The Love Lab
How we communicate with our romantic partners can have a strong impact on the quality of our relationships. Psychologists John and Julie Gottman run the "Love Lab", where thousands of couples have been studied over the last 30 years. The purpose of their research is to determine the factors that lead to happy and unhappy relationships. From their data, they have concluded that contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling are the most significant factors that can hurt a marriage or relationship.
Among these, contempt is the biggest predictor of divorce. People who feel contempt for their partner often convey disapproval without addressing the issue. They sometimes label their partner with insulting words such as "lazy" "stupid" or "emotional", which is particularly damaging.
Many couples try to address issues by criticizing their partner's flaws or mistakes directly. Being too direct with criticism can hurt your partner's self-esteem. Some people may react to criticism by becoming defensive and focused on winning the argument, rather than on improving themselves. Others may react to criticism by stonewalling, where they refuse to acknowledge and respond to their partner for a period of time.
（Stonewalling to your partners can make them feel like they're undervalued.）
Unfortunately, fighting back or ignoring your partner can make it difficult to determine the root of your problems. If your partner feels that they aren't valued, it may lead to increased dissatisfaction with the relationship.
The Gottmans maintain that being aware of these factors in communication is the first step to improving a relationship. It is important to acknowledge that all relationships have issues. The goal shouldn't be to avoid these issues but to learn to resolve them. In particular, we should avoid communicating in ways that hurt our partner's self-esteem. It is better to discuss problems in a way that is less confrontational and can better help your partner sympathize with your perspective. For example, rather than saying "Why are you ignoring me? It's rude!" one could say "l feel hurt and undervalued when I don't get a response from you." By being conscious of how we communicate with our partner, we can begin to build a healthier relationship.
The Lost City of the Incas
Machu Picchu is one of the world's most impressive historical sites. It was built around 1450 by the Incas, who ruled most of South America at that time. They called themselves children of the Sun, the powerful god they worshipped as the source of light and life.
Located in the Andes Mountains of Peru, at 8,000 feet above sea level, the "City of the Incas" was mysteriously abandoned just 100 years after its construction. This was when the Spanish were beginning their conquest of the Inca Empire, in the 1530s. There is no evidence that the Spanish invaders ever attacked or even reached the mountaintop city, so many believe that the city's inhabitants deserted the site because of a smallpox epidemic.
The city was almost forgotten until 1911 when it was discovered by an American historian, Hiram Bingham after he heard rumors of its existence. Bingham was led to the site by local farmers and was amazed by what he saw, which seemed like an unbelievable dream. He wondered if anyone would believe what he had found. Though the surrounding jungle had overgrown the site, what remained was impressive. The city had been built on a remote and nearly inaccessible mountaintop, often shrouded in clouds. Forty rows of farming terraces hugged the steep mountainside, each over 10 feet high and linked together by over 3000 stone steps. Among the city were what appeared to be neighborhoods of homes and exquisite stone buildings that are thought to be temples. Even today, the mystery remains as to the purpose of these temples, how the city was used and what its citizens did.
Despite its remote location, Machu Picchu has become one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world. Every year, thousands of people travel to Peru to admire its magnificent stonework and breathtaking design. What they see is a wonderful harmony between the city and the landscape around it that is captivating.
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