——选自The Week 网站（吉玛译）
Traffic upsets you. People upset you. Your job upsets you… Wrong, wrong and wrong.
堵车让你烦躁，别人让你不快，工作让你心烦意乱......,错了，错了，错了。
Actually, none of those things upset you. Your beliefs about them do. That’s what the ancient Stoic philosophers believed.
实际上，没有任何事情可以扰乱你。但你却认为都是它们的错。这就是古代斯多葛派哲学家所信仰的。
FromThe Daily Stoic:
来自《日常斯多葛派》：
“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.” – Epictetus
“人们不受事物的干扰，而是被他们的观点所影响。”——埃皮克提图
Let’s say you expect something to cost $90. Turns out it costs $80. You’re thrilled. But if you expect it to cost $30 and it costs $80, you want to murder someone. Price didn’t change. Your belief did. And that determined your reaction.
假设你原以为要花费90美元。结果只花了80美元。你会很兴奋。但如果你原以为花费30美元，而它的价格是80美元，你就想杀人。价格没有改变。变得是你的信念。它决定了你的反应。
Oh, and science agrees with the Stoics here.Big time.Albert Ellis was a psychologist and he took the ideas of the Stoics and weaponized them into some of the most effective therapies that professionals use today.
噢，科学也同意斯多葛学派的观点。大时代。艾伯特·埃利斯是一名心理学家，他将禁欲主义的思想武装成为一些现在专业人士使用的最有效的治疗方法。
How big a deal wasAlbert? According to asurvey of psychologists he was the 2nd most influential psychotherapist ever. Sigmund Freud came in third. Here’s what Wikipedia says about his system:
艾伯特有多重要?一项对心理学家的调查显示，他是有史以来最有影响力位列第二的心理治疗师。西格蒙德·弗洛伊德名列第三。以下是维基百科对他系统性描述:
一般来说，REBT可以说是心理治疗领域最具研究性的理论之一，大量的临床经验和现代心理学研究已经验证和证实了许多REBT关于人格和心理治疗的理论假设。
艾伯特说，你的信念造成了你所经历的大部分不快乐，愤怒和焦虑。问题是，其中一些信念是悄无声息的。
你甚至没有意思到。如果我告诉你的信念，你会否认。但是他们常掌控你的反应-并且在这个过程中让你感到痛苦。
So what are some of the most common problematic beliefs Albert identified – and how do we fix them?
那么，阿尔伯特认定的最常见的问题信仰是什么呢？我们如何解决呢？
Let’s get to it…
让我们来寻找答案......
#1:“This shouldn’t be happening!”
“应该不会发生!”
This is the big one. Here’s how Albert describes the #1 irrational belief we all too often hold:
这是最重要的。以下是阿尔伯特对我们常持有的一种非理性信念的描述:
“People and things should always turn out the way I want them to and if they don’t, it’s awful, terrible, and horrible, and that’s not fair.”
“人和事应该总按我想要的方式发展，如果不是，那就太可怕了，太可怕了，太可怕了，这是不公平的。”
Sounds ridiculous. You would never say that, right? Problem is, you often believe it without realizing it.
听起来很荒谬。你永远不会这么说，对吧?问题是，你常常不自觉地有了这种信念。
Say I tell you this toaster over here almost never works. You try to use the toaster. It doesn’t work. Do you get furious and throw the toaster at me? No. Reality met expectations. No surprises. No emotional outburst. Now let’s apply that same logic in a different scenario…
我告诉你，这里的烤面包机几乎没有用。你试着用烤面包机。它没用。你会生气，然后把烤面包机扔给我吗?不。现实符合预期。没有惊喜。没有情感的爆发。现在让我们将同样的逻辑运用在不同场景中…
You know the world is not always a fair place, right? But then something unfair happens and… you go ballistic. Does that make sense? Nope.
你知道世界并不总是公平的，对吧?但不公平的事情发生了,…你会生气。这讲的通吗? 不。
If you really believed the world wasn’t always fair and the world promptly delivered some unfairness, you wouldn’t get all bent out of shape. Reality met expectations. But what you really believe is the world shouldn’t be unfair to you. And that, my dear friend, is crazy talk.
如果你真的相信这个世界并不总是公平的，那么当你遇到不公平的时候，你就不会扭曲一切。现实符合预期。但你真正相信的是世界不应该对你不公。我亲爱的朋友，这就是呓语。
Here’s Albert:
阿尔伯特说道：
我们知道这个世界是不公平的，但是当我们遇到不公平时，我们仍然感到非常沮丧。我们很早就开始认为世界对我们应该是公平的，特别是......“失望”并不能使问题消失或者解决任何事情（事实上，你可能会做出差强人意的决定，不太有效处理事情），但是你不会质疑你的反应，因为这是天性。
那么当生活（你承认是不公平的）正如你所说的那样（而且行为不公平）？你需要改变那个潜在的信念-你不知道自己拥有的那个信念。
Next time you find yourself getting upset, notice it. Pause. And then:
下次你发现自己不开心，注意这种情绪。停下来。接着：
认识潜在的信念：“哦。 我认为不公平的生活必须公平对待我，不是吗？
Dispute that belief: “Is this belief rational?” No. Uh-uh. No way, no how.
质疑这个信念：“这个信念是否合理？”不，呃。 没办法，没有。
更换信念：那么更合理的立场是什么？“我希望被公平对待，但我知道事情并不总是符合我的意愿。我并不感到惊讶，我不会沉不住气。“
(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)
（要了解更多关于成功生活的科学，请查看我的畅销书。）
Okay, so outside events aren’t always gonna go your way and holding an underlying belief that is aligned with that can make life’s ups and downs much easier to manage.好吧，外部事件并不总是按照你自己的方式发展，因此坚持一个与之相符的基本信念，可以更加容易的去管理生活的起起伏伏。
But what beliefs about your own behavior does Ellis say regularly cause you problems?
但什么是埃利斯所说的造成问题的与你行为有关的信念呢？
#2: “I Must Be Perfect.”
“我必须是完美的。”
Here’s how Albert describes it:
阿尔伯特是这样描述的：
“I must not fail at important tasks and if I do it’s terrible and I can’t stand it.”
“我不能在重要的任务上失败，我就不能忍受自己做得很糟糕。”
Again, you don’t always realize this is your underlying belief. If I asked, “Are you human and prone to error?” You’d say yeah. But then you make a mistake and totally freak out.Does not compute.
再说一遍，你往往不能意识到这是你的潜在信念。如果我问，“你是人吗？容易出错吗？”你会说是的。 但是，当你犯了一个错误，你会奔溃。不计。
如果你真的相信自己容易犯错，你可能会有点失望。你更倾向于得到A+。但你不会感到惊讶，也不会过于情绪化。记住，当你期望坏了的烤面包机坏了的时候，你不会生气。当你期望坏的烤面包机能够正常使用，你会很生气。
And getting rid of your perfectionist beliefs doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to become a slacker who half-asses everything. You can still be persistent. You just don’t have to hold silly beliefs that drive you nuts. Here’s Albert:
摆脱你的完美主义信念并不意味着你会突然变成一个懒鬼，对一切都持有半斤八两的态度。你仍然可以坚持不懈。你不必持有那些让你抓狂的愚蠢信念。艾伯特说道:
Searching for perfect solutions often will lead to stagnation and frustration. Perseverance, tolerance for less than perfection (but striving for it), the pursuit of improvement, and commitment to doing the very best you can, all are healthy, and most likely to yield the best results. Eliminating unreasonable demands for perfect solutions in no way reduces your commitment to doing or being the very best you can do or be.
寻找完美的解决方案常常会导致萧条和沮丧。坚持不懈，不苛求完美(但追求完美)，追求进步，承诺尽你所能，一切都是健康的，最有可能产生最好的结果。消除完美的解决方案的不合理要求，它绝不能减少你尽自己所能的去你做或成为最好的事/人的承诺。
And if that’s not enough, research says perfectionism can kill you:
如果这还不够，研究表明完美主义会至你于死地
Consistent with our hypotheses, findings demonstrated that risk of death was significantly greater for high scorers in perfectionism and neuroticism, compared to low scorers at the time of base line.
与我们的假设相一致，研究结果表明，在完美主义者和神经质者中，在同一时间基准下，相对于低得分者，高得分者的死亡风险明显更高。
So how do you deal with that pesky need to always be the best? Again, you have to dispute the underlying belief. Next time you’re aiming for 110% and getting worked up, take notice.
那么，你该如何处理那些想要成为最好的烦人需求呢?再一次，你必须要质疑潜在的信仰。下次你的目标是110%，并不开心的时候，你要注意了。
Ask yourself if the belief is rational (nope) and replace it with something more realistic: “I’m going to work on the project for the next three hours and do my best. The amount of effort I expend is under my control but people’s reaction to it isn’t.”
问问自己，这种信念是否合理，用更现实的信念来代替它:“我将在接下来的三个小时里继续做这个项目，并尽我最大的努力。我所付出的努力是我所能控制的，但我不能控制人们的反应。”
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(学习7个步骤的早晨仪式，你会一整天都很开心，点击这里。)
Okay, you’re disputing and replacing irrational beliefs. Maybe you’re not doing it perfectly at first — but we don’t have to be perfect, now do we?
好吧，你在质疑和取代不合理的信仰。也许你一开始做得并不完美——但我们不必完美，对吧?
So what about when that irrational belief is like a song stuck in your head? And you just cannot make it stop?
那么，当这种非理性的信念就像一首歌曲在你脑海中挥之不去时，会怎么样? 你不能阻止它吗?
#3: “I Should Worry About This.”
“我应该担心。”
Here’s Albert:
艾伯特说道:
“If I worry obsessively about some up-coming event or how someone really feels about me things will actually turn out better.”
“如果我过分担心一些即将到来的事情，或者某人对我的真实感觉，事情会变得更好。”
Ridiculous, right? But sometimes that’s the belief we’re really holding. We worry and worry and worry some more. And if we stop worrying, we beat ourselves up for not worrying enough. It’s like we think anxiety is a magic spell that, if chanted constantly, will actually prevent the dreaded thing from happening.
可笑,对吗?但有时这就是我们真正持有的信念。我们担心，担心，过于担心。如果我们不再担心，我们就会因为不够担心而自责不已。就像我们认为焦虑是一种神奇的咒语，如果反复吟唱，就能真正阻止可怕的事情发生。
For the record, it won’t. And you already knew that. But if you believed it deep down, you wouldn’t be biting your nails so much. Broken toaster theory all over again.
正确的说，它不会。你已经知道了。但是如果你相信它，你就不会那么担心了。破碎的烤面包机理论。
So how do you make the worry song stop playing in your head? You know the answer here: dispute and replace the belief. But with anxiety, it can be trickier because worry seems to operate on autopilot in the background. Time to bring out the big guns…
那么，你如何让焦虑的歌曲停止在你的脑海中播放呢?你知道答案:质疑和取代信仰。但由于焦虑，这可能会更棘手，因为担忧似乎是在幕后操控。时间能证明一切…
What is worrying? It’s your brain’s way of reminding you that something is a threat and needs to be dealt with. So what do you do if “dispute and replace” isn’t cutting it in the short term? Let your brain know you’re taking its reminders seriously.
令人担忧的是什么?这是你的大脑提醒你某些东西是具有威胁性，需要处理的方法。那么，如果“质疑和替换”并没有在短期内削减，你会怎么做?让你的大脑知道你在认真对待它的提醒。
Schedule your worrying. Seriously. Make a “worrying appointment.” This works:
忧虑清单。严肃的。列出你的“忧虑时间”。这个项目：
For those concerned with shedding some of their anxieties, it seems planning a certain time every day to worry may help stop the stress-out cycle. When people with adjustment disorders, burnout or severe work problems used techniques to confine their worrying to a single, scheduled 30- minute period each day, they were better able to cope with their problems, a new study by researchers in the Netherlands finds.
对于那些关心减轻自己的焦虑的人来说，似乎每天都计划一段时间来担心，有助于杜绝压力的循环。一项由荷兰研究人员开展的新研究发现，有调整障碍、倦怠或严重的工作问题的人，每天都安排30分钟的时间来限制他们的焦虑，这种方法可以有助于他们更好地处理自己的问题。
Please make sure to tell co-workers, “I’d love to go to that meeting but 4PM is when I get all my worrying done for the day.”
请一定要告诉同事:“我很想去参加那个会议，但是下午4点是我一天中处于忧虑的阶段。”
And don’t just worry during the appointment — dispute and replace. With practice, the worries will subside.
而且不要只是在规定时间内忧虑——质疑和替换。有了实践，忧虑就会平息。
Behavioral therapies like this are the most scientifically proven treatments for anxiety.
这种行为疗法是最经科学证实的治疗焦虑症的方法。
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(从古老的智慧中学习6个让你快乐的习惯，点击这里。)
So you can finally get that worry song to stop playing in your head. But how do we deal with those beliefs about our past that have shaped us? The beliefs that we feel make us who we are?
所以你终于可以让那首忧虑之歌在你的脑海里停止播放了。但是，我们如何处理那些具有影响的过去信念呢?那些成就了我们的信念?
#4: “It’s because of my past.”
“因为我的过去。”
Albert explains the belief like this:
阿尔伯特是这样解释信念:
“It was my past and all the awful things that happened to me when I was a child or in my last relationship or in my last job that causes me to feel and act this way now.”
“是我的过去和在童年或上段关系中，或者上一份工作中发生的所有可怕的事情，让我有了现在这种感觉和行为。”
We make mistakes — often the same ones over and over — and we say it’s due to bad parenting. Or because we were teased in high school. Or because we dated the wrong people.
我们会犯错误——经常会犯同样的错误——我们说这归咎于不良的教养。或者因为我们在高中时被取笑过。或者因为我们交往了错的人。
Yes, Albert acknowledged some traumas do leave lasting issues. But many, many people willingly accept more minor past problems as part of their identity and don’t really try to correct them. Here’s Albert:
是的，阿尔伯特承认一些创伤确实留下了一些永恒的问题。但是，很多人都愿意接受过去的小问题作为他们特性的一部分，并不是真的试图纠正他们。阿尔伯特说道：
There is no question that our past experiences have the potential to influence greatly our present behavior, if we let them… Past events won’t become any less real or valid; we can’t change the tapes of those events. We can, however, vigorously change how we think about them.
毫无疑问,过去的经验可能对我们现在的行为有着潜在的影响,如果我们让他们…过去的事件不会不真实或有效;我们不能改变那些事件的发生。然而，我们可以积极地改变对他们的看法。
In most cases it’s not that the past event caused irrevocable damage; it’s that you are presently carrying an irrational belief about yourself that you took away from the event.
在大多数情况下，不是过去的事件造成不可挽回的损失;而是因为你现在对自己怀有一种不合理的信念，以至于你无法从这件事请中摆脱出来。
“I was bullied in school because I was weaker than the other kids. So I am a weak person.” And decades later you’re still running that buggy old code like it was the latest software update. Yeah, you may have had moments of weakness in the 4th grade. Does that mean you’re a weak person at 32?
“我在学校里被欺负，因为我比其他孩子弱。所以我是一个软弱的人。”几十年后，你仍然把那些老旧的代码当做最新更新的软件运行。是的，你可能在四年级的时候有过虚弱的一段时间。这是不是意味着你在32岁的时候是一个软弱的人?
Even though we’ve changed and our environment has changed, we cling to that outdated belief and it affects how we feel. Then confirmation bias kicks in and we stop noticing evidence to the contrary — while maintaining a keen eye for everything that validates that irrational belief.
即使我们变了，环境也变了，我们仍然坚持那种过时的信念，它会影响我们的感觉。然后，确认偏见就开始了，相反的我们不再注意证据——同时保持敏锐的眼光去寻找那些能证明非理性信念的东西。
“I got nervous during that presentation today. It’s because I’m a weak person. Yeah, I killed 37 ninjas with my bare hands on the way from the parking lot to the office this morning, but that was just dumb luck. I’ve always been weak and I’ll always be weak.”
“今天的演讲让我很紧张。因为我是一个软弱的人。是啊，今天早上我在从停车场到办公室的路上，徒手杀了37个忍者，但那只是运气而已。我一直都很虚弱，总是很虚弱。
FromThe CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians:
选自《The CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians》：
Because of how our filters (beliefs) are set up, we often notice instances that support the unhealthy beliefs more than we notice those that may support our opposite, healthy beliefs; however, that “evidence” almost always exists as well.
So how do we fix this? Of course, dispute and replace. But this one can be tricky because of confirmation bias. We’re only noticing and remembering the times when the irrational belief seems to be true (nervous during presentation) and not the times when it’s proven false (single-handedly defeating hordes of expertly trained martial arts masters.) So you’re gonna need some help with this disputing process.
因为我们的过滤器(信念)建立起来的方式，相对于那些致辞我们的对立面的例子，我们更经常注意到那些支持不健康信念的例子；然而，“证据”总是存在的。那么如何解决这个问题呢?当然，质疑和替换。但由于证实偏见，这个问题很棘手。我们只是在注意和记住那些非理性的信念似乎是真实的时候(在演讲时的紧张)，而不是那些被证明是错误的时候(单枪匹马击败了大批受过专业训练的武术大师)。所以在这个质疑过程你需要一些帮助。
Sit down with an old friend and a piece of paper. Make your case. Write down all the events that happened over the years that prove your irrational belief true. “I am weak because…”
拿出一张纸和老朋友坐下来。说说你的情况。写下这些年来所发生的一切，证明你的非理性信念是正确的。“我是软弱,因为…”
When you’re done, list all the events that contradict the belief. “I am not weak because…” And your friend gets to add to this list. You don’t get veto power over their contributions. Remember, you’re biased.
当你完成的时候，列出所有与信念相悖的事情。“我不软弱,因为…”你的朋友可以添加到这个列表中。你不会否决他们的贡献。记住,你是有偏见的。
From The CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians:
选自《The CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians》：
One valuable tool involves forcing ourselves to look back over those very same periods of life purposefully looking to see the evidence that supports our healthy beliefs. You may want to rely on family members or friends who were around during each period of life to help you “notice” such evidence. Even if they share things they see as “counting” that you don’t think “should count” write them down anyway…
一个有价值的工具是迫使我们回顾那些相同的人生阶段，有意识地寻找支持我们健康信念的证据。你可能想要依靠你的家人或朋友，他们在你生命的每段时间里帮助你“注意”这些证据。即使他们分享他们认为只是“流水账”你不认为“应该”写下来呢…
If there is anything on the second list, then you are not cursed by your past forever — you’re cursed by an outdated belief that you still hold. Dispute and replace.
如果在第二张清单上有东西，那么你永远不会被你的过去所诅咒——你会被你仍然持有的过时的信念所诅咒.质疑和替换。
Are you weak at times? Probably. But that’s true of everyone. You’re human. Welcome to the party.
你有时软弱吗?可能。但每个人都是如此。你是人类。欢迎加入。
(To see the schedule that very successful people follow every day, click here.)
(查看成功人士每天遵循的时间表，请点击这里。)
Okay, I now hold the underlying belief we’ve learned a lot about beliefs. Let’s round it all up — and learn the two words that signal you have some more disputin’ and replacin’ to do…
好了，我认为现在我们已经学到了很多关于信念的东西。让我们行动起——学习两个单词，这两个单词意味着你开始质疑和替换......
Sum Up总结
Here are the 4 irrational beliefs that cause you a lot of problems:
以下是4种导致你有很多问题的非理性信念:
“This shouldn’t be happening!”: Do you really expect to always get what you want? No. But if you really believed that you wouldn’t be shouting.
“这不该发生的!“：你真的希望总是得到你想要的吗?” 不。但如果你真的相信你不会大喊大叫。
“I must be perfect.”: Not possible. And it’ll kill you. You can control effort, not outcome. “I will do my best” is rational. “I must be the best” is not.
“我必须是完美的。”:不可能的。它会杀了你。你可以控制的是付出的努力，而不是结果。“我会尽我最大的努力”是理性的。“我一定是最好的”是不理性的。
“I should worry about this.”: Set a time to worry, to dispute, and to replace. This lets your brain know it doesn’t need to be reminding you 24/7.
“我应该担心这个”。:设定一个时间去担忧，去质疑，去取代。这让你的大脑知道它不需要时时刻刻提醒你。
“It’s because of my past.”: If that’s really the case, then you should be in therapy. But your problems are rarely due to dire past traumas, they’re usually due to some outdated, irrational belief you still hold. Get a friend to help you dispute and replace.
“是因为我的过去。”如果真是这样的话，那你应该接受治疗。但你的问题不归咎于过去的痛苦，它们通常是你持有的一些过时的、不合理的信念所致。找个朋友帮你解决质疑与替换。
You may have noticed two words that came up again and again: “should” and “must.” Albert Ellis hated those words. He felt they were at the core of so much of our emotional suffering.
你可能已经注意到有两个词一次又一次地出现:“应该”和“必须”。艾伯特·埃利斯讨厌这些词。他觉得它们是我们情感痛苦的核心因素。
Both imply that the universe needs to bend to your will. And that’s not going to happen. “Prefer” all you like, but “should” and “must” are like shaking your fist at the sky when you don’t like the weather. It “should” be sunny? Well, it’s not.
两者都暗示着宇宙需要屈从于你的意志。这是不可能的。“喜欢”你喜欢的，但是“应该”和“必须”就像你不喜欢天气时，你徒手与天空抗争一样。“应该”是晴天吗?嗯,不是。
When you align your expectations with reality, you stay cool like Fonzie. And then you’re able to do something that might help you get what you “prefer.”
当你把你的期望与现实结合起来时，你就会像方奇一样保持冷静。然后你就能做一些可以帮助你得到你喜欢的东西的事情。
Whenever you hear yourself saying “should” or “must”, it’s a sign you might be working off an irrational belief. Time to dispute and replace — unless you like being unnecessarily stressed and angry. I don’t.
每当你听到自己说“应该”或“必须”的时候，这就表明你可能正在努力摆脱一种非理性的信念。质疑和替换的时间——除非你喜欢不必要的压力和愤怒。我不喜欢。
So out of supreme respect for Albert, I’m not going to say you “should” or “must” obey the above advice…
But doing so will make you much happier. That’s my underlying — and very rational — belief.
所以艾伯特得以最高的敬重,我不会说你“应该”或“必须”遵守上述建议…
但是这样做会让你更快乐。这是我潜在的——也是非常理性的——信念。
Link: Change these 4 beliefs would make you suprisingly happy
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