小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷，曼城6球大胜切尔西，巴萨与皇马在国王杯半决赛首回合战平，曼联、阿森纳、利物浦等球队纷纷顺利取胜。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们精彩的犀利吐槽吧！
阿圭罗戴帽，曼城6-0切尔西
steide56(利物浦球迷)：我还以为比赛要晚开始半小时呢，结果直接错过上半场了，看来切尔西也是记错开球时间了吧！(I missed the first half hour because I thought the game would start half an hour later... appearently so did Chelsea.)
Peacock10(利物浦球迷)：让你们曼城不再夺冠，确实是一种奢求。(Now I believe no one can get in city’s way to trophy.)
PakiIronman(狼队球迷)：切尔西球员在场上睡得好香，就连冬眠的熊都对他们羡慕不已呢！(hibernating bears will be envious at how Chelsea fell asleep there.)
emre23(利物浦球迷)：埃弗顿是怎么做到对阵曼城超过5分钟还能不丢球的？(How is it that Everton can be capable of holding City out for more than 5 mins?)
CaptainSkull22(切尔西球迷)：要是我们退赛，是不是就能判0-3输了…(if we forfeit we lose 3-0 automatically right?)
DatGuyGandhi(阿森纳球迷)：我要是在玩FIFA的时候被虐成这样，那早就直接退出了，还是0-3更好受点…(This is the kinda game on FIFA where you'd straight up quit so you only lose 3-0 instead.)
马内萨拉赫进球，利物浦3-0伯恩茅斯
Nidriks(伯恩茅斯球迷)：当对方的中后卫都来参与反击的时候，你就知道自己到底踢得有多烂了…(You know you're having a bad day when the opposition's CB is on for the counter-attack.)
Sagittarius__A(切尔西球迷)：那我们是有多烂，伯恩茅斯都虐了我们4个球…(We are so shit that bournemouth beat us 4-0.)
伊沃比拉卡进球，阿森纳2-1哈镇
Ericdryer(阿森纳球迷)：看来哈镇不能射的毛病，终究是不如我厂不能零封的毛病严重啊！(Not even Huddersfield's inability to score is stronger than our inability to keep an away clean sheet.)
Windowhihi(未知主队球迷)：哈镇进个球实在太难了，你厂球员都忍不住去帮人家了！(When Huddersfield cannot score a goal, Arsenal scores for them.)
MindingmyownMedals(伯恩茅斯球迷)：科拉希纳茨凭借这个乌龙，成功跻身哈镇本赛季最佳射手之列！(kolasinac is one of the top goalscorers this season for Huddersfield with that one.)
Narretz(德国球迷)：阿森纳这后防还有没有条理，简直就是一片混沌！(Can somebody in Arsenal's defense please step up? It's pure chaos.)
Tennyson(哈镇球迷)：混乱是一把阶梯。(Chaos is a ladder.)
博格巴进球，曼联3-0富勒姆
Envague(曼联球迷)：博格巴罚点球前就走了10步小碎步，看来索尔斯克亚对波霸的改造还在继续！(Only 10 steps on the run up, Ole's transformation of Pogba continues.)
Preciouslarvabanjo(未知主队球迷)：利物浦花了7500万买范戴克，而曼联只需要告诉斯莫林去留个范戴克发型，这样不就免费得到范戴克啦！(Liverpool spent 75m on Van Dijk. Manchester United just told Smalling to grow his hair and made their own free Van Dijk.)
PaintedSe7en(曼联球迷)：把这红魔注射到我的血管里！(Inject this United straight into my veins please.)
Cloudprince(曼联球迷)：那我可以吸一口你的血吗？(Once you OD let me drink your blood.)
激情德比，皇马3-1马竞
Simomii9(摩洛哥球迷)：拉莫斯的头球是不是给马竞球员带来创伤综合征了？5个人都去防拉莫斯了，结果放卡塞米罗轻松去射门…(I love how a Ramos headers triggers PTSD in Atleti players that 5 players surround him and they left Casemiro to score.)
Rexxigg(巴萨球迷)：看到马竞竟然也能被对手用定位球得分，感觉有点怪怪的…(Something about seeing Atletico conceding from set-pieces is so weird.)
HEELinKayfabe(皇马球迷)：二月来了，皇马终于意识到自己还有个欧冠奖杯要去争取了！(It's February, Real Madrid have awoken and they have a Champions League to win.)
l33tnoscopes(印度球迷)：只让贝尔踢30分钟球，真的是天才的决定啊，这样贝尔就不会老是受伤啦！(Playing Bale 30 mins a game could be a genius move, can make an impact and not jeopardise his fitness.)
互交白卷，巴萨0-0毕尔巴鄂
Thugging_inPublic(巴萨球迷)：好在今天还有曼城的比赛能让我乐呵一下…(Well at least the City game was able to entertain us today.)
JoelKr9(巴萨球迷)：我们的进攻就是灾难，毫无系统和深度，只知道给传球给梅西然后再祈祷进球…(Our offense is a total disaster. No system, no width, just giving Messi the ball and then praying.)
巴斯克斯马尔科姆进球，巴萨1-1皇马
DaLilGorilla(皇马球迷)：绝代双骄正式进入了马尔科姆和巴斯克斯的时代！(We really are in the Malcom and Vazquez era.)
v_TRIGGERED (未知主队球迷)：本赛季国家德比进球：C罗0球，梅西0球，巴斯克斯1球，所以巴斯克斯才是史上最佳！(Goals in El Clasico this season Ronaldo: 0 Messi: 0 Lord Vasquez: 1. Vasquez = goat.)
ErnestJones(皇马球迷)：皇马这客场进球有点少啊，毕竟回到伯纳乌可就不知道输几个了…(it’s awkward we didn’t make enough goals as we will face a slaughter in Bernabeu)
Xncopka(未知主队球迷)：有意思的是，两队场上身价最高的球员都是表现最差的球员…(It's funny that the most expensive player of each team are the worst of their team…)
好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。本周，精彩的欧冠赛事即将重燃战火，让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！（本文内容转自懂球帝，如侵权，请联系删除。）
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