约会的历史

1489年3月27日 在西班牙麦地那市

27 March 1489, Medina del Campo, Spain

英国与西班牙签订了一个条约

Spain In a treatise signed between England

令都铎王朝两岁的王子亚瑟

and Spain, the two-year-old Tudor

与亚拉贡的凯瑟琳订下婚约

prince Arthur is formally engaged to Catherine of Aragon

那时凯瑟琳只有三岁大

– who is at that point three years old.

在前现代时期

It’s an extreme example of what is an entirely normal practice all over the world

这是一种在全世界范围内都非常正常的行为

in the pre-modern era:

婚姻是家族间的一种战略交易

relationships are strategic transactions between families.

夫妇这两人本身的想法是无关紧要的

where the feelings of the couple themselves are of no importance whatsoever.

一个人如果认为自己可以爱上自己最终的伴侣

The idea that you might love,

如果那个人不是众所周知的怪人

let alone be physically attracted to,

都会被当成不负责的人

the person you end up with would be deemed profoundly irresponsible,

更不用说身体上的吸引了

if not plain peculiar.

1761年7月 荷兰 阿姆斯特丹

July 1761, Amsterdam, the Netherlands

法国浪漫主义哲学家简·雅客的小说《朱莉》出版

The publication of Julie, a novel by the French Romantic philosopher

并成为有史以来最为畅销的书籍

Jean-Jacques Rousseau, which becomes the fastest selling book ever written.

这本小说讲述了朱莉的故事

The novel tells the story of Julie,

她年轻漂亮 出身贵族

a beautiful young woman from an aristocratic family who is expected

家人希望她可以嫁给一个门当户对的人

to marry someone of her standing

但出人意料的是

–but, contrary to all the rules, falls in love

她与自己的初中老师圣·布莱由斯相爱了

with her middle-class teacher, Saint-Preux.

但是因为社会地位的差异

However, they cannot get married because of the differences

他们无法结婚

in their social status.

卢梭支持这对不幸的情侣

Rousseau is on the side of the unhappy couple – and his novel

他的小说就是对这一观点的首要论述

is the first major statement of the idea

他认为 婚姻本来就该是

that relationships should essentially be founded

以彼此之间的情感为基础

on the feelings that exist between people,

与阶级 血统以及家庭利益无关

and have nothing to do with class, lineage or family concerns.

但在那时

But as yet,

卢梭和他的小说并没有改变当时的社会秩序

Rousseau and his novel see no way of upturning the social order:

婚姻依旧必须依照父母之命媒妁之言

you still marry who your parents and society tell you,

但是至少

but now at least,

在卢梭的帮助下 人们开始在被包办婚姻时感觉到十分遗憾

with Rousseau’s help, you can feel very sorrythat you have to.

1855年3月 意大利 罗马

March 1855, Rome, Italy

在19世纪意大利的主流小说界

In the major Italian novel of the 19th century,

Federico di Roberto著作《I Viceré》中的两个角色

I Viceré by Federico di Roberto, two characters,

卢克雷齐娅和贝尔德托相爱了

Lucrezia and Benedetto, are in love

但是他们不能结婚

but can’t marry because Lucrezia’s mother refuses to give her permission

卢克雷齐娅的妈妈以社会规范为由拒绝了他们的请求

on the grounds of social propriety.

关键的是 这位母亲守旧老套而且思想狭隘

Crucially, the mother is shown to be old-fashioned and narrow-minded;

这位小说家表示 基于所谓‘理性’而结合的情侣

couples formed by ‘ reason’are, the novelist suggests,

远远没有因爱情而结合的情侣幸福

a lot less happy than those guided by instinct.

这本书有着热烈的浪漫主义设想

The book works with the growing Romantic assumption

认为婚姻应基于感情

that relationships should be based on sentiment and

认为找到一个能和我们愉快地共度余生的人的最好机会

that the best chances of finding someone we can get on well

不是看他们做什么工作

with over a lifetime is not to find out what their job is or whether

或者去看他们是否来自优质的家庭

they come from a good family,

而是要看

but whether we experience an overwhelming physical and

我们是否会因他们的存在而感到身心上的双重着迷

emotional attraction in their presence.

婚姻必须是情感奉献下的神圣结合

Marriage must be a union consecrated by feeling.

1892年 英国伦敦

1892 London England

这一年最成功的喜剧演出 是查理的姑妈

The most successful comic play of the year – Charley’s Aunt –

讲的是查理邀请凯蒂共进午餐

turns on the fact that Charley has invited Kitty to lunch

但是 在约定前的最后几分钟

on a date but, at the last minute,

他发现姑妈不能来和他们一起吃饭了

learns that his aunt won’t be able to join them.

这引起了两人的惊慌

This creates a panic because

因为当时情侣约会需要有个监督人陪同

a dating couple should have a chaperone,

这个监督人得是一位年长的女性

an older woman whose presence will ensure that

她的存在可以确保情侣间不会有亲密的言语与行为

nothing very intimate can be said or done.

查理想了一个解决办法

Charley’ssolution is to get a male friend to

就是让他的一位男性朋友穿上裙子 模仿他的姑妈

put on a dress and impersonate his relative.

这出戏营造的搞笑氛围表明

The comedic atmosphere of the play suggests that

关于约会的老规矩已经开始过时了

the old rules around dating are firmly on their way out

并且大家认为已经有腐朽的霉臭味了

and are accepted as having some of the fustiness of a maiden aunt.

观众们也认为

The audience is meant to agree

只有在情侣两人不受干涉时

that dating is for the best

约会才能发挥最佳作用

when couples are left on their own to discover how they feel;

如果一切顺利 约会结束时 两人甚至可以接一次吻

there should even be a kiss at the end if things go swimmingly.

1914年 在英国伊斯特本

1914 Eastbourne England

年轻的乔治·奥威尔在学校惹上了麻烦

The young George Orwell gets into trouble at school when he is caught

因为他在读康普顿·麦肯齐所著的《年轻的邂逅》时被抓到了

reading Youth’s Encounter by Compton Mackenzie:

这是在英国出版的

the first novel published in England that

第一部描写青少年在无人监督的情况下约会的书籍

describes unsupervised adolescent dating.

我们开始逐步突破奇怪的纯洁亲吻

We’re starting to move beyond the odd chaste kiss:

约会也开始与性相关了

dating starts to be about sex as well.

1960年6月23日 美国华盛顿

June 23, 1960, Washington DC, USA

美国联邦食品和药物管理局批准发售了首个女性口服避孕药

The US Food and Drug Administration approves the firstoral female contraceptive pill.

现在有一种

The idea that

认为约会可以愉快地 自然地导向性行为的看法

a date can happily and uncomplicatedly lead to

而不仅是在情感上发展

sex becomes not only an emotional but now

还在实际上成为了可能

also a practical possibility.

1988年 在洛杉矶诞生的闪电约会

Los Angeles,1998 Speed dating is invented and the romantic

以及浪漫喜剧《电子情书》

comedy You’ve Got Mail

第一部以网上约会为主题的电影

– the first major film based around online dating – is released.

都鼓励了一种想法

Both encourage the idea

那就是在广泛的搜寻之后再选择一位合适的伴侣很重要

that it’s important to search very widely before selecting a possible partner.

到目前为止 现代约会定义下需要包含的元素终于都到位了

By now all the elements of moderndating are finally in place: firstly, parents

第一 父母无权干涉

have nothing to do with it; secondly,

第二 认为所有对金钱和社会地位的考虑

all considerations of money and social status

都“不浪漫” 无足轻重

are deemed ‘ un-Romantic’and unimportant; thirdly,

第三 你应该能在情感上迅速地被某人吸引

you are meant to be swiftly emotionally

这样才能保证从长远来看

drawn to someone in order

你俩的这段关系可以合法可行

for a relationship to be deemed legitimate and viable in the

第四

long term; fourthly,

性被理解为是了解一个人的核心环节

sex is interpreted as a central part of getting to know someone

最后 在你和现代约会情境中的典型角色

– and lastly, you’re meant to have a lot of dates

即你的“唯一” 修成正果之前

and possibly meet quite a few horrors on the way

应该先大量的约会 在这一过程中很可能会遇到几个渣男或渣女

before finally and happily settling down with that archetypal figure of the modern dating scene: The One.

2009年3月 位于比利时首都布鲁塞尔的欧盟公开了一份报告

March 2009 Brussels BelgiumThe European Union releases a report

报告显示 欧盟所有国家中50％的已婚人士

that reveals that 50 % of married couples in countries

会在结婚15年后离婚

across the union end up divorced after fifteen years.

报道引出了一个问题

the report quietly raises

到底情感本能是否能够

the question of whether instinct is really

比过去的那些老式的社会规矩

any better guide to a good conjugal life than

带来更好的婚姻生活

the old parental or societal rules used to be

同时也在暗示

– as well as hinting at

当两人在一起时产生的强烈的身心幸福感

how much more miserable we can end up being

被当做婚姻的唯一正当理据

when the sole justification for relationships is understood to be

我们最后会变得多么痛苦

the intense emotional and sexual happiness of the two participants.