Shame

I haven't been writing for such a long time. My Jianshu has lingered on at the half-undone article"the Little Ramen Restaurant", and the time stopped on May 24th, 2016, never updated any more. Afterwards, I tried to continue completing the article, but it never took into action. During that period of time, I have to prepare for the graduation dissertation, get an internship in hospital, hunt for the rent, deal with kinds of stuffs. All the excuses are that time is limited, I can't spare myself up. But Mrs Wang, the daughter of a famous doctor in Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, who has lived in America for many years, said to me, "don't say that again. Everybody has 24 hours a day, you just need to squeeze time." Everyone knows that, but one seldom does.

Suddenly I find that my ability is degenerating. Usually I express anything in English spontaneously, without the stage of translating Chinese into English, just like speaking a mother tongue. However, in recent days, it's hard to believe that I need to think in Chinese first, then translate the words into English. Simultaneously, the other comprehensive capabilities are fading gradually as well. Maybe that's because I have to cover myself, or the consequence of chatting, playing, joking, teasing or else.

I never care about the results at all. I don't want to be involved in the so-called "reserve talents" at all. I was reluctant to take part into the English contest. I even didn't prepare it until the competition day. What annoys me worst is that you could have done it better, but you didn’t. The competition hall is so hot an dry, I could hardly breathe and think during more than 2 hours' waiting in order. In the second part, the question I drew is "If you could travel in time machine, who dou you want to see most in the history, why?" Others said I had already answered smartly, but I know I didn't perform so well as expected. If I could really trave back, 30s for preparation is enough, I would like illustrate like this, "Thanks for the question. Well, when I read the question inmediately, many historical figures come into my mind, Nobel, Empress Wu Zetian, Marco Polo, President Kennedy, and so on. If I have to say one, I would say I want to see Chairman Mao most. You may think that's ridiculous and weird. Here are my reasons. First, Chairman Mao is indeed a greatest celebrity in the history. There is no doubt that he saved Chinese poeple from sufferings and led China to prosperity. Second, poeple worshiped him very much especially on our parents' and grandprarents' generation. My grandfather died of cancer before I was born. At that time, they couldn't afford to receive treatment to release the pain, what they aspired everyday was not suffering from hunger or poverty any more. I've never seen my grandparents, they are hard-working, kind-hearted. How much I wish I could see them and feel their strong love to us. If I could really travel in time machine, I would like to see Chairman Mao and fulfill my grandfather's wish. Then I would go to my gandfater and said to him, 'Oh, my dear grandpa, I have just seen our Chairman Mao, and expressed our appreciate and gratitude to him. I miss you very much.' Last, time machine just appear in fiction story, we don't own it in reality. Just as I said in the self-introduction, you never know what's going to be in life, just try hard for the goal, fight against the misfortune, and make a better life. Thank you very much."

I felt frustrated, annoyed, fretted, because I should have done better.

This shoud have been completed a month ago, but I still didn't.