感。员工们想知道他们身上发生了什么。他们会得到遣散费吗?他们将如何支付账单?我们建议团队扔掉幻灯片，明确一点，并进行一次以员工为中心的富有同情心的对话。
3 做最好的自己。
在《积极心理学杂志》(Journal of Positive Psychology)上，研究人员证明，那些花一分钟想象“最好的可能自我”并写下自己想法的人，对他人的积极影响显著增加。基本的善举比你想象的更能积极地影响他人。当我在飞机上坐在一位99岁的老太太旁边时，我亲身体会到了这一点。
我有工作要做，不想和我的邻座说话，但又想礼貌一些，所以我向她问好并问她过得怎么样。她突然哭了起来，说:“不太好。”她的丈夫死了，附近也没有亲人。她以前从未独自旅行过，很害怕。我们谈了。我帮她上了洗手间，下了飞机，然后陪着她，直到她安全地坐上轮椅，空姐带着她去取她的包。
你激发灵感的能力很大程度上取决于你如何更好地沟通你的愿景和与他人的联系。
几天后，我收到了她的一封电子邮件，上面写道:“谨致我一张便条，感谢您在我们的航班上对我的友好和帮助!”对我来说，这没什么。对她来说，这意义重大。
4 注意肢体语言。
注意你可能在和别人交流的非语言暗示。当别人和你说话的时候，你会看着他们的眼睛吗?你双臂交叉吗?手放在背后还是插在口袋里?当别人和你说话的时候，你会查看短信和邮件吗?你站直了吗?消极的肢体语言会发出各种无声的信号，即使这不是你的本意，也会疏远别人。例如，封闭的肢体语言可能表明你不容易接近或不感兴趣。姿势不好可能意味着缺乏自信。如你所想，抬头可能会被解读为无聊。
我曾经和一位女士共事，她每次回答问题都会扬起眉毛。同事们认为她不赞成和消极。没有什么比这更不真实的了，她永远也不明白为什么会有这种感觉。当她在一个辅导课程的视频中看到自己的这个习惯时，她非常沮丧，但当她知道为什么有些人觉得她令人生畏、难以接近时，她松了一口气，因为现在她可以改正了。
5 表达同理心。
在最近的一次沟通培训中，我的公司扮演了一个场景，一个病人付不起医药费而死亡。在这种情况下的一次会议上，这位家长找到了制药公司的代表，将女儿的死归咎于他们。这位发言人没有立即对她的损失表示同情，而是迅速发表了一条准备好的信息，说明公司的首要任务是发现和开发创新药物。
企业的信息往往缺乏同理心，发言人也害怕走章取义。表达悲伤不代表你接受责备。这表示你同情他们的处境。
6 . Don 't bury the lead.不要埋铅。（切入重点）
在新闻界，有句话说得好:“别埋了铅。”这意味着你应该先写出最重要的事实。这同样适用于工作场所的口头交流。人们不想费力地浏览一堆数据来找出什么是重要的。首先，通过讲故事和陈述重要事实来寻找快速吸引人的方法，这样你就能给人们一个倾听的理由。如果你能迅速抓住人们的注意力，他们会说:告诉我更多!
7 .讲故事。
信息很重要，但信息本身并不能创造情感联系。一个简短的故事或例子可以帮助听众想象你的产品或服务是如何与他们的生活相关的。故事帮助我们感受。如果我们感觉到，我们就会在意。如果我们在乎，我们就会倾听。当我们用奇闻轶事来支持事实时，这些事实就会变得更有意义、更令人难忘。
强有力的领导者鼓励投入和反馈。他们明白强大的沟通能力能激发他人的信心。虽然头衔可以带来权力和利润，但头衔不能赢得忠诚、信任或尊重。只有行为才能做到这一点。
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