两个完全陌生的人，只要通过相互问36个问题，就可以快速建立亲密关系。你相信吗？
这就是美国心理学家亚瑟·阿伦曾经做过一项研究，他设计出来一些问题，请参与者互相询问对方，来测试彼此关系的增进程度。这些问题具有持续性、不断深入性、双向性以及自我人格剖析的特点。实验证明，这些问题确实让参与者们明显感觉互相之间的亲密关系增强了。
后来，有人又组织陌生单身男女一起，用这36个问题，测试两个陌生人是不是可以迅速地爱上对方。
活动结果显示，效果惊人。美国的一位专栏作者参加了这个活动，亲历了两个陌生人轮流问对方36个问题，随着问题越来越私人化，两个人四目相对，一言不发地对视了4分钟--结局是两个人相爱了！
你是不是很急切的想要知道这36个问题呢？不要急，后面会有详细的中英对照版。
亚瑟·阿伦的36个问题背后的心理学原理也很经典：自我暴露理论。
跟一个人的关系从陌生到亲密，是从建立“共情”开始的，简言之，就是能够从对方的角度看到并理解这个世界，共情能让彼此产生信任，如果你确信对方理解你你也能理解对方的心声，自然会有一种“知己”的感觉。
而日常生活中，我们是很难有这样的机会来表达和暴露这些问题的。
通过这些问题中大量的引导表达观点和表达感受，从而引导两个人更高效的自我暴露，达成亲密关系。不过在日常生活中，我们很难信任一个陌生人而去和对方沟通这36个问题。
所以这个问题也是有个前提条件的。如果彼此都不认真回答问题，那么也很难充分暴露彼此，就更谈不上亲密关系了。
下面附上详细的问题清单。
亚瑟阿伦的三十六个问题
1. 如果你能在全世界任选一个人和你共进晚餐，你会选谁？
2. 你想出名吗？在哪一方面？
3. 打电话前，你会预演你即将要说的话吗？为什么？
4. 对你来说，“完美”的一天是什么样的？
5.上一次一个人唱歌是什么时候？和别人一起是什么时候？
6. 如果你能够活到90岁，并且你可以选择让你的心智或身体在后60年一直停留在30岁，你会选择哪个？
7. 关于未来你会怎么离开这个世界，你有自己的预感吗？
8. 说出3个你和对方共同拥有的特征。
9. 你人生中最感恩的事情是什么？
10. 如果你可以改变自己的成长过程中的任何事，你希望有哪些改变？
11. 用4分钟尽可能详细地告诉对方你的人生故事。
12. 如果明天醒来你可以获得一个特质或一种能力，你希望是什么？
13. 如果有颗水晶球能向你揭示关于你自己、你的生活、你的未来，或是其他任何事情的真相，你想知道些什么？
14. 你有没有一直梦想要做的事情？为什么没有做呢?
15. 你人生中最大的成就是什么？
16. 一段友情中，你最重视哪一个部分？
17. 你最珍贵的一段回忆是什么？
18. 记忆中最可怕的事情是什么？
19. 如果你知道一年后你会突然离世，你会改变现在的生活方式吗？为什么？
20. 朋友对你来说意味着什么？
21. 恋爱和感情在你的生活中扮演着什么样的角色？
22. 逐个列出对方好的一面，共列举5个。
23. 你的家庭成员彼此亲密吗？氛围温馨吗？你觉得你的童年比大部分人都开心吗？
24. 你和母亲的关系如何？
25. 用“我们”组3个基于现有场景的句子，比如，我们现在都在这个房间里……
26. 把这个句子补充完整：“我希望有个人能跟我分享……”
27. 如果你想和对方成为亲密的朋友，有什么事情是需要TA知道的。
28. 告诉对方你喜欢TA的什么地方，这一次你要非常诚恳，说一些你平常不会跟刚认识的人说的话。
29. 和对方分享人生中最尴尬的时刻。
30. 上一次你在他人面前哭是什么时候？
31. 告诉对方你已经喜欢TA很久了。
32. 有没有什么事情是绝对不能开玩笑的？
33. 假如你今晚会离世，并且没有机会跟任何人交流，你最后悔没有对谁吐露心声？为什么到现在还没有对这个人说出想说的话？
34. 你的房子着火了，所有的财产都在里面。救出了亲人和宠物之后，如果你还有时间最后努力一次，并且安全地挽救任何一件物品，你会选择什么？为什么？
35. 如果有家庭成员去世，你认为谁的离开对你的打击最大？为什么？
36. 分享一个你的个人问题并询问对方的处理意见，同时也请对方告诉你，在TA看来你对这个问题的感受是什么。
附：亚瑟·阿伦的三十六个问题英文原版
The 36 questions which can make anyone fall in love with you:
Set One
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set Two
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set Three
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
The last, terrifying, element of this experiment requires the two participants to stare into each other's eyes for four minutes.
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