昨天听一位职场成功女性分享了她的成长体会，她提到一条她的闺蜜给她的最有帮助的建议：be emotionally detached from your work。就这一句，一听到我就觉得醍醐灌顶，困扰我多年的症结被它不偏不倚击中要害。原来，从小长辈倒给我的她们在工作环境里攒下的苦水、步入职场后自己心里经历的一次次暴风骤雨，其实都只是被我们不明智地反刍、沉溺、放大了，而对待它们最健康最负责的态度则是：尽快把自己从波动的情感中抽离。这个智慧的选择，不仅是对自己身心的呵护，而且也是对手中的工作、身边同伴的负责任的照顾。它会帮助我们有效地防止情绪上的内耗，保持对大方向的专注。

顿悟的那一刻，除了感谢台上的讲述者，我也感叹生命奇妙，同样的话估计我也没少听过，但为什么是在那样的场合那个时间点，它一瞬间就解除了我长久以来的情绪魔咒？所谓“非岁月不可”，诚然。我也终于踏实地相信，我在越来越从容坚定地做好自己的主人——成长，在每一次情绪的取舍和聚焦前，清晰可见。

顺手搜了以下这篇方法文章，贴在这里，需要的时候当作自救的行动清单。

另外，我还读到了一项2014年的心理研究，研究结果有点出乎意料。大意是，虽然带着积极情绪进入工作的人会比带着负面情绪工作的人表现得稍好，但是，不带情绪的人在工作上的表现竟远远地高过前两者。所以咯，要想在工作上精进，学会在必要的时候将感情抽离的重要性不言而喻。

How to Be Emotionally Detached 

如何从情绪中抽离

Three Methods:Coping with FeelingsFocusing on YourselfUsing Techniques to DetachCommunity Q&A

三种方法：应对感觉、关注自身、使用情绪抽离的技巧

Sometimes it is healthy to detach from emotional pain if it is too intense or overwhelming in that moment, if it could be dangerous (could lead to harming yourself, or using a dangerous drug), if the timing is not right (if you are at work or school or in an unsafe place), or if you do not feel comfortable expressing emotion in your current situation (i.e. if you are around certain individuals that you do not trust to share your feelings with). In order to healthily detach from strong emotions, you may benefit from learning to cope with difficult emotions, paying attention to yourself and your own needs, and practicing techniques for successful emotional detachment. 

有时，如果你觉得情绪会对你自己造成身体上的伤害，或者时间地点不适合应对，那么把自己从情绪中抽离出来是一个健康的办法。下面就有几种能帮助你健康地抽离的方法：1.学习和有挑战的情绪共处，2.关注你自身以及3，练习情绪抽离的技巧。

Method1   Coping with Feelings  方法1   应对你的感觉

1 Explore the reasons for your strong emotional reactions. In order to better detach yourself, you should be aware of the reason for your strong reaction. Three reasons why you may be feeling emotional are:

you are being highly sensitive

the situation is triggering a painful past event

you are feeling a loss of control over the situation, which can provoke a lot of anger and frustration.

1. 寻找引起你强烈情绪反应的原因。为了让你自己抽离，你应该对引起你强烈情绪反应的原因有所察觉。以下是三种可能的原因：

你高度敏感 / 事件触发了痛苦的记忆 / 你觉得对形势失去了控制，而这会引发很大的愤怒和不满

2 Know the difference between healthy and unhealthy detachment.  知道健康和不健康的（情绪）抽离的区别。

It is natural and normal to want to emotionally detach sometimes, especially if the emotion is too painful or overwhelming to fully deal with at the current time. However, extreme emotional detachment from others is associated with psychopathy, where individuals commit crimes against others without remorse.[1] Extreme emotional disassociation can also be the result of experiencing trauma.

If you want to detach sometimes due to intense emotions, that is perfectly healthy. We may not always be in the place to cope with strong emotions. However, if you find yourself isolating from others constantly or being emotionally numb (not feeling emotions), you could suffer from a larger psychological concern.

Some signs you may need therapy or treatment include: social isolation, avoidance of social activities, intense fear of rejection, recurrent depressed or anxious mood, difficulty completing work (school or occupational duties), and frequent social conflict or physical fights with others.

注意：如果你发现自己有如下的表现，那可能就需要去寻求专业治疗：与世隔离、逃避社交、强烈地害怕被拒绝、反复的抑郁或焦虑情绪、完成工作困难、经常性的社交冲突或者与他人的身体冲突。

3 Accept your emotional state. 接受你的情绪现状

Paradoxically, if we accept our emotions as valid and normal, we can be better at detaching from them when we need a break.[2][3]Oftentimes, we may want to push our emotions away because they do not feel good. However, these emotions give us valuable information about our situation and our perceptions.[4] Similar to physical pain, negative feelings (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress) are like your brains way of alerting you that there is a problem.

看似自相矛盾但又确实不虚的是，当我们把我们的情绪看作情有可原的正常状况，我们反倒能在需要透口气的时候更容易地从情绪中抽离。经常，我们可能想要避开感觉不好的情绪。然而，这些情绪为我们提供了审视我们所在的境况和看待事情的角度的有价值的信息。类似于身体疼痛，负面感觉（害怕、愤怒、悲伤、焦虑、压力）也是你的大脑再给你拉警报，提醒你有问题出现了。

The next time you have a painful emotion such as anger, think to yourself, “I am angry because _____. This anger gives me good information about how I am reacting to this situation and will help me decide how I should deal with it. It is okay to feel angry.” The anger itself is not the issue, it is what you do with the anger you feel. You can choose to ignore it and stuff it down, but this could end up making it come back even more powerful the next time.

下次，如果你有了痛苦的情绪，比如：愤怒，暗自想想：“我在生气，因为_____。这股愤怒让我看清了我是如何应对这个情况的，它也会帮我决定应该如何处理它。生气就生气吧。”愤怒本身不是重点，重点在于你怎么回应你感觉到的愤怒。你可以选择无视它，把它填压住，但这有可能会让它最终反弹得更厉害。

If you accept your emotion, and find a healthy way of coping with it, then it loses its power over you and you can healthily detach from it when you need to.

如果你接受你的情绪，找到一种健康的方式去处理它，那它对你的影响就减弱了，在你需要的时候，就可以安全地从中抽离。

In the moment, try shifting focus[5], as well as deep breathing to activate the body's calming response. The first is a cognitive process associated with decreased anxiety, and the second is a physical action one can take to initiate the body's calming response.

在情绪上来的时刻，试着转移注意力，同时深呼吸来激活身体的镇静反应。前者是一个伴随着焦虑减弱的认知过程，后者是一个能让人平静下来的身体动作。

You can also cope by taking a nap, doing an art project, taking a walk, getting a massage, hanging out with a pet, drinking tea, listening to music, and even kissing your significant other[6].

你也可以小睡一下、做一些与艺术相关的事情、散散步、按个摩、溜下宠物、喝杯茶、听听音乐甚至亲亲你的伴侣。

4 Express your feelings in a safe place.  在安全的环境中表达你的情绪感觉

Giving yourself the space to feel your emotions in a safe way is integral to being able to detach when you need to. Set a time each day to feel your feelings.

Practice crying alone. Crying in front of the one who is harassing you will only provoke them to taunt you more or continue with their harassment. Breathing deeply and thinking of something other than the situation may prevent you from fully processing the situation and ultimately prevent you from crying. However, it is not healthy to keep that sadness in. Try your best to wait until the situation has ended and for the antagonist to leave the room before you begin to cry. 

在人前，尤其是在欺负你的人和相关场合下，深呼吸、转移注意力，尽量忍住别哭。但是找到安全的环境，独自一人的时候要哭出来，别憋坏了。

5 Write down your feelings and thoughts[7].  写下你的感觉和想法

Just as it is unhealthy to keep from crying, it is also unhealthy to keep anger, confusion, and other negative emotions inside. Putting those feelings and thoughts on paper or on the computer can help you process and deal with difficult emotions so that you can detach when you feel the need. 和哭的作用类似，把感受和想法写在纸上或电脑里会帮你慢慢

Write down how you feel in a secret journal or diary. 把你的真实感受写进秘密日记。

To avoid ruminating on your negative thoughts, try identifying alternative ways of thinking about or looking at the situation. For example, if your negative thought is, "This person is such a jerk!" Perhaps you can also write down, "However, this individual may have had a difficult life and is being this way to cope with anger or sadness." A little empathy can go a long way in helping you cope with difficult people and situations.

 为了避免自己沉溺在消极想法里，试试转换一些角度和方法来看事情，比如，骂完一个人后，转念一想，这个人可能他自己也过得不好。一点点的同情心可能会在与难搞的人和事打交道的时候帮上大忙。

6 Distract yourself.  转移注意力

Think about or do something else[8]. Do not simply ignore the feeling or situation. If you try to stop thinking about something, you may just end up thinking about it more. This is called the white-bear phenomenon, where subjects in a research study were told not to think about a white bear; and of course that is all they could think about.[9] Instead of focusing on avoiding thinking about what is making you upset, try to think about something else instead. 有个白熊理论说的是，你越是让人不想某个东西某件事，他就越是想得多。所以与其不断告诉自己别想这事儿了，还不如直接换件事情想。

Try distraction activities like: gardening, playing a game, watching a movie, reading a magazine, playing an instrument, painting, drawing, cooking, or talking to a friend.[10] 具体的，比如：园艺啊，玩个游戏啊，看个电影啊，读本杂志啊，玩玩乐器啊，涂涂画画啊，下个厨房啊，或者跟朋友聊聊。

7 Take action physically.  让身体动起来

Go for a walk, a bike ride or any other cardiovascular activity. Aerobic activity is proven to boost endorphins and will help you be in a better position to monitor and change your reactions to emotional predators.[11] Exercise can also be a great distracting or grounding technique.

Consider the following physical activities: hiking, rowing, kayaking, gardening, cleaning, jumping rope, dancing, kickboxing, yoga, Pilates, Zumba, push-ups, sit-ups, sports, running, and walking. 考虑做下这些活动：远足、划船、皮划艇、园艺、打扫卫生、跳绳、跳舞、拳击、瑜伽、普拉提、尊巴舞、俯卧撑、仰卧起坐、运动、跑步和散步。

Method2   Focusing on Yourself   方法2  聚焦在你自己身上

1 Self-reflect. 反观自己

One way to healthfully detach is to focus on observing yourself like an outsider, from an objective stance.[12] This is sometimes called the “third eye,” where you have an additional vision of yourself from the outside.

When you are alone, simply observe how you are feeling and thinking. Ask yourself, “How am I doing today? What am I thinking about?”

独自一人时，观察自己的感觉和想法就够了。问问自己：“我今天感觉怎么样啊？我现在在想什么？”（很有效的问题，一定要强调当下的感觉是怎样的，不是昨天，不是懊恼的事情发生时候的情感记忆，就仅仅是提问的这一刻。）

You can also work on observing yourself in social situations. Pay attention to what you say, do, how you act, and what emotions you express.

你也可以练习在社交场景中观察自己。留意你的言谈举止以及其背后你要表达的情绪。

2 Validate yourself.  看见并允许自己的感觉

Self-validation is an important component of learning how to distance yourself emotionally. Validation means confirming that how you are thinking or feeling is reasonable.

告诉自己，你的所思所觉都是情有可原的。

You can use positive self-talk. Say to yourself, “It is okay and natural to feel how I am feeling. Even if I don’t want to show it, I am allowed to feel this way.” 比如，跟自己说：“我有现在的情绪很自然，没什么大不了。即使我不打算发泄出来，我也允许自己在心里这样想想。”

3 Set emotional boundaries.  （对外界）设立情绪边界

Setting emotional boundaries is about putting your needs first by setting limits on what you will tolerate from others. If you can, disengage from individuals who irritate or upset you, such as particular coworkers or neighbors.

Try setting boundaries by telling individuals directly how you feel, and what you would like them to do. For example, if your brother teases you, you could say, “I feel angry when you tease me like that. I would appreciate it if you stop.” It may also be helpful to identify the consequences of breaking this boundary such as, “If you don’t stop, I might not want to continue to be around you.” Here, you calmly discuss your anger without blowing up.

Method3   Using Techniques to Detach 方法3  运用情绪抽离的技巧

1 Use your wise mind. 利用你的“智慧脑”（情绪和理智的最佳平衡部分）

According to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), a prominent therapy modality that helps teach individuals distress tolerance, we have an emotional mind and a rational mind. Our wise mind is a mix of both emotions and rational thought. The key to detaching or distancing yourself from emotional pain for a period of time is to use your wise mind – the perfect balance between the logical part and emotional part of your brain. Instead of only reacting emotionally, attempt to think rationally about the situation.[13]

Acknowledge your feelings by saying, "Emotions are natural. Even strong emotions pass. I can work out why I had such a strong reaction after I get myself calm."

Ask yourself, "Is this going to matter in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years? How much does this actually affect my life?"

问问你自己：“1年、5年或10年后，这件事还重要吗？它会在多大程度上影响我的生活？”

Ask yourself if your thought is fact or fiction. What is the bigger picture?[14]

自问你的想法是事实还是杜撰。往大处看是怎样的情形？

2 Maintain emotional distance through  mindfulness.  通过练习“正念”保持情绪上的距离

Creating emotional distance is useful if you need to be empathic toward someone, but do not want to be overwhelmed or overly affected by the person's emotions.[15] Mindfulness can be a useful technique in achieving a level of empathy that includes a level of distance that reduces the possibility of being flooded by the other person's emotions.

Try eating a piece of food mindfully (raisin, candy, apple, etc).[16] First focus on what it looks like, its color and shape. Then notice how it feels in your hands, its texture and temperature. Finally, eat a small piece of the food slowly and notice how it tastes, and feels when you are eating it. Pay close attention to this experience.

Go on a mindfulness walk. Try walking for 20 minutes or so. Simply focus on your walking, and what is going on around you. How does the air feel? Is it hot, cold, windy, calm? What sounds do you hear? Are there birds chirping, people talking, or car alarms going off? How does it feel to move your body? What do you see? Are there trees swaying in the wind, or animals moving about?[17]

Bring your focus back to the present moment instead of being caught up in your thoughts and feelings or other personal reactions. Mindfulness requires concentration on the present moment, awareness of your own reactions, acceptance and letting go of painful thoughts and emotions, and thinking of thoughts as ideas instead of truths.[18]

3 Take deep breaths[19].  深呼吸

If you are stressed out, your body naturally tenses and sends your thoughts racing. Breathe deep and slow to avoid a lack of oxygen that can add to the problem.[20]

Place yourself in a comfortable position and practice breathing deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus deeply on your breathing and how it feels throughout your body to inhale and exhale. Make sure you are breathing from your diaphragm; this means that you should feel your stomach move fully in and out as you breathe. It should feel like you are filling up a balloon and releasing it every time you breathe. Do this for at least 5 minutes.

4 Use grounding exercises. 做一些比如：数数、数房间里的东西、列举你喜欢的颜色等的弱智逻辑练习

Grounding is perfect for emotional detachment because it involves techniques specifically for distancing yourself from emotional pain.[21]

Try the following grounding techniques: count to 100 in your head, count imaginary sheep, count the number of things in the room, think of the names of all the United States, or name all of the colors you can think of. Try anything logical and unemotional that will take your mind off the situation.

5 Keep up the habit.  坚持这个习惯

Eventually, your mind will learn to store things away and you'll go into thinking of logical and unemotional things naturally. The more you practice, the better you will be at detaching from painful emotions.

最终，你的大脑会学会把情绪负担放一边，自然地进入对纯逻辑不带感情的事情的工作中。你练习得越多，就越容易从痛苦的情绪中抽离。