我如何和现实交朋友

How I made friends with reality？

我如何和现实交朋友

演讲者：Emily Levine

幽默作家Emily Levine利用她鲜明的聪明与才智，完成了她的终极挑战：她让死亡变得有趣。在她的个人演讲中，她带我们走进了她如何与现实交朋友——平和对待死亡的旅程。生命是一件巨大的礼物，Emily说：“你尽最大的努力丰富它，然后将它归还

I’m going to first tell you something that in my grandmother

我要先告诉各位一件事， 如果我祖母还在，

would’ve elicited a five-oy alarm:

她要是听到这件事 肯定会发出五个「哟」的独特感叹：

Oy-oy-oy-oy-oy.

「哟～哟～哟～哟～哟。」

And here it is ... are you ready?

这件事就是…… 你们准备好了吗？

OK.

好。

I have stage IV lung cancer.

我有第四期肺癌。

Oh, I know, "poor me."

喔，我知道，「我好可怜。」

I don’t feel that way.

我没有那样的感觉。

I’m so OK with it.

我觉得还好。

And granted, I have certain advantages --

没错，我有一些优势——

not everybody can take so cavalier an attitude.

不是每个人都能 采取无忧无虑的态度。

I don’t have young children.

我没有年纪还小的孩子。

I have a grown daughter who’s brilliant and happy and wonderful.

我有个女儿，已经成年， 她很聪明、快乐，且美好。

I don’t have huge financial stress.

我没有很大的财务压力。

My cancer isn’t that aggressive.

我的癌症没有那么具侵略性。

It’s kind of like the Democratic leadership --

就有点像是民主党在领导——

not convinced it can win.

不太肯定它能赢。

It’s basically just sitting there,

基本上，它就是坐在那里，

waiting for Goldman Sachs to give it some money.

等著高盛集团给它一些钱。

Oh, and the best thing of all --

喔，还有，当中最棒的是——

I have a major accomplishment under my belt.

我已经有了一个重大的成就。

Yes.

是的。

I didn’t even know it until someone tweeted me a year ago.

连我自己也不知道， 直到一年前有人发推特讯息给我。

And here’s what they said:

以下是他们说的：

for the pussification of the American male.

被娘娘腔化负起责任。」

Not that I can take all the credit, but ...

我不敢说功劳全是我的，但……

But what if you don’t have my advantages?

但，如果你没有我这样的优势呢？

The only advice I can give you is to do what I did:

我能给予你的唯一忠告， 就是做我所做的：

make friends with reality.

和现实交朋友。

You couldn’t have a worse relationship with reality than I did.

你和现实的关系不可能比我还糟。

From the get-go,

从一开始，

I wasn’t even attracted to reality.

我甚至不太被现实吸引。

If they’d had Tinder when I met reality,

若在我遇见现实时就有 Tinder （常用在一夜情的社交软体），

I would have swiped left

我就会立马拒绝它，

and the whole thing would have been over.

我们的关系就此结束。

And reality and I --

而现实和我——

we don’t share the same values, the same goals --

我们没有相同的价值观、 相同的目标——

To be honest, I don’t have goals;

老实说，我没有目标；

I have fantasies.

我有幻想。

They’re exactly like goals but without the hard work.

它们就像目标一样，只是不用努力。

I’m not a big fan of hard work,

我不太痴迷「努力」，

but you know reality --

但，你知道现实——

it’s either push, push, push, push, push

它就是不断推、推、推、推、推，

through its agent, the executive brain function --

透过它的代理人，大脑执行功能——

one of the "yays" of dying:

迈向死亡的「好呀」之一：

my executive brain function won’t have me to kick around anymore.

我的大脑执行功能不再让我健在了。

But something happened

但发生了一件事，

that made me realize

让我了解到，

that reality may not be reality.

现实可能不是现实。

So what happened was,

发生的事情就是，

because I basically wanted reality to leave me alone --

因为我基本上希望现实走开 别管我，丢下我一个人就好——

but I wanted to be left alone in a nice house

但我希望被丢在一间很好的房子里，

with a Wolf range and Sub-Zero refrigerator ...

里面有顶级的厨具和冰箱……

private yoga lessons --

私人瑜伽课——

I ended up with a development deal at Disney.

我最后得到的是迪士尼的开发协议。

And one day I found myself in my new office

有天我发现我自己 坐在我的新办公室里，

on Two Dopey Drive --

位在 Dopey Drive 2号 （迪士尼路名）——

which reality thought I should be proud of ...

现实认为我应该要以为此傲……

And I’m staring at the present they sent me to celebrate my arrival --

我盯着他们为了庆祝我的到来 而为我准备的礼物——

not the Lalique vase or the grand piano I’ve heard of other people getting,

不是我常听有人得到的 Lalique 花瓶或大钢琴，

but a three-foot-tall, stuffed Mickey Mouse

而是三英呎高的填充米老鼠，

with a catalog, in case I wanted to order some more stuff

附上一份型录， 以免我还想订购更多

that didn’t jive with my aesthetic.

和我美感不搭的东西。

And when I looked up in the catalog

当我翻阅著型录

to see how much this three-foot-high mouse cost,

看看这只三英呎高的老鼠要多少钱时，

here’s how it was described ...

我看到它被这样描述……

Life-sized.

「实体大小」。

And that’s when I knew.

就在那时，我懂了。

Reality wasn’t "reality."

现实并不是「现实」。

Reality was an imposter.

现实是个冒名顶替者。

So I dived into quantum physics and chaos theory

所以，我埋头去读 量子物理和混沌理论，

to try to find actual reality,

试图找出真正的现实，

and I’ve just finished a movie --

且我刚完成一部电影——

yes, finally finished --

是的，终于完成了——

about all that,

内容就是那些东西，

so I won’t go into it here,

在这里我不打算谈它，

and anyway, it wasn’t until after we shot the movie,

总之，一直到我们 拍了那部电影之后，

when I broke my leg and then it didn’t heal,

我弄断了我的脚，它却没有复元，

so then they had to do another surgery a year later,

一年之后他们得要再做另一个手术，

and then that took a year --

那花了一年——

two years in a wheelchair,

共两年坐在轮椅上，

and that’s when I came into contact with actual reality:

那时我才接触到了真正的现实：

limits.

限制。

Those very limits I’d spent my whole life denying

我一生都在否认、推开、

and pushing past and ignoring

忽视的那些限制，

were real,

都是真的，

and I had to deal with them,

而我得要处理它们，

and they took imagination, creativity and my entire skill set.

我用上了想像力、创意， 和我所有的技能，才搞定它们。

It turned out I was great at actual reality.

结果发现，我很擅长真正的现实。

I didn’t just come to terms with it,

我并不是只顺从忍受它，

I fell in love.

我陷入爱河。

And I should’ve known,

我早该知道的，

given my equally shaky relationship with the zeitgeist ...

毕竟我和时代精神的关系 也是一样不稳固……

I’ll just say, if anyone is in the market for a Betamax --

姑且这样说，如果有人 想买 Beta 录影带——

I should have known that the moment I fell in love with reality,

我早该知道我爱上现实的那一刻，

the rest of the country would decide to go in the opposite direction.

全国其他人就会决定要朝反方向走。

But I’m not here to talk about Trump or the alt-right or climate-change deniers

但我不是要来谈川普、另类右派， 或否认气候变迁的人，

or even the makers of this thing,

或甚至这个东西的制造者，

which I would have called a box,

我会把这个东西称为盒子，

except that right here, it says,

可是就在这里，写着：

This is not a box.

「这不是盒子。」

They’re gaslighting me.

这对我来说真是精神虐待。

But what I do want to talk about

但我想要谈的，

is a personal challenge to reality

向现实做个人挑战，

that I take personally,

我认为是针对我，

and I want to preface it by saying that I absolutely love science.

我想要先加一段序言： 我真的很爱科学。

I have this --

我有这种——

not a scientist myself --

我并不是科学家——

but an uncanny ability to understand everything about science,

但有一种不寻常的能力， 可以了解科学的一切，

except the actual science --

除了真正的科学——

which is math.

也就是数学。

But the most outlandish concepts make sense to me.

但最古怪的概念对我来说是合理的。

The string theory;

弦理论；

the idea that all of reality emanates from the vibrations of these teeny --

概念是，所有的现实都来自 这些小东西的震动——

I call it "The Big Twang."

我称之为「大拨弦声」。

Wave-particle duality:

波粒二象性：

the idea that one thing can manifest as two things ...

概念是，一样东西可以 呈现成两样东西……

you know?

你们知道吗？

That a photon can manifest as a wave and a particle

一个光子可以呈现成 一个波以及一个粒子，

coincided with my deepest intuitions

正好符合我最深的直觉，

that people are good and bad,

人是好的也是坏的，

ideas are right and wrong.

想法是对的也是错的。

Freud was right about penis envy

佛洛依德对于 阴茎嫉妒的看法是对的，

and he was wrong about who has it.

但对于谁会嫉妒则是错的。

Thank you.

谢谢。

And then there’s this slight variation on that,

接着，还有个稍微不同的版本，

which is reality looks like two things,

就是现实看起来像是两样东西，

but it turns out to be the interaction of those two things,

但结果却是那两样东西的交互作用，

like space -- time,

比如空间——时间，

mass -- energy

质量——能量，

and life and death.

还有生——死。

So I don’t I understand --

所以，我不了解——

I simply just don’t understand

我就是不了解

the mindset of people who are out to "defeat death" and "overcome death."

想要去「打败死亡」 和「克服死亡」的人是什么心态。

How do you do that?

怎么办得到？

How do you defeat death without killing off life?

你要如何打败死亡但不要杀死生命？

It doesn’t make sense to me.

这对我来说并不合理。

I also have to say,

我也得要说，

I find it incredibly ungrateful.

我觉得这样很忘恩负义。

I mean, you’re given this extraordinary gift --

我是指，得到了这样非凡的礼物——

life --

生命——

but it’s as if you had asked Santa for a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow

但就好像你向圣诞老人许愿要 劳斯莱斯 Silver Shadow 车

and you had gotten a salad spinner instead.

却得到了一个沙拉脱水器。

You know, it’s the beef --

你知道的，牢骚在于——

the beef with it is that it comes with an expiration date.

牢骚在于它也带有有效期限。

Death is the deal breaker.

死亡是交易中不能通融的条件。

I don’t get that.

我不懂。

I don’t understand --

我不了解——

to me, it’s disrespectful.

对我来说，那是失礼的。

It’s disrespectful to nature.

对大自然的失礼。

The idea that we’re going to dominate nature,

认为我们要支配大自然，

we’re going to master nature,

我们要掌管大自然，

nature is too weak to withstand our intellect --

大自然太弱，无法承受 我们的智慧——

no, I don’t think so.

不，我不这么认为。

I think if you’ve actually read quantum physics as I have --

我认为，如果你有真的 跟我一样去读量子物理——

well, I read an email from someone who’d read it, but --

嗯嗯，我读了一封电子邮件， 寄件者有读过它，但——

You have to understand

你得要了解，

that we don’t live in Newton’s clockwork universe anymore.

我们不再生活在 牛顿的规律宇宙中了。

We live in a banana peel universe,

我们生活在一个香蕉皮的宇宙中，

and we won’t ever be able to know everything

我们不可能知道一切，

or control everything

或控制一切，

or predict everything.

或预测一切。

Nature is like a self-driving car.

大自然就像自动驾驶的车。

The best we can be is like the old woman in that joke --

我们能做到最好的状况就是 像那个笑话中的老女人——

I don’t know if you’ve heard it.

不知道你们是否有听过那笑话。

An old woman is driving

一个老女人在开车，

with her middle-aged daughter in the passenger seat,

乘客座位上的是她的中年女儿，

and the mother goes right through a red light.

妈妈直接闯过一个红灯。

And the daughter doesn’t want to say anything that makes it sound like,

女儿并不想说出听起来像这样的话：

You’re too old to drive,

「你太老了，不该开车。」

so she didn’t say anything.

所以她什么也没说。

And then the mother goes through a second red light,

接着，妈妈闯了第二个红灯，

and the daughter, as tactfully as possible,

女儿尽可能圆融地说：

says, "Mom, are you aware

「妈，你知不知道

that you just went through two red lights?"

你刚闯了两个红灯？」

And the mother says, "Oh, am I driving?"

妈妈说：「喔，我在开车吗？」

So ...

所以……

and now, I’m going to take a mental leap,

我要做一个精神上的跳跃， 这对我来说很容易，

which is easy for me because I’m the Evel Knievel of mental leaps;

因为我是精神跳跃的 埃芙尔克尼芙尔（特技演员）；

my license plate says,

我的牌照上写着：

Cogito, ergo zoom.

「我思，故我跑得很快。」

I hope you’re willing to come with me on this,

我希望你们愿意 跟我一起来想想这件事，

but my real problem with the mindset that is so out to defeat death

但这种心态让我觉得烦扰的 地方在于：去打败死亡，

is if you’re anti-death,

就好像你是「反死亡」的，

which to me translates as anti-life,

对我来说，等同你也反生命，

which to me translates as anti-nature,

对我来说，等同你也反大自然，

it also translates to me as anti-woman,

对我来说，等同你也反女性，

because women have long been identified with nature.

因为长久以来女性一直 被认为等同于大自然。

And my source on this is Hannah Arendt,

这项资讯的来源是汉娜鄂兰，

the German philosopher who wrote a book called "The Human Condition."

她是名德国哲学家， 写了一本书叫做《人的境况》。

And in it, she says that classically,

在书中，她说，就古典主义来说，

work is associated with men.

工作和男性有关联。

Work is what comes out of the head;

工作是从「头」产生出来的；

it’s what we invent,

工作是我们发明的东西，

it’s what we create,

是我们创造的东西，

it’s how we leave our mark upon the world.

是我们在这个世界上 留下痕迹的方式。

Whereas labor is associated with the body.

而劳务则是和身体有关。

It’s associated with the people who perform labor

它和执行劳务的人有关，

or undergo labor.

或承受劳务的人。

So to me,

所以，对我来说，

the mindset that denies that,

否认这一点的心态，

that denies that we’re in sync with the biorhythms,

否认我们和生物节律， 宇宙生物周期的

the cyclical rhythms of the universe,

循环节奏同步的心态，

does not create a hospitable environment for women

并不会为女性 或和劳务相关的人创造出

or for people associated with labor,

一个友好的环境，

which is to say,

所谓劳务相关的人

people that we associate as descendants of slaves,

就是我们认为 和奴隶后裔有关的人，

or people who perform manual labor.

或是进行人工劳务工作的人。

So here’s how it looks from a banana-peel-universe point of view,

所以，从香蕉皮宇宙的观点， 从我的心态，也就是我所谓的

from my mindset which I call "Emily’s universe."

「艾蜜莉的宇宙」， 所看到的样子是这样的。

First of all,

首先，

I am incredibly grateful for life,

我对于生命充满感激，

but I don’t want to be immortal.

但我不想要永生。

I have no interest in having my name live on after me.

我对于死后让我的名字 流传下去，并不感兴趣。

In fact, I don’t want it to,

事实上，我不希望如此，

because it’s been my observation

因为我观察发现，

that no matter how nice and how brilliant

不论你有多好、多聪明、

or how talented you are,

多有才华，

50 years after you die, they turn on you.

在你死后五十年， 他们都会反过来咬你一口。

And I have actual proof of that.

我有真正的证据证明这一点。

A headline from the Los Angeles Times:

洛杉矶时报的头条写着：

Anne Frank: Not so nice after all.

「安妮法兰克终究没有那么好。」 （二战的受害人，安妮日记的作者）

Plus, I love being in sync

此外，我喜欢和宇宙的

with the cyclical rhythms of the universe.

循环节奏同步。

That’s what’s so extraordinary about life:

那就是生命的不凡之处：

it’s a cycle of generation,

它是个循环：产生，

degeneration,

衰退，

regeneration.

再生。

I am just a collection of particles

「我」只是许多微粒的集合，

that is arranged into this pattern,

它们被排列成这个模式，

then will decompose and be available,

将来会被分解开，所有的构成成份

all of its constituent parts, to nature,

都会再次回到大自然中，可以再次

to reorganize into another pattern.

被用来组织成另一个模式。

To me, that is so exciting,

对我来说，这很让人兴奋，

and it makes me even more grateful to be part of that process.

这甚至让我更感激， 能够成为那过程的一部分。

You know,

你们知道的，

I look at death now from the point of view of a German biologist,

我现在从一位德国 生物学家的观点来看待死亡，

Andreas Weber,

安德里亚斯韦伯，

who looks at it as part of the gift economy.

他把死亡看做是礼物经济的一部分。

You’re given this enormous gift -- life,

你得到了这份大礼——生命，

you enrich it as best you can,

你就要尽可能活得充实，

and then you give it back.

因为到底你还是得把它还回去的。

And, you know, Auntie Mame said, "Life is a banquet" --

你知道的，欢乐梅姑（电影） 说过：「人生是一场飨宴」——

well, I’ve eaten my fill.

嗯，我已经吃了我足够的份。

I have had an enormous appetite for life,

我对于人生的胃口很大，

I’ve consumed life,

我吃完了生命，

but in death, I’m going to be consumed.

在死亡中，我将会被吃完。

I’m going into the ground just the way I am,

我将会以我的样子回到土地中，

and there, I invite every microbe

在那里，我邀请所有的微生物

and detritus-er

和岩屑，

and decomposer

和分解者，

to have their fill --

取用他们的份——

I think they’ll find me delicious.

我想，他们会觉得我很可口。

I do.

真的。

So the best thing about my attitude, I think, is that it’s real.

我想，关于我的态度， 最棒的一点就是，它是真实的。

You can see it.

你们可以看见它。

You can observe it.

你们可以观察到它。

It actually happens.

它是真正发生的。

Well, maybe not my enriching the gift,

也许不是我充实了那份礼物，

I don’t know about that --

我不确定那一点——

but my life has certainly been enriched by other people.

但我的生命肯定是 被其他人给充实了。

By TED,

包括 TED，

which introduced me to a whole network of people

它让我认识了一大堆人，

who have enriched my life,

这些人充实了我的生命，

including Tricia McGillis, my website designer,

包括崔夏麦格里斯， 我的网站设计师，

who’s working with my wonderful daughter

他和我那位很棒的女儿合作，

to take my website and turn it into something

把我的网站转变成我只需要

where all I have to do is write a blog.

去写网志就够了的地方。

I don’t have to use the executive brain function ...

我不需要去使用大脑执行功能……

Ha, ha, ha, I win!

哈哈哈，我赢了！

And I am so grateful to you.

我也很感谢你们。

I don’t want to say, "the audience,"

我并不想用「观众」这个词，

because I don’t really see it as we’re two separate things.

因为我并不觉得 我们是两样分开的东西。

I think of it in terms of quantum physics, again.

我再次用量子物理的角度来思考。

And, you know, quantum physicists are not exactly sure what happens

你们知道的，量子物理 并不能完全肯定

when the wave becomes a particle.

当波变成微粒时会发生什么事。

There are different theories --

有不同的理论——

the collapse of the wave function,

波函数坍塌、

decoherence --

退相干——

but they’re all agreed on one thing:

但这些理论都有个共同点：

that reality comes into being through an interaction.

现实透过交互作用才存在。

(Voice breaking) So do you.

（声音断续）各位也是。

And every audience I’ve ever had,

我曾经遇见的所有的观众也是，

past and present.

过去的和现在的都是。

Thank you so much for making my life real.

谢谢你们让我的人生变真实。

Thank you.

谢谢你们。