Writing Day 14 20190705 gu_writing
Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay any tax to the state.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
学步骤一：阅读题目后，写出三个观点：
自学步骤二：翻译句子：先想词伙，在想句型，然后写句子。
自学步骤三：检查自己的翻译：先看正确的句子的词伙和句子结构，然后看错误的句子，看是否能够发现问题。
介绍段
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 背景句 | 1.很多人可能抱怨交税是一个沉重的负担，因为税减少他们的可支配收入。 | Many people complain that tax revenue is a tough burden,because it decreases their alternative income. | Many people regard tax as a burden,because it can reduce their disposable income. | 1.alternative income替代收入 disposable 可支配收入2.regard sth as sth....把什么看作为... 3.can reduce 减少 | 1.词伙搭配2.词汇多样化使用3.语境恰当表达。 |
| 阐述立场 | 2.我觉得我们需要交税，因为没有税收的话，社会很难运转。 | I believe that we should pay taxes,and it is hard for society to work without taxes. | I think that we need to pay tax,because without tax revenue,the society cannot function appropriately. | 1.believe,think 认为，2.pay tax 付税 3.taxes, n. 税收 tax revenue 税收；[税收] 赋税收入 4.function vi. 运行；活动；行使职责。5.appropriately,adv. 适当地；合适地；相称地 | 1.词汇多样表达。2.词伙正确使用3.词汇多样表达4.词汇亮点使用5.副词多样化使用 |
主体部分第一段
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句（经济资源） | 3.有了税收，政府就可以资助公共设施项目，包括道路，学校，还有医院 | Government |
If the government has tax revenue,public facilities such as roads,schools and hospitals can receive more funds from the state. | 1.levy,征收 2.assistant,n, 协助，assist,v,帮助，assist (sb) with/in sth. 3.found,v, 创办，建立。funds,资金，4.此处 and 前最好不用 ，5.public facilities, 公共设施。 | 1.单词拼写，2.词汇正确使用，3.词汇正确使用。4.连词使用。5.词伙正确使用 |
| 举例1 | 4.没有一个好的公共交通系统，人们上下班很困难，而交通堵塞会影响效率。 | Without a high effective <u>traffic system</u>,it is hard for commuters to go and come from working and it has bad effect on working efficiency. | Without a great public transport system,commuters fund it difficult to travel to and from work, and traffic congestion could reduce work efficiency. | 1.交通系统规范使用：transport system or transportation system.2.it,指代不明，应该是交通堵塞影响工作效率。3.traffic congestion, | 1.词伙使用2.语法，语义的明确，3.词伙搭配。 |
| 举例2 | 5.公立学校可以给小孩提供教育机会，让他们获得知识，这对经济也有好处。 | Public schools provide children educational opportunities and give them knowledge, which benefits to economy. | Public schools can provide children with educational opportunities and enable these young students to gain knowledge,which is beneficial to economic growth. | 1. enable.v. 使能够；使成为可能；授予权利或方法；（计算机）启动,enable sb/sth to do sth ,让小孩取获得知识，而不是直接给知识。2.有利于经济，不明确，economic growth. 应该是经济生长。3. can provide， 语境，强调学校功能。 | 1.词汇使用。2.句意正确表达。3.语境的把握。 |
| 对比 | 6.这些公共项目一帮是不会得到私企的资助，因为利润不高。 | These public projects generally can not get personal entrepreneurs' funds,because of low profits. | These projects or services are normally not funded by the private sector,because of the low profit margin. | 1.此处，语境的表达，被动句更合适2.私企词伙的恰当表达 private enterprises,private sector私营部门；私营成分3.词伙的词汇的合适表达 low profit margin .低利润率 | 1.语境 2.词伙表达3.词汇的准确表达 |
| 附加观点（个人福利） | 7.我们也需要意识到：政府可以通过税收达到财富再分配的目的 | We also need to realize that governments can achieve the goal of redistributing worth by leving tax. | We should also recognise that the government can achieve the goal of income redistribution by taxation. | 1.levying, v, 征收的正在现分。2.recognize 美式拼写。recognise ,英式拼写。3.redistribute wealth，重新分配财富的正确表达4.taxation. n. 课税，征税；税款 | 1.词汇的正确使用。2.美英拼写区别，3.词伙正确表达。4.词汇多样表达。 |
| 举例 | 8.例如，在很多国家，高收入的人一般要交很高的税，而低收入群体甚至会得到国家的 资助。 | For example, in many states,people with high income normally pay high rate of tax,while people with low income get country's funds instead. | For example,in many countries,the high income group needs to pay high tax,while the low income group can get assistance from the government. | 1.the high income group, 高收入群体，代表单数。2.income ,可数，这里要用复数 | 1.词伙的高级使用2.单复数 |
主体部分第二段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句 | 9.政府收税，可以规范人的行为。 | Governments levying tax can control people's behaviors. | Levying taxes can regulate people's behaviour. | 1.behavior.n,行为，可数behaviour，习性，不可数。2.regulate.v .规范，vt. 调节，规定；控制；校准；有系统地管理3.levying tax, or levying taxes,都可以表示征税。 | 1.词汇准确使用。2.词汇正确，符合语境使用。3.词伙多样化使用。 |
| 解释 | 10.人们很多时候不能表现自制，很难改变一些不好的习惯。 | People can not always be self-regulated,it is hard for them to change some bad habits. | People fail to show self-restraint sometimes and cannot change some bad habits. | 1.自制，self-control or self-restraint .地道表达。 | 1.词伙正确表达 |
| 举例 | 11.例如，对香烟和酒征收重税可以减少人们在这方面的消费。 | For example,the heavy tax of cigarettes and alcohol reduce the purchase of these. | For example,the heavy tax on cigarette and alcohol discourages people from spending on these items. | 1.the heavy tax on/of 多样表达，cigarette 可数，2.reduce the purchase，表达不地道，明确，减少消费数量，reduce the amount of people purchasing these.4.discourage sb from doing sth,不鼓励人们做某事。 | 1.短语搭配多样化。2.语境，地道的表达。4.词伙搭配地道使用。 |
| 结果 | 12.人们可以更加健康，医疗系统的压力也会减少。 | People can live a healthier life and decrease the medical system's pressure. | This change can improve the well-being of people and ease the pressure on the medical system. | 1.heathier,这个比较级不恰当，意思是你本来就很健康，现在更加健康，2.减少压力对应英文来说缓解压力更地道。3.improve ,v, 提高，词汇的正确表达。4.well-being, 词汇的多样表达。5.ease the pressure on ,缓解...什么的压力。 | 1.语境，语义的准确表达。2.地道表达。3.词汇多样表达。4.词伙，5.国定搭配 |
主体部分第三段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句 | 13.人们没有动力勤奋工作，而创业者也不想创业。 | People do not have power to work diligently,and entrepreneurs do not want to set up own business. | People may not have the incentive to work hard and entrepreneurs are also not willing to set up a business. | 1.incentive.n.n. 动机；刺激2.may not do sth 3.be willing to ... | 1.词汇的正确使用2.情态动词丰富语境。3.情态动词增添语境 |
| 解释 | 14.钱对于很多人来说是一个动力，因为人们可以过更好的生活，也可以获得成就感。 | Many people regard money as the incentive to live a better life and get achievement. | Money is a great motivator for most people because they can improve living standards and a sense of accomplishment. | 1.金钱不是过上好生活的动力，而过上好生活是赚钱的动力。2.motivator ,n, ,促进因素；动力 | 1.语境，语义的准确表达。 |
| 举例 | 15.没有这些人的勤奋工作，展现自己的才华，一个国家不可能变得富裕，福利系统也难以为继。 | Without these people's hard working and exposing intelligence, one country could not be wealth and the welfare system can not work stably. | Without the hard work of these people and their willingness to show their talents,a country would not become prosperous and the welfare system could not be sustained. | 1.would not,could not,不能够，情态动词的更婉转表达。 | 1.语境恰当表达。 |
结论段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 再次表明立场 | 16.我深信税是经济的命脉，虽然过高的税对经济有一定的负面影响。 | I am convinced that tax is the lifeblood of economy,although the high taxes has side effect on it. | 1.taxes.n. 税收，税金；税务；[税收] 税捐 2.effect 和 economy 都是可数名词，要交冠词和定冠词。3.it 指代不明确，应该是经济生长。 | 1.词汇正确使用。2.have an side effect on , the economy,3.economical growth. | 1.词汇。2.词伙国定搭配。3.词伙，句意正确表述。 |
自学步骤 4.
介绍段：
Many people regard tax as a burden, because in can reduce their disposable income.I think that we need to pay tax, because without tax revenue, the society cannot function appropriately.
主体部分第一段：
If the government has tax revenue,public facilities such as roads, schools and hospitals can receive more funds from the state.
state 和government 有点重复,读起来不够通顺，影响CC 的分数。
Without a great public transport system,commuters find it difficult to travel to and from work,and traffic congestion could reduce work efficiency.
Public schools can provide children with educational opportunities and enable these young students to gain knowledge,which is beneficial to economic growth.
这句话和教育机会有点重复，知识对经济发展有好处，有点跳跃，影响CC 分数。
These projects or services are normally not funded by the private sector, because of the low profit margin.
有点指代不清楚，前面的schools 或 transport ? schools 不是projects ，影响 CC的分数。
We should also recognise that the government can achieve the goal of income redistribution by taxation.
这里出现一个新的观点，但是中心句没有体现这一点，这样会影响 CC 的分数。
For example, in many countries, the high income group needs to pay high tax, while the low income group can get assistance from the government.
可以说people on low incomes, ，这样不至于和前面的重复
主体部分第二段：
Levying taxes can regulate people's behaviour.
没有连接词，和上面一段的联系不够强，不够连贯。
People fail to show self-restraint sometimes and cannot change some bad habits.
For example,the heavy tax on cigarettes and alcohol discourages people from spending on these items.
这个连接词不恰当，解释的其实是中心句，而不是前一句话，影响CC.
可以改成 the public
This change can improve the well-being of people and ease the pressure on the medical system.
有点指代不明，影响CC 分数。
这里有点跳跃，为什么说到医疗系统。
主体部分第三段：
People may not have the incentive to work hard and entrepreneurs are also not willing to set up a business.
中心句没有提到税的事情。
Money is a great motivator for most people because they can improve living standards and gain a sense of accomplishment.
这里最好出现收入，这样前后一致。且扣题。
Without the hard work of these people and their willingness to show their talents,a country would not become prosperous and the welfare system could not be sustained.
结论段：
I am convinced that taxes are the lifeblood of the economy although high taxes can have an adverse effect on economic growth.
这里可以加上 overall,要不然和上面一段话没有什么联系。
提升范文：
Many people regard tax as a burden,because it can reduce their disposable income.I think that we need to pay tax,because without tax revenue,the society cannot function appropriately.
If the government has tax revenue,<u>more founds can be used to build</u> public facilities such as roads,schools and hospitals.Without a great public transport system,commuters find it difficult to travel to and from work,and traffic congestion could reduce work efficiency.Public schools can provide children with educational opportunities, and <u>without a well-educated workforce,a country cannot sustain economic growth.Private investors are normally not interested in transport links and schools,which do not generate considerable profits.</u>
Levying taxes can also regulate people's behaviour and <u>encourage them, especially those who sometimes fail to show self-restraint,to break bad habits.</u>For example, the heavy tax on cigarettes and alcohol discourages <u>the public</u> from spending on these items. <u>The resulting lifestyle change</u> can <u>improve their health and reduce hospital visits,thereby easing</u> the pressure on the medical system.
<u>On the other hand,if taxpayers are subject to high taxers,</u> they may not have the incentive to work hard and entrepreneurs are also not willing to set up a business.Money is a great motivator for most people because <u>with high income</u>, they can improve living standards and gain a sense of accomplishment.Without the hard work of these people and their willingness to show their talents, a county would not become prosperous and the welfare system could not be sustained.
<u>Overall</u>,I am convinced that taxes are the lifeblood of the economy although high taxes can have an adverse effect on economic growth.
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