坚强仿佛是漫长的筑堤的过程，悲伤却总会随时溢出，就像所有的理性在一瞬间崩塌，只剩下一滩烂泥一样的一个人。如此反复，没人知道什么时候是尽头，或许时间是答案。
在最美好的年华遇到你，在最艰难的时候你选择离去，怨过，恨过，挽留过，挣扎过，只能看得见你远去的背影和一遍遍回响的随时让我痛彻心扉的话。我真的算是不曾失去过，一遍遍告诉你你有多重要，也一遍遍让自己遍体鳞伤，一遍遍告诉自己不可能，又随时反复。我想我已经卑微到尘埃里。你冷漠的只言片语和又冷又硬的心，时时刻刻让我的心在流血。我没法坚强了。
我有无数的话告诉自己宽慰自己，但始终不能接受你已远去，你已经不再会心疼我不再会在意我。我曾经这世上最亲的人，就这样远去了，不给我留一点点念想。你说我虽然心好但是搞砸了所有的事情，你有说不尽的怨我的话，我对你的爱真的在你那里一文不值了。过去的将近十年的时光，你真的不想要了。你看不到我的任何好，你已不再留恋。
时间或许是答案，也是最冷的刀子，在我的身上所有的地方深深的割着，不分昼夜。我像是被你判了死刑的犯人，只能无助的哭，愚蠢的哭，因为我用尽所有也换不来一点点安慰了。过去几年我的傲气和任性让我付出了所有的代价，痛彻心扉54天后，似乎永远看不到尽头。因为我依然爱你，因为我会永远爱你，在你用尽所有方法伤害我之后，我依然这么说。
周围有人的时候我还可以强忍着，一个人静下来会整个人突然崩溃大哭。上帝答应我让我幸福，也随时给我无法承受的痛击。当你说性格不合行为方式差异的时候，我始终坚持爱是恒久忍耐。当你带着别的女人出去的时候，我的心一遍遍碎掉也要坚持告诉自己这只是魔鬼的无聊游戏，我们才是最终会相伴一生的，尽管你已不再心疼我不再爱我不再看得到我。
你可以忘记我放下我，我却始终做不到，这么久都做不到，不知道什么时候可以做得到，真的不知道。
毕业还有两个月，论文还有一两周，爸妈时时刻刻在为我难过和担心。年迈体弱的父亲凌晨打电话说要来美国陪我。我需要坚强，我需要心理医生，我需要不是常人能给的引导。
太多时候我真的无法支撑，所以我求Joan 帮我祷告，她今天上午给我发了这封邮件，我的眼泪在我没读完的时候又失去了控制。我不知道我是否真的能忘记你，但我会纪念这段难得的时光。
Dear Carina,
Sometimes things pile up and we feel like we are suffocating and so helpless to help ourselves. Everyone has been there - some struggle trying to overcome difficulties by themselves. It may help for the moment, but it is not a cure. It is times like this you need someone to do what you can not do no matter how intelligent you are.
God says this "Trust in the Lord. lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path" Proverbs 3:5-6
It is difficult to turn things over to someone else - Jesus, but we must humble ourselves, and understand we need help and allow Him to lead us to His perfect plan for us. As a result, we find a peace unlike the world's peace, and we can face anything through His power. Norm and I will gladly continue to pray for you. We love you, and we know that you are created and loved unconditionally by God.
My prayer for you this morning:
Dear heavenly Father, Thank you for Carina, thank you for placing her in our pathway and giving us the opportunity to get to know her and love her. She needs help and support right now, her plate is overflowing with things to do before graduation. She has concerns that perhaps keeps her from focusing on priorities for graduation. She has worked so hard to reach this point - thank you for giving her the abilities to learn such advanced knowledge. I pray you will provide opportunities for her to apply what she has learned in a positive environment. I pray for her husband and his studies and that when Carina graduates they may be close together so they can support and encourage each other. I pray you, Lord, would remove anything.that prevents Carina from focusing on things that are most important at this time. Give her your joy, your peace, your wisdom in the days ahead as she looks forward to what marvelous things you have in store for her - when she trusts in you with all her heart. Thank you Lord for hearing and answering this prayer.
Love you!
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