I get used to wake up at middle night, take pee, go back to bed but barely can fall asleep again. Everything in the middle night is so clear, I can see the weak light of the snow out of the window, the humidifier is getting old, overworking is tearing it down-the steaming noise gets bigger, Sisi giggles in her dream, I smile for that; Lele pees on his bed again, he insists that is just sweating. I put new PJ on him, ask him to sleep on my bed. My nights are usually very long, long enough to make me tired of waiting.
I didn’t know I would spend tons of nights like now, I used to sleep tight at night like a baby back years ago, that time my Dad was there to take care of me, I knew he would do anything to cover me up. We had very close time when my mother and my brother were away, we talked like father and daughter, but also like friends. He didn’t listen to anybody very much but he kind of took my suggestions very much. We never said to each other I love you but indeed in our heart we felt that way.
I was pretty proud of myself that I saved my father s life about five years ago. I was terrified that he would die when the doctor told me he might get clone cancer. I cried badly in one corner of the hospital, tried to low my voice so nobody paid attention to me. He was back, I was so glad!
When I was a little girl, al I remember was my mother s meanness, I was badly frustrated and also very negative, I thought about suicide when I was very little. My father was very busy to support our family, we didn’t have much time to be very close until my mother abandoned us. Sorry, but I had to say, thanks to my mother, my father took her place to take good care of me. Inside out I was getting much better.
I miss you Dad, I will have a busy day and your night is falling. Light night Dad!
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