S1-EP01

C'mon, you are going out with the guy!

• C'mon == come on
• go out: 出去(约会)

There's gotta be something wrong with him!

• There has got to be...: 必须，肯定

So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?

• hump: 驼峰；驼背 n., v.
• hairpiece: a piece of false hair 假发 n.

Wait, does he eat chalk?

• chalk: 粉笔 n., v.

Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl.

• go through: 经历, 经受

Sounds like a date to me.

• 听上去像是和我约会(to)

Alright, so I'm back in high school, I am standing in the middle of cafeteria and I realize I am totally naked.

• cafeteria: 自助餐厅； 小餐厅；快餐厅

All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring and it turns out it's my mother which is very very weird because

• all of a sudden: 忽然
• phone...ring: 电话响起
• and it turns out: 结果
• weird: 奇怪(口语化，一般不用strange)

This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.

• wanna = want to

I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck.

• throat: 喉咙
• small intestine: 小肠
• grab: grasp and seize suddenly and roughly, 猛烈突然地抓
• tie around: 缠绕

Carol moved her stuff out today.

• moved her stuff out: 东西搬走了

Stop cleansing my aura.

• cleanse: make something(skin) clean thoroughly, 彻底清洁
• aura: the distinctive atmosphere or quality seems to surround or be generated by someone. 灵气

to hell with her, she left me!

• 去她妈的，她甩了我

And you never knew she was a lesbian.

• lesbian: 女同

Why does everyone keep fixating on that?

• fixate: cause someone to develop an obsessive attachment to someone/sth.
• 为啥大家围绕这个话题打转

Did I say that out loud?

• 我 大声说出来了吗？

You are feeling a lot of pain now. You're angry. You're hurting.

• feel a lot of pain: 感到痛苦

Strip Joint

• strip: 脱衣
• 脱衣舞俱乐部

Have some hormones!

• hormones: 荷尔蒙

I just went to your building and you weren't there.

• go to your building == 去你家

or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?

• bridesmaid: 伴娘

It started about a half hour before the wedding, I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents and I was looking at the gravy boat.

• gravy: 肉汁
• gravy boat: 调味汁瓶

This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.

• gorgeous: beautiful and very attractive
• Limoges: a city in west central France
  • Limoges is known for its medieval and Renaissance enamels (Limoges enamels) on copper

I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry.

• be turned on: 被激发兴趣，被触下开关

And the I got really freaked out.

• get freaked out: 吓坏了

And that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato head.

• when it hit me: 突然想到

I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart.

• kinda = kind of = sort of 程度
• drift: 漂移 --> drift apart 生疏了

I am guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ and she's really not happy about it.

• pipe organ: 管风琴

push her down the stairs.

• 推她下楼

It's a metaphor, daddy.

• metaphor: 隐喻

You can see where he'd had trouble.

• 这就是他的问题所在了

Well, I guess we've established she's staying here with Monica.

• 我们已经确认...

Raindrops on roses, rabbits and kittens, bluebells, ** sleigh-bells** and something on mittens

• kittens: 小猫咪
• bluebell: 蓝色风铃草
• sleigh-bell: 雪橇 铃铛
• mittens: 手套

look, this's probably for the best, you know?

• 这样反而更好

Taking control of your life

• 主宰自己的生命

Me and Chandler live across the hall and he's away a lot.

• Chandler经常不在家

Stop hitting on her.

• 别再勾引/调戏她了

Buzz him in.

• buzz: 一种嗡嗡声
• buzz him in == let him in

Paul the Wine Guy

• Paul 那个调酒师

Oh, this is a Dear Diary Moment!

• 值得铭记的时刻

I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?

• didn't catch sth.: 我没听清楚xx

I just pulled out four eyelashes.

• eyelash: 眼睫毛

What're you up to tonight?

• 你今晚干什么？

I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon.

• be supposed to: to be expected to do something
• be headed for: To be in the process of doing something or traveling to some end point or destination.
• on ones honeymoon: 在蜜月中

big lizard

• lizard: 蜥蜴🦎

Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.

• come over to do: 来
• put together: 组装

I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.

• hang out: to spend time idly or in relaxing or socializing

I'm supposed to attach a brackety things to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys.

• bracket: 支架
• worm: 蜗杆

I see no worm guys whatsoever.

• whatsoever == at all
• 一点儿也没看见worms

I cannot feel my legs.

• 我腿麻了

She always drank it out of can, I should have known.

• drink - drank
• out of can: 不用易拉罐（喝）

She got the furniture, stereo and the good TV.

• stereo: 音响

You got screwed.

• screw: n. 螺旋；螺丝钉；吝啬鬼, vt. 旋，拧；压榨；强迫
• == you failed or you were attacked by someone. 你被坑了

I'm such an idiot.

• 我是大白痴

I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week.

• catch on = understand what is meant or how to do something.

My brother's going through that right now. He is such a mess.

• 他现在也很纠结

How did you get through it?

• go through vs. get through

Well, you might try accidentally breaking somethings valuable of hers.

• try doing

I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on.

• with socks on: 穿着袜子

Machine cut me off again.

• 电话挂断了

There's Rocky Road, and cookie dough and Bing! cherry vanilla.

• rocky road ice cream is a chocolate flavored ice cream.
• cookie dough: 曲奇
• vanilla: 香草

You could get'em with Jimmies, or nuts or whipped cream!

• jimmies: 糖条
• whipped cream: cream, typically sweetened, that has been beaten until it is light and fluffy. 打发的奶油

Grab a spoon!

• 拿起勺子，开挖吧

I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.

• horny: 欲火难耐了

Stay out of my freezer!

• 离我冰箱远点

It's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.

• revelation: reveal, 披露
• 第五次约会才讲(披露)的事情

I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.

• spit: 喷(水)

I am glad you smashed her watch.

• smash: 粉碎