父望子成龙
A Father obsessed with Son’s Success
原创：斧子 中译英：二当家
在我的心目中，儿子要培养成能文能武的天才，会读书，会打架，一看就是一身健壮肌肉的猛男，再一接触，能给人彬彬有礼、谈吐斯文的谦谦君子映象。
儿子已经是初中生了，小身板看起来弱不禁风。个子比我老婆还要高一点点，细胳膊细腿，总让我怀疑他一旦遭遇到小流氓、小痞子的骚扰，就会兵败如山倒，一触即溃。特别是小小的年纪，就在脸上罩了一副五、六百度的近视眼镜，远远一看，就是个东亚病夫的样子。
My son has already been a junior high school student, but his small body looks weak. He is a little taller than my wife, and his thin arms and legs always make me suspect that he will be thoroughly defeated if he is harassed by a little rascal or a little bitch. In particular, at a young age, a pair of myopic glasses near six hundred degrees were put on the face. From a distance, it is the appearance of a sick man in East Asia.
在我的心目中，儿子要培养成能文能武的天才，会读书，会打架，一看就是一身健壮肌肉的猛男，再一接触，能给人彬彬有礼、谈吐斯文的谦谦君子映象。这是一个美好的设想，可是，从来就没有受到过家人的赞许。
In my mind, my son should be a talent, not only good at learning but also skilled in fighting.He should exercise a shape full of strong muscles, but meanwhile, behaving like a courteous gentleman. This is a good idea, but it has never been praised by my family.
儿子两岁多的时候，我就把他送到衡东县武校。李校长是我的兄弟，二话没说，就收下了。谁知道儿子只在衡东呆了几个月，就被我老娘霸蛮抢了回来。
When my son was more than two years old, I sent him to the martial school in Hengdong county. Principal Li is my brother, and he accepted my son without saying anything. What I didn’t expect was that my son only stayed in Hengdong for a few months, and was robbed back by my mother.
几个女儿都挨过我老娘的揍。有时候就在我耳朵边嘀咕：奶奶如何如何不疼她们，喜欢虐待她们。我很窝火。听了几次，就发了一次猛火，大声喝骂：“奶奶辛辛苦苦带你们长大，你们不听话，打几下就是应该的。俗话说：棍棒底下出孝子嘛。想当年你们老爸我年小的时候，奶奶拿竹枝条抽，拿羊角刺打。打一次，身上不是青就是紫，见血都是很常见的事。你们敢说奶奶就不疼你们老爸了？奶奶用手拍打你们几下屁股，最多就是一个嘴巴，那是轻多了，根本就不能跟我比的。凭着打几下，长大了就不记得奶奶的好了，就想说奶奶的是非了。你们都有良心没？”
Several daughters have ever been beaten by my mother. Sometimes they would whisper in your ear: grandma didn't love them and liked to abuse them. Every time I heard this I would be very angry. After listening to it a few times, I made a fierce fire and shouted loudly: “grandma has been working hard to raise you up, you are not obedient, it is right to lash you a few times. As the saying goes: spare the rod and spoil the child. When I was young, your grandmother beat me with bamboo sticks and pricked me with the horns. Once I suffered the hit, bruising and blooding was inevitable. Dare you say that your grandma doesn’t love your dad? What your grandma have done to you is only beating on the ass with her hand, which is much lighter than what I have suffered. Just because of a few beats, you forget grandma's good, and say vicious things about her. Where is your conscience? ”
女儿们被我的话震住了，个个都闭上了嘴巴。
The daughters were shocked by my words and they all closed their mouths.
但是，从小就很倔强的女儿林林根本就不服。过了一阵，她很大声反驳我：“但是，奶奶打过你儿子没？凭什么从不打他？”其他几个女儿终于找到了理由，纷纷说：“是啊！是啊！”
However, Linlin, a very stubborn daughter, was not convinced at all. After a while, she retorted with a loud voice, " but did grandma hit your son? Why didn't she hit him?" The other girls finally found the reason and said, "yeah! Yeah!"
这个......这个......我无话可说。
This... this... I have nothing to say.
的确，自从我儿子出生，我老娘最多就是威胁、恐吓他，从来没有动过手打他，更不要说用竹枝条和羊角刺抽。即使这样，儿子最怕的一个人，还是他奶奶。
Indeed, since my son was born, the harshest thing my aging mother has done was threatening and intimidating him. She never smacked him, not to mention with bamboo sticks and horns. Even so, the one my son most afraid of is his grandmother.
我是瞒着老娘老爸，把儿子送到衡东县武校去的。我的养成计划是：等儿子七岁要开始读小学了，再接回到身边自己培养。否则，当着他爷爷奶奶的面，我不好下狠手训练他。真正的武术，从来就是个很残酷的运动，不是男人就不要沾。我虽然不是大师级别的武功高手，但是当年我也凭着三招两式闯荡过江湖的。所以，我可以很骄傲地宣布：武术，我也懂！
I sent my son to martial school in Hengdong county without telling his grandparents. I was determined not to take my son back until he started primary school at the age of seven. Otherwise, in front of his grandparents, I couldn't give him a hard time to accept training. The real martial arts has always been a very cruel sport, and don't touch it if you are not a man. Although I am not a master level martial arts master, I at least have gone through the world with several martial arts moves. So, I can proudly announce that: martial arts, I know!
我老娘一看小孙子不见了，三天两头追着我的屁股问，问儿子到哪里去了。我是坚决不肯告诉她。老娘被逼急了，就调转方向，天天追着我老婆的屁股问，小孙子到哪里去了。老娘可不是一般人，心狠手辣，对我老婆那是什么话都敢讲，什么事都敢做的。我老婆虽然号称女强人，也是个泼辣的湘妹子，在外面从来不怯火，是个天不怕地不怕的辣椒婆，但她知道我的性格，历来就很孝顺，根本就不敢跟我老娘硬碰硬。否则，我会发彪的。
As little grandson was out of sight，my aging mother chased after me for three days and asked where my son went. I was determined not to tell her. Therefore, she was forced to turn around and chase after my wife's ass every day and asked where the little grandson was. My mother is not an ordinary person. She dares to say anything to my wife and do anything. Although my wife claims to be a strong woman. As a shrewish girl from Hunan, she never gets cold feet outside. But she knows my character and has always been very filial, and she doesn't dare to be hard on my mother. Otherwise, I will be very angry
逼得无路可退，老婆就招了供，说出了儿子的去向。
Finally，there was nothing my wife could do except confess and tell the old lady where her son was.
我还蒙在鼓里的时候，老娘就气势汹汹杀到了衡东，找到衡东武校，骗李校长说爷爷要过生，要带着孙子回家喝喜酒。李校长还在和我通电话，话都还没说完，老娘就抱着我儿子跑了。从此以后，她守着我儿子，生怕一不小心，又被我送到什么鬼地方去练武了。我精心设计的培养大业，就坏在了我老娘的手里。
When I knew nothing about it, my mother stormed to Hengdong county, found the martial school, and lied to principal Li that my son's grandfather was going to have a birthday, and needed to take him home for celebration. Principal Li was still on the phone with me, and my mother ran away with my son before I finished talking. From then on, she kept my son and was afraid of being careless, and her grandson would be sent to practice martial arts by me somewhere else. Thus, my well-designed training plan was ruined by my mother.
现在，儿子已经读初中了，再也不能放任不管，由着老娘糟蹋他的青春。我决定，将他送进家旁边的骑士健身会馆里去，好好修理他一番。
Now my son is in junior high school, and I can no longer let his youth be ruined by his grandma. I decide to take him to the Knight gym next to home and fix him up.
斧子简介：
斧子，衡阳本土著名作家，湖南省作家协会会员，中国人民公安大学研究生，红网小说版特约评论员，出版发行著作有：散文诗集《等你归来》、《欠债校长》，中短篇小说集《月下天鹅和祝塘的绝版爱情》、《财哥的第一次婚姻》、《隐身保镖》等。
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