It's a pity

文/芳梓烊

2019/01/13      周日        阴天

It's a pity

A lot of things, I guess the beginning, but the end and process is beyond my imagination.

Yesterday really really let me to her regain confidence, very is joyful, but one day passed, my heart also like this city's temperature general, warm not to rise.

I came here yesterday afternoon, my bestie said to ask me to eat a good meal, order take-out, to tell the truth is really not good, food is not our school good. But her heart I got, I told her that the next time I go to my school I will take her to eat I think very delicious food.

This morning I woke up very early, the bed here is very small, two people sleep together is really bound, did not have a good rest last night. Get up to go to the toilet, I detection they all did not move, carefully of action. When I finished memorizing the English words of the day in "silent mode" with headphones, they got up one after another. After you wash gargle, doing their own thing, a little hungry, fortunately, before yesterday I bought bread, then one by one and they share my bread, although yesterday I came here he had felt their attitude to me and my friends, but I think that's their things, they casually, anyway, I'll stay here for a few days, I best friend is a bit of a heartache.

Eat something pad stomach, eleven o 'clock when my bestie took me to her school canteen for lunch, she probably sex and I said about the canteen structure, we have visited the first and second floor. When she asked me if I had my cell phone with me, I was a little surprised, but when I saw that she only paid her share after choosing her own dishes, I understood.

I felt like I was being hit in the face with a slap, and I couldn't quite understand what she was doing. She asked me to come here to accompany her home after the exam, otherwise I would have gone home. To here the fare, even the bus I have to solve their own, heart a little cold.

However, the most unacceptable thing for me was that I wanted to wash my hair after dinner. She said that it was a little troublesome to get the water, but I said that I had to wash my hair today. She told me that the hair dryer would be blown for five minutes and I would have to pay one yuan for it.

After I washed my hair, she took me to the place where I installed the hair dryer. Before I went out, she reminded me to bring my mobile phone. She told me that it was paid by WeChat. You said I would pay for my own dinner. I understand. Go Dutch. But that's what happens when you blow your hair for a dollar. I feel really bad about the time, energy and money I spend every year buying her a gift.

Also, when she bought the train ticket for me, she told me that she had bought it, and I calculated the money and transferred it to her immediately. Yesterday morning, she returned the ticket, and she said that she didn't have enough money for WeChat. She asked me to buy it, and I bought it immediately. Today noon she says pay treasure to transfer money to me, I say go all right, she asks me to should turn how much, I calculated to say with her, she is puzzled ask me to calculate wrong, do not have so much? After I explained it to her twice, she transferred money to me, but when I watched the TV play, I caught a glimpse of her working on the computer all the time, I felt really not so good, very embarrassed, just took it as not to see. I do not understand, the same starting place, the same destination, but for other time departure, the fare is not the same? Have what good suspicious of, I at that time return much turn also didn't feel how ah.

It seems to be really ping Juan said, "friends even such trust is not difficult will also want her money. I think you think of her as a good friend, or even a bestie, but in fact she really just think of you as a special ordinary classmates.

These things and some time ago those things pile up together, I really hard not to think, it is difficult to do not cold, the sound of "bestie", it is really good irony.

"Friend" or "bestie" or "what she did", really let me down, originally this time is to "wake up" our friendship, but now it seems that I really do not need to "struggle" not to let go.

As it turned out, the "worst case scenario" I had predicted had actually happened. Although I didn't want to see it, I was already experiencing it and feeling it. The day after tomorrow back to their own home, she and I should be over, I will put her from my heart that important position slowly fade out, no longer have any expectations for her.

I and she eventually came to this point, but I have no shame, I gave up a lot for this relationship, pay a lot, but a relationship if only one person in the change, in the effort, is not long.

Imperceptibly from junior high school to now almost the past eight years, time really fast, really not short eight years, but she gave me the memory but let me very helpless.

Before coming, I was very tangled, very painful, ping Juan said I was not worth it, I should have given up her, if I go on like this is just "fussing". But I said no, I have to go, even to give our friendship a last chance.

Now, I am really tired, I know I really should give up on her, because she has given up on me long ago.

Time has witnessed this process, I am so sensitive to feelings, in fact, has long been clear in the heart, but do not want to accept the reality, has been self-deception.

I thought as long as I have been good to her, I will not lose her. But we ultimately, or lost to time, lost to distance, lost to reality.