This article originally appeared on ABWE.org. Used with permission. Written by Abby Farren. 此文章源于ABWE.org。已得到使用许可。作者为Abby Farren。
原文地址：https://www.abwe.org/blog/beautiful-art-goodbyes-missionary-kid%E2%80%99s-perspective
In a life of constant transition, coping with farewells is a familiar but painful feeling for MKs.
- 在展转不停的生活中，道别成了传教士孩子最熟悉，也是最痛苦的经历。
Goodbyes are a part of daily life.
道别是日常生活的一部分。
Sometimes they are a simple “see you tomorrow,” while other times they are forever. Many times, those “forever goodbyes” are associated with hugging friends before airport security or kissing our pets one last time. David Pollock, a pioneer in TCK research, wrote, “Most TCKs [Third Culture Kids] go through more grief by the time they are 20, than mono-cultural individuals do in a lifetime.”
有的时候，它可能只是很简单的一句“明天见”；另外些时候道别亦是永远的。这些永远的道别，很多时候是和朋友在过机场安检前的拥抱，又或者是最后一次与自己宠物的亲吻。David Pollock, 一位研究第三文化孩子（Third Culture Kids，以下简称TCK）的先驱学者，这样写道：“大部分TCK在20岁时候，经历过的悲痛比一个从单一文化中长大的孩子一生经历的悲痛还要多。”
Unfortunately, for Missionary Kids (MKs) and TCKs, the goodbyes go deeper than that. We must give up our favorite foods, the culture we adapted to, and sometimes even a language. My family moved to South Africa when I was four. Fast forward 13 years: I’ve given up three countries, and each one has brought different heartaches with the goodbye. Instead of simply saying goodbye to people, we must give up every single familiar aspect in our lives. To say “goodbye” means the loss of a world to an MK, and I want to help people understand the blend of pain and beauty that we are left with. “MKs just learn to love and leave,” in the words of Linda Kelley, a mother of MKs.
不幸的是，对于传道士孩子（Missionary Kids，以下简称MK）和TCK们，道别往往比之前所描述的还要深沉的多。我们需要放弃最喜欢的食物，我们所熟悉的文化，甚至一门语言。我的家庭在我四岁的时候就移居南非。快进13年，我放弃了三个国家，每一次的道别都带来了不一样的心痛。不仅仅是和人们说再见，更多的是要放弃之前所建立起来生活的每一个熟悉的部分。说再见对MK们来讲意味着要即将失去一个世界。我想要帮助其他人了解道别给我们遗留下来的既美丽又痛苦、五味杂陈的感情。“MK们在学会爱的同时就要学会分离。”MK的妈妈Linda Kelley如此写道。
No one really talks about what happens afterward. No one shares about the months they cried themselves to sleep. No one mentions the heartbreaking feeling they got when something so precious to them was no longer in their life. No one wants to come to grips with how much those goodbyes broke them.
没有人会认真阐述之后发生的事情。没有人会分享自己之后几个月哭累了才睡着。没有人会提到自己最珍惜的事物一瞬间就不存在他们生活中那种心碎的感受。没有人愿意去回想这些伤透了他们的道别。
I’m here to tell you that they broke me—that they broke us.
我要在这里要告诉你们这些道别伤透了我--伤透了我们。
Even though MKs struggle with this grief daily, we never talk about it. It feels trivial to bring up how we cried that morning because the air smelled different, or because there weren’t any birds outside our window. We don’t want to complain or seem ungrateful, especially when our families are in the middle of transitioning to a new field. Our entire world has changed—with a new language, culture or atmosphere—and every single encounter we have reminds us of our loss. And yet, we don't want to make our parents feel guilty about the move. Instead, we stay quiet and push those feelings aside.
即使MK每天都在为这种悲伤而挣扎，但我们从未谈论过。人们会觉得过于矫情，有必要为了早上起来不一样的空气，又或者是为了窗外已看不见的小鸟而哭泣吗？我们不愿意去抱怨或看上去有任何的不满足，特别是当我们的家庭正在过渡到一个新的环境中。我们的世界被改变了--新的语言、新的文化、新的氛围--每一个遇见的新鲜事物同时也在提醒我们之前所失去的。但同时我们又不想让家长因为新的移居而怀有负罪感。所以我们把这些感情轻轻地推开，悄悄地隐藏起来。
“I learned to squelch the grief over the loss of that person in my daily life, with their warm smile, hearty laughter, and comforting hug,” said Debbie Warren, MK from Nigeria. “A phrase I heard often—‘We’ll see them in heaven’—told me to stuff the ache and stop complaining.”
“我学会了用新朋友们温暖的笑容、热烈的笑声、和舒服的拥抱来压制在我生命中失去另一个人的痛苦，”一位来自尼日利亚叫Debbie Warren的MK描述到，“我经常听到的一句话-‘我们会在天堂见到他们’-告诉我要塞住痛苦，停止抱怨。”
In one sense, this is true—we will see some of those people again. But our tears aren’t just for the people. They’re for the colors of the native fabrics, the taste of our favorite foods, and the smell of sea salt in the air. I don’t go a day here in Portugal without longing for my old home in Tanzania, even though I moved over a year ago. MKs don’t simply mourn the loss of people; we mourn the loss of a country.
从一个角度来讲， 这是正确的--我们重新见到那些人当中的某些人。但我们的泪不止为朋友而洒。它同时也为当地织布的颜色、喜欢食物的味道、空气中夹杂着海的盐味而流出。在葡萄牙没有任何一天不去想念我那在坦桑尼亚的旧家，虽然我已搬家一年之久了。MK们不单为失去朋友哀悼；我们哀悼的是一整个国家。
The pain and loss continue to build as the grief begins to overwhelm us. Unfortunately, most MKs are never taught how to properly handle grief. Instead, it grows in secret until it starts to affect every part of us. Some of us never move on and simply choose to numb the pain. We cut ties with our old lives, but we never attempt to build a new one. Others develop a constant fear of loneliness and loss, throwing themselves too quickly into friendships and relationships in the hope that they won’t ever have to say goodbye again.
痛苦和失去在心里不断累积，我们渐渐被悲伤淹没。不幸的是，大多数MK从没有被很好地教导要如何应付这种悲痛的情绪。这情绪在心里秘密地生长，直到它开始影响我们生活的每一部分。我们有些人停滞不前，选择去麻痹伤痛。我们把之前所有和旧生活有关的联系全部切除，但又不尝试去建立新的感情。另外些人对孤独和失去产生了反复的恐惧，一下子让自己太快又太深地陷进了友谊和关系中，希望这一次他们不需要重新说再见。
The fear of goodbyes is very real. It’s a natural tendency to try and avoid the same type of pain in the future. While some MKs have no problem saying goodbye, others struggle with the concept. They find different ways to word it, or they avoid goodbyes altogether.
对道别的恐惧是真实的。避免同样的伤痛在未来发生是再自然不过的。一些MK可以很从容地应对道别，其他人还是不能从这个概念中走出来。他们用不同的方式去描述出这种感受，又或者他们完全避免去道别。
Another MK from India, Joy Ziemann, said, “I have a hard time saying goodbye. It is easier to say ‘see you’ and pretend it is not really goodbye.”
Joy Ziemann是一位印度的MK。他说：“我很难道别。see you（下次见）更能让我说出口，假装这不是一次再也不见的道别。”
I’m trying my very hardest to show churches, family members, and supporters what being an MK truly means. I want you to know that, while we may seem strong, or emotionally detached from the moves, we struggle with the loss of countries, cultures, and customs. It’s not as simple as moving states or school districts. We feel the grief from these moves for years.
我一直在努力对教会、家人、和支持我们家庭的人表达作为MK真正意味着什么。我想要让你们知道，或许我们看上去很坚强，对于搬家没有情绪上的波澜，但我们内心一直挣扎于国家、文化、习俗的失去。这和搬到一个新的州或者新的学区不一样。这种悲伤会持续好几年。
However, I can say that over the years the pain fades. It gradually shifts to a dull ache that comes and goes. And you know what? I wouldn't trade those memories for the world. I wouldn’t change a single second of my past, even if it would’ve made the goodbye less painful.
痛苦随着时间的洗刷，会渐渐地褪去，变成隐隐作痛，随来随走的情绪。但是你知道吗？我不愿意交换这些回忆。我不会想改变我过去的任何一秒钟，就算这会使我道别的痛苦少一些。
Goodbyes never get any easier, but they eventually turn into bittersweet memories that remain with us forever—a closing point in that part of our lives which ended a wonderful chapter. These goodbyes slowly morph from painful experiences to melancholy memories that are never forgotten.
道别从来就不是简单的。但是它最终会成为苦乐参半的回忆，并和我们终生相伴--一个生活的结点，成为生命中最漂亮的一个篇章。这些道别慢慢地从痛苦的经历蜕变为一生都难以忘记的回忆。
This is the beautiful art of goodbyes.
这就是道别美丽的艺术。
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这是我很早就想翻译的文章。TCK的孩子很早熟，回到自己的国家之后，总觉得自己在同龄孩子眼中是个异类，找不到可以被理解的人。自己的经历也被其他的人不曾当回事儿过。只有当自己亲身经历了之后，才会明白在没有同样背景朋友的环境下一个人的孤独，才会明白TCK留恋家，但是又害怕回家不能被以前的事物、朋友接受的矛盾情绪。
如果哪里翻译的不好，或者哪里可以翻译地过呢更好，也请指出。
最后我竟然发现这位作者是和我在坦桑尼亚上同一个高中的校友。
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