2020-02-25
很多事情都是慢慢figure out，如果我拿不到护照，那就是报应！
花了1.30小时联系VFS，UK visa，现在知道withdraw啦，都是自己惹的祸，我在想如果不是感觉那么聪明，在HIll club申请visa，花了500美金，又雇了车11000rp去了一趟，如果真的就是看情况而定，我也就不会申请bloody UK visa，闲着没事去那干嘛，有病！都是经验教训，还是要面对，然后move on！
好在figure out情况，bloody vFS就是不接电话，然后mobitel充值500rp，还是打不了电话，就知道如果data充值，至少上课没问题。
今天就是备课呗，除此以外我所在villa超级棒，晨起瑜伽在一个lifted platform，应该是是一个beach bar，感觉非常不同，海浪几乎是太大声音，vipa时候感受希望他能够静下来，会去rock area游泳，that is it！
刚从Rock pool游泳回来，现在little pumpkin吃饭，终于喝到好的coconut cafe，风吹的如同狂野的女人，amazing experience是坐在rock 中间，三面海水涌向我，犹如天然jacuzzi，就是巨大的动力，把自己扇的转来转去，美丽绝伦的狂野浪花，有的高如1米，砸向rock，捡起水浪汹涌后平缓，没几个人在水里，我学会观察浪潮，和每个男人都应该学会一些知识，我看到tide右侧平缓，有一条线路可以游泳，jacuzzi一阵子开始右侧游向一个男人水里，时隐时现，海潮还是汹涌，但随着起伏并不困难，为啥J认为我vibe不一样，不肯和他深处游泳，因为他太要炫耀自己，一个猛子扎向水里，完全不管我，犹如Sharathi要求catch后弯脚腕，我自己身体，打死我也不会冒险，生命现在比之前珍惜，也不会海里任意冒险，很多人认为我take risk，都是可控的，犹如kayak和涨潮海滩hiking，有risk，但不是stupid risk！
其实sri lanka如果作为一个退休的地方不见得不可能，我难得遇见一个地方可以想象这个可能，开一个yoga retreat center，有些事情喜欢做，写小说，教课，因为佛教国家，天气和地理diversity喜欢，人也淳朴，大多数啦。是否投资？还是guest house就OK，也许想法会改变，但不无可能性，古巴也想过，但文化不同，佛教影响还是感同身受。就是beach能够游泳才好，somehow这附近都不合适，unawatuna很商业化，我也是被虫子jellyfish咬的很严重，起码可以游泳吧，还有Japanese pagoda！
关于众筹各种question，我也是耐心十足，人生各种考验，都还ok。现在考验就是护照要按时拿回来！
几乎要换到blue horizon hotel，之前那里停留过，位置正好rock上面，离kayak很近，我还需要回去kayak，也许今天或者明天，但想到自己真的是为了change而change，还是孤独的IBIS很棒，我有自己坐骑space，可以vipa和瑜伽，留下了！
看到virus还是分外严重，估计我UK visa也是因此延误，withdraw ok啦。No hard feelings.
2.30开始kayak，迷水啦，折腾一个小时，4.15上岸，发现lagoon不是自己认为的lagoon，一直认为地图不对，其实自己不对，I am done with kayak, this can last a few years, always trouble, out of trouble, my right hand thumb is hurting it is from yesterday kayak fight with tides, today same, saw bird with long neck stretching out of sea, so cool. thought it is snake it is not. saw 娃娃鱼, like a small crocodile, they are afraid of people so not getting closer. 筋疲力尽回来工作，吃着nuts在hut，接到午餐碰到法国体育老师邀请一起晚餐，犹豫一下，虽然他看起来面相不善良，口音和俄罗斯，问我很多问题，提到自己儿子英语很好，问我做啥等等，我还是答应6.30去lounge一坐，完成raja yoga第一章，多年后重新看，都是expereince才会分享。决定完成case ideo。结果分心了，去荡秋千，酒店帮忙的BAlE主动给我照相，建议我开中餐厅和酒店，可以当地做生意，算了一下，每年可以赚1百万rp，就是5万人民币，爱吗，算了吧，费事，但夕阳下确实美丽的海岸线让人着迷，是一个可以退休多呆一段时间的地方，或者写作的地方，就是要有些事情做。
hypocrite 是J描述他呆的Jayshrey bahamain家族特色，但如此评价他人其实是自己真实写照，口口声声yoga，自己做的都是相反的事情和出发点，就是hypocrite伪君子。
the day when we leave for other villages, J said: today it is shivaratri, just observe to see how I take the lead for taxi.
L: all my dreams coming true after practicing years of dharma, pls lead me
J to receptionist: Sir how much to village dikwella
R: 800RP
L said to me: well the problem is I do not know how much exactly they might work together with taxi driver
L： I know exactly it should be 400, we can pay 500 to add some extra but not 800, they charge us double
we came out J asked driver how much they said 900 can lower to 800, I said let us go outside and pretend to leave. J said to driver head: Sir what is your name
Driver: Why
J: just want to address u properly and u see she is tough chinese woman I am ok with 800, no walk outside for me.
I was a bit annoyed by what he said ok, there is no way we can negotiate and he does not want to walk with me so I compromised to say: let us go.
on the way J said: we are in such hotel to pay for premium people expect us to pay for more.
L：sure, we save time, but we have to be careful not spoil the local price we do not want to be over charged so they charge other tourists same way, we can negotiate do not want to be seen stupid.
j： u like negotiation do u do that all the time in your work.
L: for work u do it everyday but I do not like it, it is just what should be done, I am said to be too nice as a business woman in China.
..............................................
There are twice apologizing for over reaction before this:
on bed J came over to me: I am sorry to make u uncomfortable, u invite me for retreat then I am making u feel uncomfortable
L: no no, I am saying since I made decision to be with u, I can make compromise.
then on other day: I am not your servant u are not CEO here. again apologizing:
I am sorry I should have said it in a more nicer way or proper context.
I can see this pattern, who is this wrong red shoe girl is picking up for the reason of disparity, knowing it is not right but since it feels pretty and try to cover it up by all these sorry apologizing and sex then going with it but pain in the long run, I recognize the reality and make it a stop. knowing I was abbesses with the fact that looking fit with each other is so much attractive for me that I tend to believe all is going to work.
There are many signs about the nature which I try to talk myself out of it from positive way.
I attract all kinds of people but I tend to attached to the wrong man! body fitness is not equal to mind fitness, particularly the kindness of heart!
enough self reflection, move on.
..............
看完美丽夕阳，换了衣服去了lounge，氛围真的适合sauvignon blanc，我在摇椅上摇啊摇，lady manager不是很nice 也OK，juice非常rich，结果法国体育老师说不确定我们关系，留在guesthouse晚餐，我call，直接删了，bale不停问我晚上干什么，估计我的荷尔蒙很强烈，吸引一群形形色色神经病，这个时候非常不适合jump to another affair，我告诫自己，结果摇椅晃得我恶心，回去躺椅里听“与狼共舞”，非常应景！
一夜睡眠很轻，估计和吃的过多有关系，今天谨记！
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