Goals are like butterflies. If you chase them, you will hardly catch up with them. However if you grow lots of flowers, butterflies will fly over by themselves. But life isn't all romantic like growing flowers.
In a cold winter night I went to bed earlier than my husband, but I couldn’t fall asleep as I worried he would interrupt my sleep by bringing cold air into my warm bed. After he went to bed, I still couldn’t fall asleep. What would you do in such situation? I got angry. I kicked him off the bed and shouted:“ why don’t you go to bed earlier, you ruined my sleep.” He replied innocently: “I did nothing wrong today. Just because I went to bed later, should I be punished to die?” He was so sleepy and had no interest in further quarrel.
The next morning, I woke up with panda eyes and couldn’t fall asleep any more, while my husband was sleeping deeply “鼾声”.That made me angry again. I removed his cover, he woke up with shock, but soon realize what happened and got very angry. You might imagine we had a bad day.
It was night again and my husband went to bed earlier this time. The unbelievable thing happened. Guess what? I still couldn’t fall asleep. I believed so firmly that it was my husband interrupt my sleep. But I was wrong. It's the worry makes me awake. What I should control is the worry I have but not when he go to bed. Even I can control when he go to bed, I still couldn't control when I fall asleep. This time I didn’t get fire with my husband but reflect on my thoughts and behaviors. Things I believe right could simply be wrong. Many things came to my mind.
Why I got angry so easily and how often I was wrong? Sometimes I just complain. The person I complained most is my mom. My mom could watching TV all day long. And because of this she burned food for many times. She not only burned the food, she burned the pan. What’s even worse was her behavior impacted on my son, He was fascinating with cartoons and stayed late for his homework. I complained my mom was a bad model for my son and that made our relationship strained.
In the mid of the night, when I was clam, I imagined if the people I respected watch my behavior to my mom, will he criticize me like I do to my mom? Probably not, that’s why he is great but I’m not. I challenged myself, who give me the right to complain my mom?
When I complain, what’s the difference between me and my mom, I just like her. I realized my mom didn't have the same luck as I have to enter university, to meet great colleagues and be with you, my fellow toastmasters and distinguished guests. She might not have capability to be better.
How much time I spend on angering and complaining. I know it doesn't do any good to me but I still easily get angry and can't help complaining. I complain my son stay late at night. I complain people don't get what I mean. I complain my mom was lazy and watching TV for too long.
At that moment, I made up my mind to stop complaining. Stop complaining, I'm in better mood. I can focus more on myself.
The 3rd story made me enjoy growing myself. When I rehearsed my speech at home, unexpectedly, my son imitated me for fun. He imitated my voice and gestures even though he didn't understand. When I pause for some time, he said, you forgot your script. When I finished, he said: "English public speaking is so interesting. I want to practice every day. I was so surprised, as I used to invite him to BBMM toastmaster club and he said no. Now I have bigger motivation to practice English public speaking, to be a role model for my son.
Challenging yourself as you are not always right, give it a second thought before you get angry, and stop complaining, you could focus more on growing yourself. Grow yourself, you have chance to be a role model for others. Guess what? Ever since then I can sleep regardless my husband go to bed or not.
Growing yourself is like growing flowers, your butterfly will eventually fly over.
后记：
The 3rdlesson is from my son, another importantman in my life. I was willing to help him grow ever since he was born. One day wehad a trip to Shanghai museum. When we finished visiting and planned to go out,I asked him to zip his coat. It seemed some difficulty for him and I asked:“what’s the matter?” He became irritated and run out of the gate and zipped hiscoat outside. I was so confused. I cared him and just wanted to be helpful. Ididn’t know what I did wrong. I caught him up and asked earnestly, “son, whatdid Mom do wrong?” He said: “I am fine, what you need to do is don’t ask.” Atthat moment, I realized sometimes I didn’t try to understand his needs. My wayof ordering or even care might ruin his dignity. He wanted to demonstrate hecould do it. Growing yourself is to understand other’s needs.
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