小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，武磊实现了在西班牙人队首发出场，实现了中国球员在西甲联赛的首次首发。欧冠赛场，曼联主场不敌巴黎，皇马战胜阿贾克斯，热刺完胜多特蒙德，切尔西也在欧联杯战胜对手。周末联赛，巴萨小胜对手，皇马则遭赫罗纳逆转，尤文、米兰、国米和拜仁等球队则纷纷取胜。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！
武磊首发，西班牙人0-0瓦伦西亚
Kloppkult(利物浦球迷)：坐等他们再签下司马懿和曹操！(ping me when they sign Sima Yi and Cao Cao.)
Tickub(泰国球迷)：你这魏国的伪球迷，还不是看他们赢了才粉的！(Friggin' Wei bandwagoners, only hopping on after they've won.)
天使两助攻，曼联0-2巴黎
Postmandmelon(阿森纳球迷)：桑切斯上半场的表现太牛了，不但没有失误，就连一次触球都没有呢！(What a wonderful first half from Alexis, not a single mistake and not a single touch.)
thesilentGinlasagna(西班牙球迷)：如果我是曼联对手的教练，我就直接把空间留给阿什利-扬，这样他不就能一直给我们的后卫传球了嘛！(If I were coaching against United I’d just leave the wing open to Young so he could consistently cross to our defenders.)
_bajz_ 12(西班牙球迷)：不太明白曼联这迷之传中这么多，而禁区里却只有桑切斯和马塔…(Honestly, I don't know what United is trying to accomplish with all of those crosses while having Mata and Sanchez in the box.)
UniqueUsername_10(曼联球迷)：我们把费莱尼卖的太早了，现在还有点不适应…(We sold Fellaini too soon. No way wecan recover from this.)
阿森西奥绝杀，皇马2-1阿贾克斯
Trickybuz93(未知主队球迷)：阿贾克斯要在中场休息时买个前锋，是不是已经来不及了？(Is it too late for Ajax to buy a striker at half break?)
Hunchovis(未知主队球迷)：现在我有点担心巴萨球迷的精神状况了，希望他们看完这场球后一切安康…(Genuinely concerned about the mental state of Barca fans right now really hope they're all ok.)
DarkSofter(曼联球迷)：考虑到阿贾克斯的出色表现，对于2-1的比分肯定是不满意啊，更何况他们还是那个1…(Ajax should have been sad even with a 2-1 lead considering how much they dominated till now, and somehow they are 1 down.)
Jeronn(阿贾克斯球迷)：阿贾克斯不就这样，掌控比赛、门前吐饼，最终被对方防反偷鸡成功…(This is how it feels to watch Ajax in Europe, dominate the game, miss all chances and eventually get a counter goal and lose the game.)
Mattiejj(阿贾克斯球迷)：天才的战术啊，当我们的左后卫前插进攻的时候，贝尔竟然来帮我们解围了！(I like this strategy where Bale is covering the LB position so our LB can go forward, tactical genius.)
helloswros(未知主队球迷)：经历了卡里乌斯之后，贝尔就不把门将放在眼里了，随便什么位置都会射门…(Even since Karius, Bale has lost all fear for goalkeepers, keeps shooting from everywhere.)
孙兴慜进球，热刺3-0多特蒙德
TwoPlankinWiz(曼城球迷)：看来热刺在赢英超之前要先夺欧冠了！(Scenes when Tottenham win the Champions League before the PL.)
GwynethPaltrowsHea(热刺球迷)：告诉我，在伦敦唯一能看到欧冠的地方在哪里？(Tell me the ONLY place in London to watch Champions League football.)
StalkingDwarf(切尔西球迷)：为什么每次我看拉梅拉的时候他就能变成梅西…(I swear whenever I watch Lamela, he either turns into Messi.)
BabaTheFrog(沙尔克球迷)：我好想笑啊，可是我们马上就要踢曼城了…(I want to laugh but we play City next week :(
爆冷输球，阿森纳0-1鲍里索夫
RunnerComet(鲍里索夫球迷)：队员们做到了！他们不惧艰难，创造了历史！他们，竟然输给了我们鲍里索夫！(Those madmans did it, they actually did the impossible, they against all odds... lost to us.)
sauce_murica(未知主队球迷)：阿森纳这么努力地输球，就是为了把公众视线从曼联输给巴黎的比赛里移出来…(Arsenal working hard to take the focus off Man. United's loss to PSG…)
2ndfastestmanalive(阿森纳球迷)：问大家一个问题，你有没有推掉情人节计划，就为了来看这场球？(The question on everyone’s mind... did you postpone Valentine’s Day plans for this?)
sauce_murica(未知主队球迷)：别蒙我了，我看了整场比赛，阿森纳球员根本就不会前插，整场比赛都不射啊！(We all watched that match. Don't lie to us. Arsenal managed no penetration and failed to score.)
吉鲁进球，切尔西2-1马尔默
OnlyOneSnoopy(切尔西球迷)：我怀疑这场裁判在赛前把红黄牌忘在更衣室了…(I think this Ref has left his cards in the changing-room since the start of the game...)
VasiliiZaytsev(阿森纳球迷)：切尔西帮我们个忙吧！你要是也输了球，阿森纳就不会是今天唯一被嘲笑的了…(Alright Chelsea do us a favour and fuck this up so Arsenal aren't the only ones being mocked today)
Tizer_(切尔西球迷)：今天是弱队逆袭的日子！鲍里索夫和切尔西都创造了历史！(Today is the day for small teams, Borisov and we’ve made histoty!)
梅西点射二中一
巴萨1-0巴拉多利德
Anonymousloverboy(巴萨球迷)：梅西是不是赛前在更衣室打了个飞机，这场简直就是贤者模式啊…(Did Messi have a wank in the dressing room right before the game? He looks so lost and distracted.)
THeScArYFAcE1(皇马球迷)：巴萨这踢得就像一坨翔，真不知道该高兴还是难过，因为巴萨最终还是赢了球…(barcelona have been playing like shit , idk if i should be happy about that or sad because they're still winning this game.)
Iciboy(布莱克本球迷)：是不是外星人把梅西抢走了，然后留下一个凡人给我们？(Did the Aliens take Messi for a day and replaced him with a human?)
Imperator91(葡萄牙体育球迷)：苏亚雷斯恐怕是下注100欧元赌这场比分是1-0吧…(Suarez must have put €100 on the game ending 1-0.)
拉莫斯染红，皇马1-2赫罗纳
graveyeverton93(埃弗顿球迷)：巴萨已经很尽力地往外扔西甲冠军了，但给皇马机会你不中用啊！(Barcelona have tried their best to throw away the La Liga Title this season, and Real Madrid have still fucked it.)
immu_01(西班牙球迷)：库尔图瓦最后时刻差点头球绝平，基本就是皇马下半场唯一的亮点了…(Courtois nearly equalising was RMs only highlight of the second half.)
C罗迪巴拉进球
尤文3-0弗罗西诺内
Sensate_ 14(未知主队球迷)：天呐，我看到了什么？尤文已经2-0领先了，竟然还是踢攻势足球？(I cant believe what i'm seeing. Juve are 2-0 up and actually playing attacking football & looking to score more goals.)
ManNamedBilly(曼联球迷)：看到C罗搂住了迪巴拉，马塞洛在西班牙流下了伤心的泪水…(marcelo is crying somewhere in madrid over the hugs he gives Dybala.)
好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。本周，精彩的欧冠赛事又将重燃战火，让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！（本文内容来源懂球帝，如侵权请联系删除）
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