Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML
跟几个朋友在一个露天游泳池裸泳，玩儿的特别开心，但是最最让人激动的是不知道谁在池子里拉了一坨屎，一群人大喊着从粪池子里往外跑。FML
Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML
离异对一个孩子的影响真的是太大了。我们部门现在连续换了三个老大了，然后我就开玩笑说我们像“后娘养的”，结果一同事突然就哭着跑出去了，后来一打听原来这个同事是个养子，真没想到会有影响这么大这么远，真心抱歉。FML
Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML
我弟弟跟我借刮胡刀，他说因为他现在正处在青春期所以想把毛剃了，我当时没多想，就给他了，然后一个多小时之后给我还回来，结果我发觉丫胡子根本就没刮啊，卧槽，你特么刮哪儿了。 FML
Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML
父母离异之后我跟的爸爸，现在我爸不许我喊他爸爸了，用我爸的原话就是“我现在是你后妈的孩子的爸爸，你叫着听起来怪怪的”。FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
史上最倒霉，下班的时候刚好赶上我们邻居家在开party，路被堵上了，没办法，我只能把车停在离我们家大约隔着6个门口的距离上，然后重点不在这里，停完车我顺便去参加了一下party，喝了两杯啤酒，大约不到20分钟他们就结束了，于是我打算把车开会车库，好吧，开了不到30步的距离，有个警察过来查酒驾。FML
Today, I drove from Seattle, WA to Vancouver, BC for the Three Days Grace concert. I was so excited when I found the building. There was a big readerboard that flashed "THREE DAYS GRACE" and I cheered. Then it flashed "CANCELLED." FML
Three Days Grace，简称TDG，3DG，中文译为为“三天的宽限”或“宽限三天”，是一支来自加拿大的另类金属乐队， 此为前提，从网上知道TDG在西雅图要开音乐会，于是我开了一天的车从华盛顿赶过去，当我看到演唱会的大楼前方一块硕大的电子屏幕上出现了"THREE DAYS GRACE"的时候，我兴奋的叫了起来，然后下一秒，屏幕切换出来了剩下的部分“CANCELLED(取消了)”。FML
Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML
刚搬了个新家，签了两年的合约（美国的合约很重要，毁约很严重），结果没几天住在我隔壁的一个姑娘疯狂的爱上了我（人长得帅就这点儿不好），现在这个姑娘每天就喜欢干两件事情，一件是威胁我的女朋友让我们分手，另一件就是疯狂的在我们门口唱Taylor的歌。 FML
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