I have a big finding in this holiday, that is I always blame myself seriously, beside that I try to satisfy others’ need with unconscious, and get the positive reflect as expectation.
If the result is not as my expectation, I will speak to me I am so bad and I mess up things all the time. I just can’t accept the result that is far away from my expectation.
When I try to cook based on recipes, when I try to handmade little thing, when I try to plan the holiday time, when I try to negotiate something with others, I just can’t endure the accident result, if the result is beyond my expectation, I feel so awesome that I think I can make everything best. But when the result is opposite, I feel so bad and horrible that I think I can’t do anything well, and I am not suitable for my current life.
Previously, I thought that is healthy case, because I enjoy the surprise and try to go away from the bad result.I keep this thinking mind for so many years, and I realize that I become the person who pursue perfection. It scared me to do more trial and error, when I should be more courageous, I choose to step back.
When the environment is negative, I may be the most pessimistic person. That is not what I want to do, I intend to love and enjoy my life, I don’t want to lose any time and chance also challenge.
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