Dairies

23/9/2023 (3.00 am to 3.52)

Has been for so long, since the case happened, I felt black deep in my heart; I felt I cried many times; I wanted to forget the past so I can start new life or return to work force; unfortunately I never knew what is mental illness and how does it looks like —— I woke up at around 3 am; my mind immediately flashed the pictures in the past—— I don”t want to have this; I recalled the past; each big instances that occurred in the office; I felt headache already ; I don’t want this, I want to go back to sleep;

1. Boris blamed me “ made other employees” cry, wanted to resign —— no, I don’t recall this; in fact , there were only a few employees in the office: Admin Sanju; she has been working in the office for at least 5 years , she is the No.1 Boris looked after, after the 24 June 2022 case; I have tried to be very polite to her; I invited her for lunch and bought her a few times coffee; Practice Manager Shayne: we both got along with each other very well; Peter: Boris nephew: we talked to each other very well, we didn’t have issue with him at all, in fact he explained to me once before that Sanju didn’t talk improperly to me when she came to me desk; she raised her voice “ don’t touch the phone”—— I was embarrassed but I kept silent ; Senior head accountant James: he had very good personality, very flexible; I got along with him very well; Alex: she walked from home: we didn’t talk to each other often but we both were very polite to each other ; the 60 yr old lady Christine: as she is old and also she is Chinese, she started working in Mar 23 and she wanted the job very much ; I guess she wouldnt cry and want to resign; plus I stopped talking to her after she shouted to me in May or jun 23;

By recalling all the things; I defended myself on this point ; I think Boris made story on this point; I have thought very carefully why Boris shout to me each time when his moods wasn’t good—— because I am the only one he felt he can shout; can he shout to other staff above? No.

2. The fact is that Boris didn’t stay in the office all the time, and plus my personality, I thought I could help each other and created a nice environment in the office, and make the environment more enjoyable,  I bought Christmas gift for each everyone in the office on Dec 2021; I didn’t drink coffee very often but I normally bought coffee for everyone eg once in a few weeks—— another person did this is Peter; I think I have bought quite some times coffee for all the staff in the office

3. When Boris shouted to me, why I want to defend myself and shout to him—- because he used F word—— I hate male use F word to women especially me—- I told Boris in the office please don’t use F word in public as we were women( I mean for both Sanju and me, Christine came later)

4. I better not recall the past ; I need to do sth to go back to sleep; it’s 3.52am now