Nancy's Diary

Nancy's Diary

    Do you always feel bored? Personally speaking, the answer is "Absolutely Yes". Even if you are not willing to admit. We are going to struggle with boredom when we are born. Let me give you a simple example: If you are a student,you will have a fresh feeling at the beginning of school life. Following day by day,you repeat something again and again,torturing by some useless exams. You maybe be lost in deep agony.

      Let me tell you a story about "A black dog " perhaps you can learn something from it.

      I had a black dog. His name was Depression. Whenever the black dog made an appearance, I felt empty and life just seemed to slow down. He could surprise me with the visit for no reason or occasion. The black dog made me look and feel older than my years. When the rest of the world seemed to be enjoying life, I  could only see it through the black dog. Activities that usually brought me pleasure suddenly ceased to.

    He liked to ruin my appetite. He chewed up my memory and my ability to concentrate. Doing anything or going anywhere with black dog required superhuman strength. At social occasion,he  would sniff out what confidence I had and chase it away. My biggest fear was being found out; I worried that people might judge me. Because of the shame and stigma of the black dog , I was constantly worried about being found out.So I invested a vast amount of energy to covering him up.

    Keeping up an emotional life is exhausting! Black dog could make me think or say negative things. He could make me irritable and difficult to be around.

    He would take my love and bury my intimacy. He loved nothing more than to wake me up with highly repetitive negative thinking. He also liked to remind me how exhausted I was going to be the next day. Having a black dog in your life is not so much about feeling a bit down,sad or blue. At its worst,it is about being devoid of feeling altogether. As I grew older,black dog got bigger and he started hanging around all the time. I chased them off with whatever I thought might send him running. But more often than not, he would come out on top. Going down became easier than getting up again. So I became rather good at self medication which never really helped.

    Eventually I felt totally isolated from everything and everyone. The black dog had finally succeeded in hijacking my life. When you lose all joy in life, you can begin to question what the point of it is. Thankful this was time when I sough professional help. This was my first step towards recovery and was a major turning point in my life.

    I learnt that it does not matter who you are,the black dog affects millions and millions of people. It's an equal opportunity mongrel. I also learnt that there was no silver bullet on magic pill. Medication can help some and others need different approach altogether.

    I also learnt that being emotionally genuine or authentic to those who close to you can be an absolute game changer.Most important I learnt not to be afraid of black dog and taught him a few tricks of my own. The more tried or stressed you are the louder he barks. So it is important to learn how to quiet your mind. It's been clinically proven that regular exercise can be as effective for treating mild to moderate depression as antidepressants. So go for a walk or run  and leave the mutt behind. Keep a mood journal, getting your thoughts on paper can be cathartic and often insightful. Also keep track of the things you have been grateful for.

    The most Important thing to remember is that no matter how had it gets, if you take right steps,talk to the right people,black dog days can and will pass.

    I wouldn't say that I am grateful for the black dog. But he has been an incredible teacher. He forced me to re-evalute and simplify my life. I learnt that rather than running away from my problem, it is better to embrace them. The black dog may always be a part of my life . But he would never be the beast that it was. We have an understanding. I've learnt through knowledge,patience,discipline and humour,the worst black dog can be made to heel.

      If you  are in difficulty,never be afraid to ask for help. There is absolutely no shame in doing so; the only shame is missing out of life.

Nancy's Diary