It has been a long time since i do self- reflection about parenting.

The reason is that i had been working from home since May 1st until June 12th. It was one and a half months. 42 days! almost the length of a summer vacation. The benefits of working from home are quite self-explanatory. First, I can combine working with my personal life, which means i can do whatever i want to do after lessons as long as i can get my work down before the days ends. Also, it saves me the time that is supposed to spend on commuting. Lastly, i could hang out with the kids and take a nap with them every day.  Basically, my time is mostly spent with the kids and i barely have time alone to reflect on my life. That constitutes one major downside of working from home. I do not have any privacy from my family. Sometimes, i just need some time away to be a better mom. 

When i commute to work, i always read. I managed to read several books about parenting and phychological development on my way to work or back home. This reading constantly reminds me to be a better mom, a better person. It is like a mentor living in my own brain that is fighting against my instinct. However, without the reading, i gradually go back to the mode of parenting by instinct. 

Yesterday, Boya got home telling me that Maomao was quite timid in clibing through a rope net tunnel. I started to feel sorry again! Being a bossy mom may save me energy in getting hard-core things done, but the invisible pressure and negative feeling i bring to my boy may shape him into a timid person. Nothing is worse than a boy becoming a timid person. He would always believe he is not good enough and never tastes the feeling of being appreciated out of no reason. He has to continously please his mom to be a good person. That is a cruel sin! I wish him could be free and confident about himself. I wish him could be happy about himself.

This is a reminder for myself: to sincerely compliment him and appreciate him just for who he is. 

To a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower. While i say i can see myself in my way of parenting.