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《正面管教》读后感(二):Positive Discipline

《正面管教》读后感(二):Positive Discipline

作者: 育儿知识搬运工 | 来源:发表于2018-12-31 15:24 被阅读8次

为方便家长们学到最原汁原味的正面管教知识,我从国外找来一些正面管教资料。以下为正面管教英文站的译文(注:本人英文水平有限,以下内容是谷歌在线直译得来的,欢迎英语水平好的家长校正,我只是知识里的搬运工),更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。

1.说到“积极的暂停”,很多大人都很难接受将“暂停”作为一个积极体验的想法。他们错误地认为这是对孩子不良行为的“奖赏”。然而,当他们真正理解惩罚和“爬行动物脑”所造成的长期效果时,他们就能看到:“积极的暂停”的好处。

1. When it comes to "positive pause", many adults find it difficult to accept the idea of "pause" as a positive experience. They mistakenly regard it as a "reward" for their children's bad behavior. However, when they really understand the long-term effects of punishment and reptile brains, they can see the benefits of "positive pause".

2.许多人意识不到,以自己孩童时代所做出的决定为基础形成的性格,此时正在影响着自己的孩子。

2. Many people do not realize that personality based on decisions made in their childhood is affecting their children.

3.下面的做法会对孩子造成多么大的伤害:替孩子做本该他们自己做的事、对孩子过度保护、给孩子买太多东西、包揽孩子遇到的困难、不花足够的时间陪孩子、替孩子做作业、对孩子唠叨、发号施令,以及对孩子高声叫嚷,然后又赶快解救。

3. How harmful are the following practices to children: doing what they should do for their children, over-protecting them, buying too many things for them, taking care of the difficulties they encounter, not spending enough time with them, doing homework for them, nagging them, giving orders, shouting at them, and then rescuing them quickly?

4.健康的自尊,是孩子培养出“我能行”的信念的基础。当父母对孩子做出上述任何行为时,孩子就不会培养出这种信念。当孩子们总是有别人告诉他们去做什么,而没有自己受尊重地参与解决问题的体验,从而练习父母希望他们拥有的技能时,他们就无法发展那些有助于感到自己能行的技能。

4. Healthy self-esteem is the basis for children to develop the belief that "I can do". When parents do any of these things to their children, they will not develop this belief. When children are always told what to do without their respectful experience of participating in problem solving to practice the skills their parents want them to possess, they are unable to develop those skills that help them feel capable.

5.当我们能以尊重和尊严对待孩子,并教给孩子为了形成好品格而应该掌握的有价值的人生技能时,他们就会在世界上传播和平。

5. When we treat our children with respect and dignity and teach them valuable life skills that they should acquire in order to form good character, they will spread peace in the world.

6.过于和善而不坚定可能会变成骄纵孩子,过于坚定而不和善则可能变成过度严厉。

6. Being too kind and unswerving may turn into arrogant children, while being too firm and unswerving may turn into excessive severity.

7.成为一个有能力的人所必须的七项重要的感知力和技能:(1)对个人能力的感知力——“我能行。”(2)对自己在重要关系中的价值的感知力——“我的贡献有价值,大家确实需要我。”(3)对自己在生活中的力量或影响的感知力——“我能够影响发生在自己身上的事情。”(4)内省能力强:有能力理解个人的情绪,并能利用这种理解做到自律以及自我控制。(5)人际沟通能力强:善于与他人合作,并在沟通、协作、协商、分享、共情和倾听的基础上建立友谊。(6)整体把握能力强:以有责任感、适应力、灵活性和正直的态度来对待日常生活中的各种限制以及行为后果。(7)判断能力强:运用智慧,根据事宜的价值观来评估局面。孩子的大多数不良行为正是源于上述“七项重要的感知力和技能”的缺乏。

7. Seven important perceptions and skills necessary to be a competent person: (1) Perception of personal abilities - "I can do it." (2) Perception of one's own value in an important relationship - "My contribution is valuable, and you really need me." (3) Perception of one's own power or influence in life - "I can influence what happens to me." (4) Introspective ability: the ability to understand personal emotions, and to use this understanding to achieve self-discipline and self-control. (5) Strong interpersonal communication skills: good at cooperating with others and building friendship on the basis of communication, cooperation, consultation, sharing, empathy and listening. (6) Strong overall grasp ability: with a sense of responsibility, adaptability, flexibility and integrity to deal with various constraints in daily life and the consequences of behavior. (7) Strong judgment ability: use wisdom to assess the situation according to the value of the matter. Most of the children's bad behavior is due to the lack of the above seven important perceptions and skills.

8.正面管教以相互尊重与合作为基础。正面管教把和善与坚定融合为一体,并以此为基石,在孩子自我控制的基础上,培养孩子的各项人生能力。

8. Positive discipline is based on mutual respect and cooperation. Positive discipline integrates kindness and firmness as a whole, and takes them as the cornerstone to cultivate children's various life abilities on the basis of their self-control.

9.有效管教的4个标准:(1)是否和善与坚定并行?(对孩子尊重和鼓励)(2)是否有助于孩子感受到归属感和价值感?(心灵纽带)(3)是否长期有效?(惩罚在短期有效,但有长期的负面效果)(4)是否能交给孩子有价值的社会技能和人生技能,培养孩子的良好品格?(尊重他人、关心他人、善于解决问题、敢于承担责任、乐于贡献、愿意合作)

9. Four criteria for effective discipline: (1) Does kindness and firmness go hand in hand? (Respect and encouragement for children) (2) Does it help children feel a sense of belonging and value? (Psychic ties) (3) Are they long-term effective? (Punishment is effective in the short term, but has long-term negative effects). (4) Can we give our children valuable social skills and life skills to cultivate their good character? (Respect, care, problem solving, responsibility, contribution and cooperation)

10.“和善”的重要性在于表达我们对孩子的尊重。“坚定”的重要性,则在于尊重我们自己,尊重情形的需要。

10. The importance of "kindness" lies in expressing our respect for our children. The importance of firmness lies in respecting ourselves and the needs of the situation.

11.我们假设孩子跟你顶嘴。“和善而坚定”的一种处理方式是你走开,到另一间屋里去。走开就是你以尊重的态度对待你自己;而且,这样做也给孩子树立了一个最好的榜样。你总可以在稍后再找孩子谈,这样每个人都有机会让情绪平静下来。心情好了,才能把事情做好。......值得强调的是,太多的父母认为在生气时就要解决问题。其实,这是最不适合解决问题的时候。

11. Let's assume that the child talks back to you. One way to deal with "kindness and firmness" is to walk away and go to another room. Walking away is when you treat yourself with respect, and it sets the best example for your child. You can always talk to your child later, so that everyone has a chance to calm down. Only when you are in a good mood can you do a good job. ... It's worth emphasizing that too many parents think they need to solve problems when they are angry. In fact, this is the most unsuitable time to solve the problem.

12.正面管教工具:(1)废除惩罚;(2)废除骄纵;(3)和善而坚定;(4)给孩子培养“七项重要的感知力和技能”的机会;(5)当心是什么在起作用(惩罚带来长期负面的效果);(6)放弃荒诞的观念——“若想让孩子做得好就要让他感觉糟”;(7)让孩子参与到设立限制中来;(8)问启发式的问题;(9)使用和善而坚定的话语。

12. Positive discipline tools: (1) Abolish punishment; (2) Abolish arrogance; (3) Be kind and firm; (4) Give children the opportunity to develop seven important perceptions and skills; (5) Be careful what works (punishment brings long-term negative effects); (6) Abandon the absurd idea that if you want your child to do well, you must make him feel bad; (7) Let him participate. With the establishment of restrictions; (8) asking heuristic questions; (9) using friendly and firm words.

13.我相信,如果我们认为自己能够给予孩子自尊,实际上就是对孩子的一种伤害。一场“给孩子自尊”的运动延续至今,内容包括赞扬、快乐小贴纸、笑脸以及让孩子做“今天最重要的人”。这些都可以是好玩儿而无害的,只要孩子不认为自己的自尊取决于外在的他人的评价。如果出现这种情况,孩子可能就会变成“讨好者”或“总是寻求别人的认可”。他们就学会了观察别人的反应来判断自己行为的对错,而不是学会自我评价与内省。他们培养出来的是“他尊”,而不是“自尊”。......我们能为孩子做的最有益的事情,就是教孩子学

13. I believe that if we think we can give our children self-esteem, it is actually a kind of harm to their children. A campaign to "give children self-esteem" has continued to this day, including praise, happy stickers, smiling faces and making children "the most important person today". These can be fun and harmless, as long as the child does not think that his self-esteem depends on the evaluation of others outside. If this happens, the child may become a "flatterer" or "always seeking approval from others". Instead of self-evaluation and introspection, they learn to observe other people's reactions to judge their own behavior. They cultivate "self-esteem" rather than "self-esteem". ... The most beneficial thing we can do for our children is to teach them how to learn.

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