I found that writing in English is one thing that I can express my blue in the public. I feel that those emotions being expressed in Chinese can be too Girls-schmaltzy, also using English to record my emotions can also practice my English.
It will be the last second time for me to attend the English test, what makes me feel funny is that my period is coming today. I don't know what the result is good or not, but I just to try it. if the result for the last time is bad, it might be my destiny. I can't go to that school.
why I said, what hurts me most is family, that due to the fact, now I am closed to find who I am, why I had become to me. I am not the person who is confident, almost in everything. the family atmosphere can be a reason. I can always feel the unbalance is existing in my family between me and my brother. I would say, I never feel the love, but I had to admit their behaviour to express love is different to what I thought.
almost 24 years passed, until now, I can know what is the social structure, know what I should do in my life. but, I would say some thoughts about my whole life have never been changed, that is the experience, just like the rhythm.
as the article said, need someone to embrace you, but not spoil into it. I can remember there is a man existing, although the truth is not what I have thought. I would still say thank you, give me an experience to me, to be honest, that period I can feel I become quite different than before, more confident, and can the feeling of love which might not be recognised the truth.
However, today, I feel quite depressed, I think those love, being love might the thing that I can hardly to obtain. So for my life, just fuck to stick it, everything is up to the air, just follow the wind, or be a dandelion.
hhhhh, I still have the mask to the public, maybe, I will become the person just like the portfolio photo in wangyiyun music, alone, and just embrace to the whole world. let those things, natural thing, the whole earth to be a company to me.
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