十天的禅修，禁言，无手机，吃住极简。
每一天的时间，除了冥想与听课，都是自己和自己待着。内观，提升觉知力。
通常饭后的一小段空余时间，许多人会坐在Gompa大殿外的桌椅或草坪上，静思、阅读或书写。几乎每个人都有书写的习惯，在不能与人交流的时候，我们开始观察自己的内心。
每天我都会写一封书信给旺堆先生，分享今日的心得。虽然闭关一时传送不到，但在静默无言中，我脑海中最清晰的却总是他的面容。
这一小段的寂静时光，仿佛在我的内心建立起了一个“保留地”。当时我就想：将来在我焦躁或低沉的时候，或许我会回想起这个清幽之地，想起这些松树林和那轮新月，它们的存在和当下的我们一样静默无言，实际却饱含力量。
Pine trees. 松树林
I sat down on the green wooden table outside for my lunch. It's my 7th day of Introduction course. We're having tofu today. In front of me stand layers of pine trees and I wonder, whether you were also seeing this view or wandering wildly through it, as you were here. Often I try to imagine how it was like, how your life was like, as you were here.
But I had no clue. Things change gradually and constantly. Only the Himalayan mountainous pine trees and the view of the small town down the hill, maybe they are almost still the same, if you were standing here where I'm standing, to look at them.
This magical hill town, it shines like a starry sky, turning the horizon upside down. Noisy like every other worldly place, yet so quiet in the night like a sleeping beauty.
Slowly I start to enjoy and appreciate the quietness we have here. I don't have to talk to anyone, not even smile, and no one gets offended. I focus on my own thing, spending a lot of time writing, reading, sleeping and attending the teaching. I do get bored and inpatient at times, but more of the time I feel joy.
I feel that this retreat experience is creating a protected space in me, for when I get anxious or frustrated in the future, I'd think of these pine trees at this peaceful place.
Here I received lots of wisdoms and knowledges regarding how I should preceive the world and people, from Buddha's view. The teaching opened a whole new world for me. Many of my confusions start to get cleared away. I'm fond of the virtues and mental states mandentioned in Dharma. I find it very inspiring and helpful.
I wouldn't call myself just a Buddhist. As it would be too rude, when I'm being true to myself. I haven't gone so far, to be able to take the responsibility of this title. But I must say that I'm a fan, and I'll keep exploring on this Dharma path. Title is not vital, I simply seek the knowledges and truth.
2019.10.29
New moon. 新月
As I walked out of the dinning hall holding my evening soup, I saw a fresh new moon through layers of the pine trees. Somehow this is the first time I noticed it. Maybe I've seen it before, or maybe not. I'm not sure. But right this moment I feel quietly joyful looking at it.
By the time this new moon grows fatter and fatter, rounder and rounder, we'll be together, in Lhasa. I will be back, completely. From everywhere else to you, where I belong.
I've got a glimpse of the Tibetan Buddhism philosophy throughout this 10-day retreat. The Buddha Dharma, I must say, has surprised me. It answered many questions that I have, although I don't wholely agree with every point of view.
I do accept that everything is impermanent. But the fact that we're destined to die, doesn't mean that we shouldn't live or enjoy. Every happiness will fade away eventually, yet it doesn't mean that all the happiness is superficial or invaluable. We are compiled of separate pieces and we are all interdependent and empty. But in this moment we are a living and moving being, that's already creative and active, more than a rock or sand. So I cannot identify myself in the emptiness, or I can't really comprehend it yet.
I don't want to live as a nun. I want to explore and experiment. To eat momos and ride motorbikes. I find this a braver and more thrilling choice, maybe also a harsher test. Probably I should get a book of the crazy wisdom. Yeah I think I will do.
As I emptied my soup, I looked up again at the new moon. It's still there, but the pine trees are now surrounded by smokes! I tried to smell, but there's nothing. I looked around for a few seconds and realized that it must be the nature temperature dropping. Just now within this brief moment, it turned foggy.
So if you were there in McLeod to look up to the mountains, I am right now in the clouds. And higher up, there's the clear sky and the new moon.
It's 18:40.
2019.10.31
智慧的学问。
僧人尼玛对我讲：佛学是智慧的学问。我感到越来越好奇，也越来越想念禅修的地方。那里说不上有什么特别，但就是有一股无形的力量和坚定的磁场，吸引着我再回去。
老师传授的教诲，解答了我许多的困惑，也揭开了我许多新的困惑。每一次看到老师回答学生问题时，发自内心的坚信不疑的神情，的确让我这个信仰管道堵塞的小学生，深感动容。我的迟疑和困惑，却是他从未动摇的信念。
路漫漫其修远兮。学习“道”，并不是一定要成为一名佛教徒，标签与实质常常并不对等。但是你内心所认可的“道”，能为你指路，这条路遥远且崎岖，却通向智慧与真理。
2020.03.03
雍措
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