"英国脱欧"(Brexit)如此沉重的话题,在SAT一篇时政引文中,竟然是用如此文青的笔调来开篇:
“有一次,海明威夸下海口说,他可以用六个字就讲完一个故事:“全新童鞋待售。”不过,我没觉得有多牛。你要是让我来概括20世纪的全球形势,我会比他更厉害:“欧洲。打架。”一百年里八位教宗两次世界大战,可浓缩成这两个字:“欧洲。打架。””
(Ernest Hemingway once boasted that he could tell a story in six words: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." Nonetheless, I'm not impressed; ask me to summarize something as vast as the global whole of the 20th Century, and I think I can do him four better: Europe fought. 100 years, eight Popes, and two world wars all boiled down to just those words. Europe. Fought. )
紧接着,欧盟被比喻为欧洲的一场联姻:
“这个频年不解兵的大陆,居然能够互相冰释前嫌,敷愈陈年脓疮,摈弃民粹狂热,结成欧盟共效床笫之欢。有鉴于欧洲喜怒无常的历史,此一联姻尤其为人称道。”
(Such a volatile connected history makes it all the more fascinating that the entirety of the combative continent was able to redress its respective grievances, apply the salve to decades-old festering wounds, shuck off fervent nationalism, and join together in marital bliss as a veritable European Union. )
这场婚姻,和世上千千万万的婚姻一样,走着走着就要散了:
“可是蜜月已经结束――天下无不散之蜜月嘛。新婚燕尔的洞房花烛,昔日的山盟海誓已成往事如烟,整个欧洲现在很像正在接受国际关系心理辅导。负责养家糊口的德国干得心不甘情不愿,牢骚满腹地说:“他不擅打理俺俩的财产。”希腊则声称,“我最需要她的时候,她竟然见死不救。”而整个大陆其它国家则纳闷,“看看你们俩!你们都不知道俺们是怎么熬过来的。" 他们不得不在这场地缘政治纠纷中扮演一名介乎性格证人和中立仲裁人的角色。然而,俗话说得好:“相见时难别亦难。”现在,尝尽了浪漫的甘果后,我们终于走到现在这个歧路口了。”
(But the honeymoon—as honeymoons are wont to do—has ended. The initial endorphin rush of uniting toward a greater purpose has long passed, and all of Europe now finds itself in something very much like international relationship counseling. "He can't manage our finances," Germany bemoans as the reluctant breadwinner. "She refuses to help now that I need her most," Greece exclaims. "Listen to you two! You have no idea of the sordid sort of things that we've seen!" the rest of the continent marvels, obliged to play a role somewhere between character witness and neutral arbiter in this geopolitical Jovers' quarrel. Yet, as the saying goes, "breaking up is hard to do."Now that all low hanging fruit romantic metaphors have been exhausted, at that crossroads is where we now find ourselves.)
希腊,这个人类文明的摇篮,是怎么沦落街头成为个债多不愁的穷要饭的?
“明天,希腊将面对债主,听天由命:要么就是其它欧洲国家(解读:德国与默克尔总理)借十五亿欧元给希腊,让它可以偿还国际货币基金组织的旧債,要么这位田园诗般的地中海昔日巨人就该寿终正寝了。它将赖账不还,跳上下一班火车,驶向那个名为“欧洲大逃亡”的鬼域。”
(Tomorrow, Greece will go before its creditors to learn its fate: either the rest of Europe (read: Germany and Chancellor Angela Merkel) will extend a El.5 billion loan to the Greeks so that they might pay off a previous International Monetary Fund float, or this idyllic Mediterranean Titan of yore will finally meet its end, defaulting on its debt and hopping the next train toward the ghost town called European Banishment.)
希腊尚且如此,欧盟其它小妾偏房的日子怕也好过不到哪去:
“希腊如此净身出户(聪明的小编起名为“希脱欧”),很可能只是第一张倒下的多米诺骨牌。紧随其后的一系列事态发展,会让该地区动荡不安,从此危及欧盟的生机与活力。”
(Such an exit (dubbed Grexit by the media, in their eminent wit) might well be the first domino to fall in a series of developments that could destabilize the region and threaten the validity and vitality of the E.U. henceforth.)
俗话说:“救急不救穷。”穷亲戚太多,德国英国再阔绰再豪爽,也接济不过来的:
"一切后果皆有可能。比如:即便希腊得到了上述借款,可以留在欧盟里了,说不定哪天德国掏子女赡养费掏烦了呢?"
(Consequential possibilities abound. For one, should Greece receive said funding and be permitted to remain, at what point does Germany tire of paying child support? )
天下无不散之筵席。欧盟这道流水席吃了这么多年,现在才发现,台面上的菜肴,只剩下德国咸猪手一道了:
"柏林要是真的厌烦了,那么自然的结果就是:它赶紧到自己阁楼里翻找剩存的德国马克,再不要什么欧元啊怀旧啊,赶紧恢复昔日的自由身,钞票还是自家的好,而不是一场有难同当的财政悲剧。还有,英国的脱欧,给今后的资格取消开了一个先河,西班牙,葡萄牙,爱尔兰,或意大利,都有可能在下一轮“击鼓传花”的音乐声嘎然而止时,发现自己没有椅子可坐,只好退出去当个作壁上观的墙上花。"
(The natural conclusion to that fatigue in Berlin would be a harried rummaging through the attic in search of leftover Deutsche marks, desperate to replace the Euro and nostaIgic for the autonomy of yesteryear when currency was their own and not some perverted fiscal tragedy of the commons. Moreover, the precedent is set for further disqualification with a Grexit, perhaps Spain, Portugal, Ireland, or Italy might be the next one left without a chair when the music stops, resigned to their fate as wallflowers on the outside looking in.)
希腊临急可能会转而去抱俄国的佛脚。焉知不是与虎谋皮呢?
"希腊的侥幸心理是:俄国或许会披盔挂甲前来救风尘,天上掉馅饼般给希腊一笔贷款。但是,看看普京最近在克里米亚耍的把戏,就算真有笔款借给你,也不是什么善举,而是一匹“特洛伊木马”。克里姆林宫里那帮普京死党们都是些诡计多端之徒,他们的把戏你永远猜不透。嗨,对居心叵测的解读就有这样的麻烦:在历史成为一本即将付梓之书以前,人的居心永远叵测。关键的问题是:历史书卷的墨迹甫干,欧盟会被编入"时事"一章中吗?还是会被打入学术年鉴的冷宫?它的骨骸,会不会仅仅成了一宗“水火不容”的外交案例?它的骨灰,会不会仅仅成了哈佛大学肯尼迪政府学院一场关于反思方枘配圓鑿的弊端的讲演?"
(Greek optimistic sentiment is that Russia might don its shining armor and rescue the fledgling castaways with a godsend of a loan. But, given Putin's recent sleight of hand in Crimea, any such lending may not be so much an act of charity as a Trojan Horse; Vladimir's Kremlin friends are a crafty bunch, and their endgame is opaque. Alas, such is the problem with deciphering ulterior motives: they often aren't clear until the history books go to print. The trillion dollar question is, when the ink dries, will the E.U. be listed in the chapters of current events? Or, will it be relegated to the annals of academia, its skeleton but a diplomatic case study of oil and water, its ashes little more than a Kennedy School lecture on the perils of collaboration between square pegs and round holes?)
后记:这种政论小品寓庄于谐,运用大量修辞手段,如拟人,比喻和隐喻等,把一个本来枯燥到没天理的话题,激活成一篇动感十足的欧洲地缘政治浮世绘,堪为已经习惯了板着一张苦大仇深脸孔的新闻从业人员,时事评论员和国际政治讲师们学习的范文。
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