37
这时候，在我原本已经复杂的生活里，同时发生了两件出人意料的事儿。尼诺主持的研究中心受邀去纽约参加一场非常重要的活动；另外，波士顿的一家小出版社决定出版我的那本小书。这两件事情加在一起，让我们可以去美国旅行一趟。
Then in my already complicated life two
completely unexpected things happened at the same time. Nino’s research
institute was invited to New York for some important job and a tiny
publishing house in Boston published my book. Those two events turned into a
possible trip to the United States.
经过再三犹豫、再三讨论和争吵之后，我们决定给自己放个假。但出去两个星期时间，谁照顾黛黛和艾尔莎呢？我自己都很难管好她们：我给几本杂志写东西，做翻译，还要在一些大大小小的活动中心参加辩论会，要为我的新书做笔记，我那么忙碌，加上两个孩子，的确是越来越难了。通常我都会找米雷拉——尼诺的一个学生，人很可靠，要的钱也不多。假如她没空的话，我就让安东内拉来照看她们，安东内拉是一个女邻居，有五十多岁，是一个很能干的母亲，孩子已经大了。在当时的情况下，我想让彼得罗照顾她们一段时间，但他说，那段时间照顾她们两个星期，对他来说不太可能。我分析了一下我的处境（我和阿黛尔已经没有联系了。马丽娅罗莎离开了米兰，不知道她去了哪儿。我母亲现在生病了，她很脆弱。埃莉莎对我充满敌意），我觉得，我实在找不出什么好办法。最后，彼得罗对我说：“你问问莉娜，过去，她让你帮她照顾儿子，照顾了好几个月时间，你让她帮你看一下孩子，也是应该的。”我很难做决定，我一方面想象着，尽管她有很多工作，她还是会表示愿意照顾她们，但她对待我的两个女儿的态度，就像她们是一身毛病，有各种要求的娇小姐，她会折磨她们，会让詹纳罗看着她们。但我心里最隐秘的地方认为——可能这个想法比第一个想法更让我厌烦——那就是，我认为她是我认识的人里唯一一个会精心照顾她们，让她们开心的人。我必须马上做出决定，这促使我给她打电话。我充满忧虑、绕来绕去说了很久之后，让我惊异的是，她毫不犹豫地回答说：
After endless hesitations, endless
discussions, some quarrels, we decided to take that vacation. But I would
have to leave Dede and Elsa for two weeks. Even under normal conditions I had
a hard time making arrangements: I wrote for some journals, I did translations,
I took part in debates in places large and small, I compiled notes for a new
book, and to arrange for the children with all that hectic activity was
always extremely difficult. In general I turned to Mirella, a student of
Nino’s, who was very reliable and didn’t ask much, but if she wasn’t
available I left them with Antonella, a neighbor of around fifty, the
competent mother of grown children. This time I tried to get Pietro to take
them, but he said it was impossible just then to have them for so long. I
examined the situation (I had no relationship with Adele, Mariarosa had left
and no one knew where she was, my mother was weakened by her elusive illness,
Elisa was increasingly hostile), and there didn’t seem to be an acceptable
solution. It was Pietro who finally said to me: Ask Lina, she left her son
with you for months, she’s in your debt. I had a hard time making up my mind.
The more superficial part of me imagined that, although she had showed that
in spite of her work obligations she was available, she would treat my
daughters like fussy, demanding little dolls, she would torment them, or
leave them to Gennaro; while a more hidden part, which perhaps upset me more
than the first, considered her the only person I knew who would devote
herself entirely to making them comfortable. It was the urgency of finding a
solution that drove me to call her. To my tentative and evasive request she
responded without hesitation, as usual surprising me:
“你的女儿就是我的女儿，你想什么时候把她们送过来都行，你忙你的事情吧，照顾多久都没事儿。”
“Your daughters are more than my
daughters, bring them to me whenever you like and go do your things as long
as you want.”
尽管我跟她说，我要和尼诺一起出发，但我把孩子交给她，千叮咛万嘱咐时，我从来都没有提到过尼诺。就这样，一九八〇年五月，虽然我有很多顾虑，但我还是满怀热情地出发去美国了。对于我来说，这场旅行异乎寻常。我又一次感觉自己在打破界限，我在大洋上飞行，面对整个世界，感到一种激动人心的狂喜。当然，那两个星期非常辛苦，而且花费巨大。那两位出版了我的书的女士，虽然她们没有钱，但还是对我这趟旅行慷慨解囊。至于尼诺，他报销来回机票都很难。无论如何，我们都很幸福，至少是我，我从来都没有像那几日那样舒心过。
Even though I had told her that I was
going with Nino, she never mentioned him, not even when, with all kinds of
cautions, I brought her the children. And so in May of 1980, consumed by
misgivings and yet excited, I left for the United States. It was an extraordinary
experience. I felt again that I had no limits, I was capable of flying over
oceans, expanding over the entire world: an exhilarating delirium. Naturally
the two weeks were very exhausting and very expensive. The women who had
published my book had no money and even though they were generous I still
spent a lot. As for Nino, he had trouble getting reimbursed even for his
airplane ticket. Yet we were happy. I, at least, have never been so happy as
in those days.
那趟旅行回来，我很确信自己怀孕了。出发去美国之前，我已经有些怀疑了，但我从来没有跟尼诺说过，整个旅行，我都在暗自品尝这一巨大的欣喜，这种可能性。当我去接两个女儿时，我已经很确信自己怀孕了，我感觉自己充满活力，几乎要对莉拉坦白这件事儿。但像往常一样，我放弃了。我想：对于她来说，这可能不是什么好事儿，因为我之前已经否认了我想再要一个孩子。但无论如何，我都兴高采烈的，好像我的幸福感染到了莉拉。她看到我也很高兴，感叹了一句：“你真美啊！”我把给她、恩佐还有詹纳罗的礼物拿给了她。我非常详细地跟她讲述了我看到的城市、见到的人。我说，在飞机上，我透过云层上的一个洞，看到了大西洋。美国人都很开放，他们不像德国人那么拘谨，也不像法国人那么傲慢。即使你英文说得不好，他们也会耐心地听你说。在餐馆里，大家都在大声嚷嚷，比那不勒斯还要吵，如果拿诺瓦拉大街上的摩天大楼和波士顿或者纽约的摩天大楼相比，你会发现，诺瓦拉街上那栋根本算不上什么。美国的街道都是编了号的，而不是用一些大家都不记得的人的名字来命名。我从来都没提到尼诺，从来都没说到任何和他相关的东西，还有他的工作，我讲到美国时，就好像是我一个人去的。她很专心地听我说，问了一些我没办法回答的问题，最后她很诚恳地赞美了我的两个女儿。她说，她们相处得很好。我感到很愉快，几乎要脱口而出说我又怀孕了，但莉拉没有给我机会。她很严肃地嘟哝了一句：“你现在回来真是太好了，莱农，我刚得到一个好消息，我想马上告诉你。”她也怀孕了。
When we got back I was sure I was
pregnant. Already before leaving for America I had had some suspicions, but I
hadn’t said anything to Nino and for the entire vacation I had savored the
possibility in secret, with a heedless pleasure. But when I went to get my
daughters I had no more doubts and, feeling so literally full of life, I was
tempted to confide in Lila. As usual, however, I gave up on the idea, I
thought: She’ll say something unpleasant, she’ll remind me that I claimed I
didn’t want another child. I was radiant and Lila, as if my happiness had
infected her, greeted me with an air that was no less content, she exclaimed:
How beautiful you look. I gave her the gifts I had brought for her, for Enzo,
and for Gennaro. I told her in detail about the cities I had seen, the
encounters I’d had. From the plane, I said, I saw a piece of the Atlantic
Ocean through a hole in the clouds. The people are very friendly, they’re not
reserved the way they are in Germany, or arrogant, as in France. Even if you
speak English badly they listen to you with attention and make an effort to
understand. In the restaurants everybody shouts, more than in Naples. If you
compare the skyscraper on Corso Novara with the ones in Boston or New York,
you realize it’s not a skyscraper. The streets are numbered, they don’t have
the names of people everyone’s forgotten by now. I never mentioned Nino, I
didn’t say anything about him and his work, I acted as if I had gone by
myself. She listened attentively, she asked questions I wasn’t able to
answer, and then she praised my daughters sincerely, she said she had got on
very well with them. I was pleased, and again I was on the point of telling
her that I was expecting a child. But Lila didn’t give me time, she whispered
seriously: Lucky you’re back, Lenù, I’ve just had some good news and it makes
me happy to tell you first of all. She, too, was pregnant.
38
莉拉全身心地照顾着两个孩子。每天早上她要叫醒她们，让她们洗漱，穿衣服，又快又好地吃一顿早餐，在早晨混乱的交通中，把她们送到塔索街上的学校里，在晚高峰时把她们准时接回来，把她们带回城区，让她们吃饱饭，监督她们完成作业，同时还要完成自己的工作，做家务。但是，仔细询问了黛黛和艾尔莎之后，我才清楚地知道，她对她们的照顾简直太周到了。现在对于她们来说，我成了一个不怎么称职的母亲。我做的西红柿拌面没莉娜阿姨做的好吃，我给她们吹头发，不像莉娜阿姨那么温柔，为她们梳头没有她梳得好看。除了有一些她们喜欢的歌儿她不会唱，莉娜阿姨在解决任何问题时，都要比我敏感。还需要补充一点，尤其是在黛黛看来，这么了不起的一个女人，我们不经常和她来往，简直是太遗憾了（“妈妈，为什么我们不去找莉娜阿姨呢？为什么你不让我们经常住她家啊？你不走了吗？”）。莉娜还有一个不可比拟的地方就是：她是詹纳罗的母亲。我的大女儿说到里诺时，就好像他是这个世界上最成功的男性。
Lila had dedicated herself to the
children body and soul. And it could not have been easy to wake them in time
in the morning, get them washed and dressed, give them a solid but quick
breakfast, take them to school in the Via Tasso neighborhood amid the morning
chaos of the city, pick them up punctually in that same turmoil, bring them
back to the neighborhood, feed them, supervise their homework, and keep up
with her job, her domestic tasks. But, when I questioned Dede and Elsa
closely, it became clear that she had managed very well. And now for them I
was a more inadequate mother than ever. I didn’t know how to make pasta with
tomato sauce the way Aunt Lina did, I didn’t know how to dry their hair and
comb it with the skill and gentleness she had, I didn’t know how to perform
any task that Aunt Lina didn’t approach with a superior sensitivity, except
maybe singing certain songs that they loved and that she had admitted she
didn’t know. To this it should be added that, especially in Dede’s eyes, that
marvelous woman whom I didn’t visit often enough (Mamma, why don’t we go see
Aunt Lina, why don’t you let us sleep at her house more, don’t you have to go
away anymore?) had a specific quality that made her unequalled: she was the
mother of Gennaro, whom my older daughter usually called Rino, and who seemed
to her the most wonderful person of the male sex in the world.
当时，我觉得很难过，之前我和两个女儿的关系是田园式的，非常安宁，她们对于莉拉理想化的看法使我们的关系恶化了。有一次，她们的批评让我失去了耐心，我嚷嚷起来：“别说了，你们现在去母亲市场上再买一个吧。”“母亲市场”——这是我们经常说的玩笑话，通常都是用来缓解矛盾，让我们重归于好。我通常会说说：“假如你们觉得我不好，就把我卖到母亲市场上去。”她们的回答是：“不，妈妈，我不想卖你，我们就喜欢你这个样子。”但那天，可能是因为我的语气非常不满，黛黛回答说：“好吧，我们马上去，我们把你卖了，再把莉娜阿姨买回来。”
At the moment I was hurt. My relations
with the children were not wonderful and their idealization of Lila made
things worse. Once, at yet another criticism of me, I lost my patience, I
yelled: O.K., go to the market of mothers and buy another one. That market
was a game of ours that generally served to alleviate conflicts and reconcile
us. I would say: Sell me at the market of mothers if I’m no good for you; and
they would answer, no, Mamma, we don’t want to sell you, we like you the way
you are. On that occasion, however, maybe because of my harsh tone, Dede
answered: Yes, let’s go right now, we can sell you and buy Aunt Lina.
家里的气氛就是这样。在当时的情况下，我当然不能对她们说，之前我撒谎了，我其实要再生一个孩子。我当时的情绪很复杂：义无反顾、羞耻、自豪、不安、无辜和愧疚都有。这话很难说出口：孩子们，我以为我再也不想再要一个孩子，但实际上，我很想要，其实我已经怀孕了，你们会有一个小弟弟，或者一个小妹妹，她/他的父亲不是你们的父亲，这个孩子的父亲是尼诺。但他已经有一个妻子和两个孩子了，我不知道他会怎么想。我不知道从哪儿开始说，我一直在考虑着这件事情，一直在拖延。
That was the atmosphere for a while. And
certainly it wasn’t the best one for telling the children that I had lied to
them. My emotional state was complicated: shameless, shy, happy, anxious,
innocent, guilty. And I didn’t know where to begin, the conversation was
difficult: children, I thought I didn’t want another child, but I did, and in
fact I’m pregnant, you’ll have a little brother or maybe another sister, but
the father isn’t your father, the father is Nino, who already has a wife and
two children, and I don’t know how he’ll take it. I thought about it, thought
about it again, and put it off.
后来，我和两个女儿交谈时，她们冷不丁地说了一些让我惊异的话。黛黛用一种很正式的语气——那是她想说明一个原则性问题时采用的语气，艾尔莎在一边听着，满脸不安：
Then out of the blue came a conversation
that surprised me. Dede, in front of Elsa, who listened in some alarm, said
in the tone she took when she wanted to explain a problem full of perils:
“你知道吗？莉娜阿姨和恩佐一起睡觉，但他们没结婚？”
“You know that Aunt Lina sleeps with
Enzo, but they’re not married?”
“是谁告诉你的？”
“Who told you?”
“里诺。恩佐不是他父亲。”
“Rino. Enzo isn’t his father.”
“这个也是里诺告诉你的？”
“Rino told you that, too?”
“是的。我问了莉娜阿姨，她给我解释了一下。”
“Yes. So I asked Aunt Lina and she
explained to me.”
“她怎么解释的？”
“What did she explain?”
她有些紧张。她审视着我，想搞清楚我是不是生气了。
She was tense. She observed me to see if
she was making me angry.
“我要说给你听吗？”
“Shall I tell you?”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“莉娜阿姨和你一样，她之前也有一个丈夫，他是里诺的父亲，叫斯特凡诺·卡拉奇。她还有恩佐——恩佐·斯坎诺是和她睡觉的人。这和你的情况完全一样：你有爸爸，他姓艾罗塔，但你和尼诺睡觉，他姓萨拉托雷。”
“Aunt Lina has a husband just as you do,
and that husband is Rino’s father, his name is Stefano Carracci. Then she has
Enzo, Enzo Scanno, who sleeps with her. And the exact same thing happens with
you: you have Papa, whose name is Airota, but you sleep with Nino, whose name
is Sarratore.”
我微笑着，想让她放心，我没有生气。
I smiled to reassure her.
“为什么你记住了这些名字？”
“How did you ever learn all those
surnames?”
“这是莉娜阿姨提到的，她说，这些事儿很荒唐。里诺是从她肚子里出来的，和她一起生活，但他随他父亲姓，姓卡拉奇。我们是从你的肚子里出来的，我们大部分时间都是和你在一起，而不是和爸爸在一起，但我们姓艾罗塔。”
“Aunt Lina talked to us about it, she
said that they’re stupid. Rino came out of her stomach, he lives with her,
but he’s called Carracci like his father. We came out of your stomach, we
live much more with you than with Papa, but we’re called Airota.”
“然后呢？”
“So?”
“但是，妈妈，有人要说起莉娜阿姨的肚子，不会说这是斯特凡诺·卡拉奇的肚子，而会说这是莉娜·赛鲁罗的肚子。你的情况也是一样：你的肚子是埃莱娜·格雷科的，而不是彼得罗·艾罗塔的肚子。”
“Mamma, if someone talks about Aunt
Lina’s stomach he doesn’t say this is Stefano Carracci’s stomach, he says
this is Lina Cerullo’s stomach. The same goes for you: your stomach is Elena
Greco’s stomach, not Pietro Airota’s.”
“这是什么意思呢？”
“And what does that mean?”
“意思是，如果里诺叫里诺·赛鲁罗，我们叫黛黛和艾尔莎·格雷科的话会更合理。”
“That it would be more correct for Rino
to be called Rino Cerullo and us Dede and Elsa Greco.”
“这是你的想法吗？”
“Is that your idea?”
“不是，这是莉娜阿姨的想法。”
“No, Aunt Lina’s.”
“你是怎么想的？”
“What do you think?”
“我想法和她一样。”
“I think the same thing.”
“是吗？”
“Yes?”
“是的，这一点我很肯定。”
“Yes, absolutely.”
这时候，艾尔莎看到气氛很融洽，她拽了我一下，插了一句：
But Elsa, since the atmosphere seemed
favorable, tugged at me and intervened:
“这不是真的，妈妈。她说过，她结婚以后，会叫黛黛·卡拉奇。”
“It’s not true, Mamma. She said that when
she gets married she’ll be called Dede Carracci.”
黛黛很气愤地吼道：
Dede exclaimed furiously:
“闭嘴，你胡说什么！”
“Shut up, you’re a liar.”
我问艾尔莎：
I turned to Elsa:
“为什么会叫黛黛·卡拉奇呢？”
“Why Dede Carracci?”
“因为她想和里诺结婚。”
“Because she wants to marry Rino.”
我问黛黛：
I asked Dede:
“你喜欢里诺吗？”
“You like Rino?”
“是的，”她用一种带着怒气的声音说，“假如我们不结婚，我也要和他睡觉。”
“Yes,” she said in an argumentative tone,
“and even if we don’t get married I’ll sleep with him just the same.”
“和里诺？”
“With Rino?”
“是的，就像莉娜阿姨和恩佐，就像你和尼诺。”
“Yes. Like Aunt Lina with Enzo. And also
like you with Nino.”
“她可以这么做吗，妈妈？”艾尔莎满脸怀疑地问。
“Can she do that, Mamma?” Elsa asked,
dubiously.
我没回答，回避了她们的问题。但她们的这番话让我心情大好，我开始了一个新阶段。实际上，我没费很大力气就注意到，关于真假父亲还有新旧姓名的闲谈，莉拉让黛黛和艾尔莎觉得，她们现在的处境不仅仅是可以接受的，而且很有意思。结果是，我的两个女儿奇迹般地不再怀念阿黛尔和马丽娅罗莎；她们从佛罗伦萨回来时，也不再说她们想一直和她们的父亲还有多莉娅娜在一起；她们不再给她们的保姆米雷拉制造麻烦，不再觉得米雷拉是她们最大的敌人；她们不再敌视那不勒斯、学校、老师、同学；尤其是，她们接受了尼诺睡在我床上的事实。总之，她们看起来开朗了很多。看着她们的变化，我慢慢也松了一口气。莉拉现在进入了我两个女儿的生活，把她们吸引到自己身边。虽然这是一件让我很烦的事儿，但我必须承认：她在我两个女儿身上投入全部的感情，对她们无微不至，减轻她们内心的负担和不安。实际上，这就是我爱的那个莉拉：从那些邪恶的事情里，忽然间会冒出一些惊喜，让我很感动。忽然间，我的怨气都消了。她很阴险，她一直都是那样，但她有很多优点，需要容忍她。我发现，她在帮助我，也减轻了我两个女儿受到的伤害。
I didn’t answer, I was evasive. But that
exchange improved my mood and initiated a new phase. It didn’t take much, in
fact, to recognize that with this and other conversations about real and
pretend fathers, about old and new last names, Lila had managed to make the
living situation into which I had cast Dede and Elsa not only acceptable in
their eyes but even interesting. In fact almost miraculously my daughters
stopped talking about how they missed Adele and Mariarosa; they stopped
saying, when they returned from Florence, that they wanted to go and stay
forever with their father and Doriana; they stopped making trouble for
Mirella, the babysitter, as if she were their worst enemy; they stopped
rejecting Naples, the school, the teachers, their classmates, and, above all,
the fact that Nino slept in my bed. In short, they seemed more serene. And I
noted those changes with relief. However vexing it might be that Lila had
entered the lives of my daughters, binding them to her, the last thing I
could accuse her of was not having given them the utmost affection, the
utmost care, assistance in reducing their anxieties. That was the Lila I
loved. She could emerge unexpectedly from within her very meanness,
surprising me. Suddenly every offense faded—she’s malicious, she always has
been, but she’s also much more, you have to put up with her—and I
acknowledged that she was helping me do less harm to my daughters.
有一天早上，我醒来时发现，经过了那么长时间之后，我第一次不是带着敌意想起她。我想起了她结婚的情景，还有她的第一次怀孕：她当时十六岁，只比黛黛大七八岁，我女儿很快就到了当时我们那个充满噩梦的年龄。我感觉无法理解，在那么短的时间里，也就是七八年之后，我女儿会像当年莉拉那样，穿上婚纱，在床上遭受一个男人的凌辱，被禁锢在卡拉奇太太这个身份里。我觉得，假如这件事情发生在她身上，那简直太不可思议了，就像发生在我身上的事情，在玛隆蒂海滩，心情阴郁，夜里被一个成熟男人压在身下，身上沾满了沙子，只是出于报复，才做那些事情。我想起了很多让人懊恼的事情，我们经历的那些事情，让我们的关系更加坚固的事儿。我想，忘记我们共同经过的事，而是对她心怀嫉恨和芥蒂，这是多愚蠢啊！那些糟糕的想法无法避免，但重要的是，要抑制负面情绪。我借口两个孩子很想见她，逐渐又靠近了莉拉。我们肚子里的孩子让我们走得更近了。
One morning I woke up and thought of her
without hostility for the first time in a long while. I remembered when she
got married, her first pregnancy: she was sixteen, only seven or eight years
older than Dede. My daughter would soon be the age of the ghosts of our
girlhood. I found it inconceivable that in a relatively small amount of time,
my daughter could wear a wedding dress, as Lila had, end up brutalized in a
man’s bed, lock herself into the role of Signora Carracci; I found it equally
inconceivable that, as had happened to me, she could lie under the heavy body
of a grown man, at night, on the Maronti, smeared with dark sand, damp air,
and bodily fluids, just for revenge. I remembered the thousands of odious
things we had gone through and I let the solidarity regain force. What a
waste it would be, I said to myself, to ruin our story by leaving too much
space for ill feelings: ill feelings are inevitable, but the essential thing
is to keep them in check. I grew close to Lila again with the excuse that the
children liked seeing her. Our pregnancies did the rest.
39
但我们是截然不同的两个孕妇，我的身体很适应，她的反应很强烈。尽管从刚开始，莉拉都强调她想要那个孩子，她笑着说：“这在计划之内。”然而，她的身体还是像往常一样在抵抗，在排斥。我感觉好像有一道光照亮了我身体内部，我红光满面，她却脸色发绿，眼白发黄，她特别讨厌某些味道，一直在呕吐。她说：“我怎么办啊？我自己很高兴，但我肚子里的这个东西不高兴，还专门跟我作对。”恩佐否定了这一点，他说：“你说什么啊，他也很高兴，比任何人都高兴。”莉拉开恩佐的玩笑，说他的意思是：你不要担心，这是我放进去的，我看到他很好，你要放心。
But we were two very different pregnant
women. My body reacted with eager acceptance, hers with reluctance. And yet
from the beginning Lila emphasized that she had wanted that pregnancy, she
said, laughing: I planned it. Yet there was something in her body that, as
usual, put up resistance. Thus while I immediately felt as if a sort of
rose-colored light flickered inside me, she became greenish, the whites of
her eyes turned yellow, she detested certain smells, she threw up
continuously. What should I do, she said, I’m happy, but that thing in my
belly isn’t, it’s mad at me. Enzo denied it, he said: Come on, he’s happier
than anyone. And according to Lila, who made fun of him, he meant: I put it
in there, trust me, I saw that it’s good and you mustn’t worry.
我遇到恩佐的那几次，他比往常更可爱，更让人欣赏。那就好像他以前的那种自豪感现在有了一条新理由，通过百倍的干劲儿展现出来了。无论在家里，在办公室，还是在街上，他都非常精心地照顾着他的伴侣，会满足她各种各样的需求，让她免于各方面的风险。他自告奋勇，把莉拉怀孕的消息告诉斯特凡诺。斯特凡诺听到这个消息，眼睛都没有眨一下，脸上的肌肉抽动了一下，就走开了，也许是因为他的肉食店现在一点儿钱都赚不到，前妻给他的支持非常重要，也许是因为他和莉拉之间，已经是非常遥远的故事了。莉拉怀孕了，那和他有什么关系，他脑子里有其他问题、其他事儿要考虑。
When I ran into Enzo I felt more liking
for him than usual, more admiration. It was as if to his old pride a new one
had been added, which was manifested in a vastly increased desire to work
and, at the same time, in a vigilance at home, in the office, on the street,
all aimed at defending his companion from physical and metaphysical dangers
and anticipating her every desire. He took on the task of giving Stefano the
news; he didn’t blink, he half grimaced and withdrew, maybe because by now
the old grocery made almost nothing and the subsidies he got from his ex-wife
were essential, maybe because every connection between him and Lila must have
seemed to him a very old story, what did it matter to him if she was
pregnant, he had other problems, other desires.
尤其是，恩佐承担起了把这件事情告诉詹纳罗的任务。莉拉在她儿子面前，和我在黛黛和艾尔莎面前一样尴尬，但她更有理由尴尬，詹纳罗已经不是一个孩子了，不能跟他用一种幼稚的语言和语气说这件事儿。他是一个身处青春期危机的男孩，在高中已经连着两次考试不及格了，他现在变得非常敏感，经常会忍不住流眼泪，他没办法摆脱那种耻辱。他一天要么在街上逛荡，要么会坐在他父亲的肉食店里，待在角落里，一句话也不说，研究着斯特凡诺的一举一动，一边折腾自己脸上的青春痘。
But, mainly, Enzo took on the job of
telling Gennaro. Lila in fact had reasons to feel embarrassment with her son
that were no different from mine—but certainly more justified—for feeling
embarrassed with Dede and Elsa. Gennaro wasn’t a child and childish tones and
words couldn’t be used with him. He was a boy in the full crisis of puberty
who couldn’t find an equilibrium. Failed twice in a row in high school, he
had become hypersensitive, unable to hold back tears, or emerge from his
humiliation. He spent days wandering the streets or in his father’s grocery,
sitting in a corner, picking at the pimples on his broad face and studying
Stefano in every gesture and expression, without saying a word.
莉拉很担心詹纳罗听到这个消息后会不高兴，但同时她也担心别人，比如斯特凡诺，会告诉儿子这件事儿。恩佐有一天晚上把他叫到一边，跟他说了莉拉怀孕的事儿。詹纳罗当时不动声色，没有反应。恩佐鼓励他说：“去拥抱一下你母亲，让她感觉到你爱她。”孩子按照他的意思做了。但过了几天，艾尔莎回避过她姐姐，悄悄问我：
He’ll take it really badly, Lila worried,
but meanwhile she was afraid that someone else would tell him, Stefano for
example. So one evening Enzo took him aside and told him about the pregnancy.
Gennaro was impassive, Enzo urged him: Go hug your mother, let her know that
you love her. The boy obeyed. But a few days later Elsa asked me in secret:
“妈妈，婊子是什么？”
“Mamma, what’s a tramp?”
“是猪的妻子。”
“A beggar.”
“你肯定吗？”
“You’re sure?”
“肯定。”
“Yes.”
“里诺跟黛黛说，莉娜阿姨是一个婊子。”
“Rino told Dede that Aunt Lina is a
tramp.”
总之，这都是问题。我没和莉拉谈到这些，我觉得，说了也没什么用。再加上我也有自己的问题：我没办法对彼得罗开口，我没办法告诉两个孩子这件事情，尤其是，我没办法告诉尼诺。我很肯定，尽管彼得罗现在有了多莉娅娜，他听到我怀孕一定也会感到不悦，他会把这件事情告诉他父母，她母亲又会想尽办法给我使绊子。我很确信，黛黛和艾尔莎听到这个消息之后，会对我充满敌意。但真正的问题是尼诺，我希望这个孩子的诞生会把他拴在我身边，我希望埃利奥诺拉知道他又一次成为父亲后会离开他。但我的这个希望很渺茫，我感到害怕。尼诺已经很清楚地告诉我了：他选择过这种双重的生活。尽管这会给我们造成各种各样的问题，不安、焦虑和紧张的气氛，但他也不愿意彻底和妻子决裂。结果是，我很害怕他会要求我把孩子打掉。这样每天，我都想告诉他我的状况，每天我都想：不，最好还是明天再说吧。
Problems, in other words. I didn’t talk
to Lila about it, that seemed pointless. And then I had my own difficulties:
I couldn’t bring myself to tell Pietro, I couldn’t tell the children, mainly
I couldn’t tell Nino. I was sure that when Pietro found out I was pregnant he
would be resentful, even though he now had Doriana, and would turn to his
parents, would induce his mother to make trouble for me in every way
possible. I was sure that Dede and Elsa would become hostile again. But my
real worry was Nino. I hoped that the birth of the child would bind him
definitively to me. I hoped that Eleonora, once she found out about that new
fatherhood, would leave him. But it was a feeble hope, usually fear
predominated. Nino had told me clearly: he preferred that double life—even
though it caused all sorts of problems, anxieties, tensions—to the trauma of
an absolute break with his wife. I was afraid he would ask me to have an
abortion. So every day I was on the point of telling him and every day I said
to myself: No, better tomorrow.
但是，一切问题好像都开始化解了。有一天晚上，我给彼得罗打电话，我对他说：“我怀孕了。”他沉默了很长时间，然后清了清嗓子，嘟哝了一句，他早就料到会有这一天。他问：
Instead everything began to sort itself
out. One night I telephoned Pietro and told him: I’m pregnant. There was a
long silence, he cleared his throat, he said softly that he expected it. He
asked:
“你告诉两个孩子了吗？”
“Have you told the children?”
“没有。”
“No.”
“你想让我告诉她们吗？”
“Do you want me to tell them?”
“不用。”
“No.”
“你想想怎么说。”
“Be careful.”
“好吧。”
“All right.”
就是这些。但从那时候开始，他的电话变得频繁起来，他语气很温情，很担心两个孩子的反应，每次都说让他来说。但这件事不是我们俩说的，是莉拉告诉两个孩子的。虽然她拒绝和自己的儿子谈她怀孕的事儿，但她说服了黛黛和艾尔莎，她说，她们很快就有一个活生生的娃娃可以玩，这是一件非常值得期待的事儿。这个小娃娃不是我和她们的父亲生的，而是我和尼诺生的。她们都很高兴。因为莉娜说那是一个小娃娃，她们也开始这样叫。她们对我的肚子产生了兴趣，每天早上醒来都会问：“妈妈，小娃娃还好吧？”
That was it. He began to call more often.
His tone was affectionate, he was worried about how the girls would react, he
offered every time to talk to them about it. But in the end it was neither of
us. It was Lila, who, although she had refused to tell her own son, convinced
Dede and Elsa that it would be a wonderful thing to occupy themselves, when
the time came, with the funny live doll that I had made with Nino and not
with their father. They took it well. Since Aunt Lina had called it a doll,
they began to use the same word. They were interested in my stomach, and
every morning when they woke up they asked, Mamma, how’s the doll?
告诉了彼得罗和两个孩子之后，我最终要面对尼诺。事情是这样的，有一天下午，我感觉非常不安，就去找莉拉，跟她说这件事。我问她：
Between telling Pietro and telling the
girls, I finally confronted Nino. It went like this. One afternoon when I
felt especially anxious I went to see Lila to complain, and asked her:
“假如他要我把孩子打掉呢？”
“What if he wants me to have an
abortion?”
“好吧，”她说，“那一切都变得很清楚。”
“Well,” she said, “then everything
becomes perfectly clear.”
“什么？”
“What’s clear?”
“他最在意的是他妻子和孩子，而不是你。”
“That his wife and children come first,
then you.”
都是很直接、毫不留情的话。莉拉有很多事都瞒着我，但她反对我和尼诺结合，这一点她丝毫不隐瞒。但我一点儿也不难过，我觉得，她这样直言不讳挺好的。从根本上来说，她对我说了我不敢对自己说的话，也就是尼诺听到我怀孕的消息的反应，是我们之间关系是否坚实的一种证明。过了一会儿儿，卡门带着她的孩子来了，莉拉让她也加入了这场讨论，那个下午和我们少年时一起度过的那些午后很像。我们说出自己的隐私，互相出谋划策。卡门很气愤，她说，假如尼诺不愿意要这个孩子，她可以亲自去找他谈谈。然后补充说：“我不明白，莱农，事情怎么可能这样？你这个水平的女人，怎么能让人踩在脚下。”我试着替自己辩解，也想为我的爱人开脱。我说，他的岳父家以前帮过他，现在还在帮他，我和尼诺现在能在一起过上这种生活，这是因为他通过他妻子的家庭能挣到很高的工资。我承认，我和两个孩子如果只靠我的书挣的钱，还有彼得罗给的抚养费生活的话，日子很难体面地过下去。最后，我补充说：“你们不要想歪了，尼诺对我很好，他一个星期至少要在我这儿住四天。他尽量让我免受各种屈辱，有时间的话，他会照顾黛黛和艾尔莎，就像她们是他亲生的。”但我刚说完，莉拉几乎是用命令的语气对我说：
Direct, brutal. Lila hid many things from
me, but not her aversion to my union. I wasn’t sorry, in fact I knew that it
did me good to speak explicitly. In the end she had said what I didn’t dare
say to myself, that Nino’s reaction would provide proof of the solidity of
our bond. I muttered something like: It’s possible, we’ll see. When, soon
afterward, Carmen arrived with her children, and Lila drew her, too, into the
conversation, the afternoon became like afternoons of our adolescence. We
confided in each other, we plotted, we planned. Carmen got mad, she said that
if Nino was opposed she was ready to go and speak to him in person. And she
added: I don’t understand how it’s possible, Lenù, that a person at your
level can let someone walk all over you. I tried to justify myself and to
justify my companion. I said that his in-laws had helped and were helping
him, that everything Nino and I could afford was possible only because,
thanks to his wife’s family, he had a good income. I admitted that, with what
I got from my books and from Pietro, the girls and I would have a hard time
scraping by in a respectable way. And I added: Don’t get the wrong idea,
though, Nino is very affectionate, he sleeps at my house at least four times
a week, he has always avoided humiliating me in any way, when he can he takes
care of Dede and Elsa as if they were his. But as soon as I stopped speaking
Lila almost ordered me:
“那你今晚就告诉他。”
“Then tell him tonight.”
我听从了她的建议。我回到家里，等着他回来，我们吃完晚饭之后，我把两个孩子哄睡了，我终于对他说了我怀孕的事儿。那是非常漫长的一刻，他拥抱了我，吻了我，他很幸福。我放心了，小声说了一句：“我早就知道了，但我担心你会生气。”他说我不应该那么想，然后说了一句让我惊异的话：“我们应该带着黛黛和艾尔莎去见一下我父母，告诉他们这个好消息，我母亲会非常高兴。”他想对他家人公开我们的关系，他想正式宣布他再次当父亲的事儿。我很顺从地表示同意，然后小声嘀咕了一句：
I obeyed. I went home and when he arrived
we had dinner, I put the children to bed, and finally I told him that I was
pregnant. There was a very long moment, then he hugged me, kissed me, he was
very happy. I whispered with relief: I’ve known for a while, but I was afraid
you would be angry. He reproached me, and said something that amazed me: We
have to go with Dede and Elsa to my parents and give them this good news,
too—my mother will be pleased. He wanted in that way to sanction our union,
he wanted to make his new paternity official. I gave a halfhearted sign of
agreement, then I said:
“你会告诉埃利奥诺拉吗？”
“But you’ll tell Eleonora?”
“这跟她没关系。”
“It’s none of her business.”
“你现在还是她丈夫。”
“You’re still her husband.”
“纯粹是名义上的。”
“It’s pure form.”
“我们的孩子要跟你姓，你要做认证。”
“You’ll have to give your name to our
child.”
“我会的。”
“I’ll do it.”
我很激动地说：
I became agitated.
“不，尼诺，你不会去的，你会一直假装下去，到现在你一直都在假装。”
“No, Nino, you won’t do it, you’ll
pretend it’s nothing, as you’ve done up to now.”
“你跟我在一起不开心吗？”
“Aren’t you happy with me?”
“我很开心？”
“I’m very happy.”
“我忽视你了吗？”
“Do I neglect you?”
“没有。但我离开了我丈夫，来到了那不勒斯，我的生活发生了翻天覆地的变化。而你呢，你还拥有你的家庭，你的家庭依然完好无损。”
“No. But I left my husband, I came to
live in Naples, I changed my life from top to bottom. You instead still have
yours, and it’s intact.”
“我的生活是你、你的两个女儿，还有你要生的这个孩子，其他都是必要的背景。”
“My life is you, your children, this
child who’s about to arrive. The rest is a necessary background.”
“对谁是必要的？对你？对我当然不是。”
“Necessary to whom? To you? Certainly not
to me.”
他紧紧地拥抱了我，喃喃地说：
He hugged me tight, he whispered:
“你要相信我。”
“Have faith.”
第二天，我打电话给莉拉，对她说：“一切都很顺利，尼诺听到这个消息后很高兴。”
The next day I called Lila and said to
her: Everything’s fine, Nino was really happy.
40
接下来的几个星期，情况非常复杂。我经常想，假如我的身体没有那么自然愉快地适应妊娠，假如我和莉拉一样一直处于一种遭罪的状态，那我肯定会撑不过来的。在经过很多次推托之后，我的出版社最后出版了尼诺的那本杂文集。我现在的任务是要联系那几个我认识的、有点名气的人，让他们在报纸上推广一下这本书，我还要联系那些认识尼诺，但因为骄傲，他不愿意打电话联系的人。我依然在模仿阿黛尔的处世方式，虽然我们现在关系非常糟糕。在同一个时期，彼得罗的书也终于面世了，他一有机会来看两个女儿，就给我带了一本。他很不安地等着我看上面的赠言（那句话有些尴尬：“给埃莱娜，教给我带着痛苦的爱”），我们俩都很激动，他邀请我去佛罗伦萨参加一个庆祝会，我不得不去，仅仅是因为他要把两个孩子带去。但在当时的情况下，我不得不面对公公婆婆公然的敌意，还有在去之前和回来之后尼诺的醋意。我和彼得罗的任何接触，都会让他醋意大发，看到书上面的赠言，他很生气，也愤愤不平，因为我说，我前夫的那本书非常精彩，现在整个学术界，还有报纸都带着敬意在谈论那本书。他很不高兴，因为他的那本书出版后默默无闻，无人理会。
Complicated weeks followed; I often
thought that if my body hadn’t reacted with such delighted naturalness to
pregnancy, if I had been in Lila’s state of continuous physical suffering, I
wouldn’t have held up. My publisher, after much resistance, finally brought
out Nino’s collection of essays, and I—continuing to imitate Adele, in spite
of our terrible relationship—took on the job of persuading both the few
prominent people I knew to cover it in the newspapers, and the many, very
many, he knew, but out of pride refused to telephone. Around at the same
time, Pietro’s book also was published, and he brought a copy to me himself
when he came to Naples to see his daughters. He waited anxiously while I read
the dedication (embarrassing: to Elena, who taught me to love with
suffering), we were both excited, he invited me to a celebration in his honor
in Florence. I had to go, if only to bring the children. But then I was
forced to face not only the open hostility of my in-laws but also, before and
after, Nino’s agitation: he was jealous of every contact with Pietro, angry
about the dedication, surly because I had said that my ex-husband’s book was
really good and was talked about with great respect within the academic world
and outside it, unhappy because his volume was going completely unnoticed.
无论我们的关系让我多么疲惫，无论我们的每个举动、我说的每句话、他说的每句话之后隐藏着多少危机，他不愿意听到彼得罗的名字，我提到弗朗科时，他的脸色也会变得阴沉。我和他的某个男性朋友说笑，他也会吃醋，但他觉得，他同时拥有我和他妻子，这很正常。有几次，我在菲兰杰里路上遇到了他，他和埃利奥诺拉，还有他们的两个孩子在一起。第一次，他们假装没有看到我就走了过去；第二次，我兴高采烈地堵在他们俩跟前，和他们说了几句，还谈到了我怀孕的事情，虽然那时候我的身材还看不出来。我后来极端愤怒地走开了，心都快从喉咙里跳出来了。后来，他批评了我的做法，他说，那种挑衅的行为是没有用的。我们吵架了（“我没告诉她，你是这孩子的父亲！我只是说我怀孕了”），我把他从家里赶了出去，后来我们又和好了。
How exhausting our relationship was, and
how many hazards were concealed in every gesture, in every sentence that I
uttered, that he uttered. He didn’t even want to hear Pietro’s name, he
darkened if I recalled Franco, he became jealous if I laughed too much with
some friend of his, yet he found it completely normal to divide himself
between me and his wife. A couple of times I ran into him on Via Filangieri
with Eleonora and the two children: the first time they pretended not to see
me, and kept going; the second I stopped in front of them with a warm smile,
I said a few words referring to my pregnancy, even though it wasn’t visible,
I went off in a rage, with my heart pounding in my throat. When, later, he
reproached me for what he called a needlessly provocative attitude, we
quarreled (I didn’t tell her that you’re the father: all I said was I’m
pregnant), I threw him out of the house, I welcomed him back.
在那些时刻，我忽然看到了自己真实的样子：很卑微，总是对他妥协，很小心，不让他陷于困境，不让他尴尬。我浪费我的时间，为他做饭，把他扔在家里的脏衣服洗干净，很留心地听着他在大学遇到的问题，还有他肩负的各种工作。因为周围人对他的喜爱，还有他丈人的权力，他的职务越来越多。每次他来的时候，我都和颜悦色，我希望他在我这里要比在另一个家里更舒适。我希望他休息好，对我倾诉，他肩负的各种责任让他很累，这会激起我的温情。我甚至问自己，埃利奥诺拉会不会比我更爱他，她为了不彻底失去尼诺接受了所有的事情。但有时候，我冒着被两个孩子听到的风险，忍不住会对着他叫喊：“我在这里是为了你，你跟我说说，我为什么要住在这座城市里，为什么我每天晚上都要等你，为什么我要容忍现在这个处境？”
At those moments I saw myself suddenly
for what I was: a slave, willing to always do what he wanted, careful not to
exaggerate in order not to get him in trouble, not to displease him. I wasted
my time cooking for him, washing the dirty clothes he left in the house,
listening to all his troubles at the university and in the many
responsibilities that he was accumulating, thanks to the aura of good feeling
that surrounded him and the small powers of his father-in-law; I always
welcomed him joyfully, I wanted him to be happier with me than in the other
house, I wanted him to relax, to confide, I felt sorry that he was
continuously overwhelmed by obligations; I even wondered if Eleonora might
love him more than I did, since she accepted every insult just to feel that
he was still hers. But sometimes I couldn’t stand it anymore and I yelled at
him, despite the risk that the girls might hear: Who am I for you, tell me
why I’m in this city, why I wait for you every night, why I tolerate this
situation.
在这种时候，他都会很害怕，会恳求我平静下来。可能是为了向我证明只有我是他的妻子，埃利奥诺拉对他来说是无关紧要的，他真的想在星期天带我去他父母家吃饭，他父母那时候住在民族路上。我没办法拒绝他，那天时间过得很慢，气氛很融洽。尼诺的母亲莉迪亚已经是一位年老的女人了，看起来一副饱受磨难的样子，她的眼睛里充满了惊恐，好像不是对于外面的世界的惊恐，好像威胁来自她的内心。至于皮诺、克莱利亚和西罗，我认识他们时，他们还是小孩子，现在他们已经长大成人了，有上学的，有工作的，克莱利亚甚至已经结婚了。后来，玛丽莎和阿方索也带着他们的孩子来了，我们开始吃饭。那餐饭非常漫长，有无数道菜，从中午两点开始，一直持续到晚上六点，是一种强颜欢笑的气氛，但也有真诚的情感。尤其是莉迪亚，她对我的态度，就像我是她家真正的媳妇一样，她让我坐在她旁边，她赞扬了我的两个女儿，为我肚子里怀的孩子感到高兴。
He became frightened and begged me to
calm down. It was probably to show me that I—I alone—was his wife, and
Eleonora had no importance in his life, that he really wanted to take me to
lunch one Sunday at his parents’, in their house on Via Nazionale. I didn’t
know how to say no. The day passed slowly and the mood was one of affection.
Lidia, Nino’s mother, was an old woman, worn down by weariness; her eyes
seemed terrified not by the external world but by a threat she felt from
within. As for Pino, Clelia, and Ciro, whom I had known as children, they
were adults, who studied, who worked, Clelia had recently gotten married.
Soon Marisa and Alfonso arrived with their children, and the lunch began.
There were innumerable courses, and it lasted from two in the afternoon until
six at night, in an atmosphere of forced gaiety, but also of sincere feeling.
Lidia, especially, treated me as if I were her real daughter-in-law, she
wanted to keep me beside her, she complimented my daughters, and
congratulated me for the child I carried in my womb.
自然，多纳托是让我不自在的唯一原因，二十年后再见到他，这让我非常震惊。他穿着一件深蓝色的家居服，脚上穿着一双褐色的拖鞋。整个人好像变小变宽了，他不停地挥舞着粗大的手，他手背上有着深色的老年斑，指甲缝里有污垢。他的脸太松弛了，肉都垂了下来，他的目光很浑浊。他光秃秃的头顶上只有几缕染过的头发，颜色好像有些发红。他笑的时候会露出牙齿掉了之后留下的空洞。开始，他努力做出那种见过世面的男人的语气，好几次，他盯着我的胸看，说了一些暧昧的话。然后，他开始抱怨：“这是什么世道，所有人都不守本分了，好像摩西十诫已经被废除了，女人谁还管那些，社会风气乱七八糟的。”但是，他的几个孩子都不理他，让他不要说了，最后他闭嘴了。吃完饭之后，多纳托把阿方索拉到一个角落里，想要得到他的关注。现在阿方索那么精致，那么俊秀，在我的眼里，他比莉拉还要好看。我时不时用一种难以置信的目光看着那个年老的男人。我想：小时候，在玛隆蒂海滩，我怎么能和这个龌龊的男人在一起过，那件事一定不是真的。噢！我的天，看看他现在的样子：秃顶、懒散、目光猥亵。他在我中学同桌的身边，阿方索现在那么女性化，就像一个穿着男性衣服的年轻女人。我和在他同一个房间，我和伊斯基亚时期的我已经全然相反。我想：今夕何夕？往昔何夕？
Naturally the only source of tension was
Donato. Seeing him after twenty years made an impression on me. He wore a
dark blue smoking jacket, and on his feet brown slippers. He was as if
shrunken and broadened, he kept waving his stubby hands, with their dark age
spots and a blackish arc of dirt under the nails. His face seemed to have
spread over the bones, his gaze was opaque. He covered his bald crown with
his sparse hair, dyed a vaguely reddish color, and when he smiled the spaces
where the teeth were missing showed. At first he tried to assume his former
attitude of a man of the world, and he kept staring at my bosom, and made
allusive remarks. Then he began to complain: Nothing is in its place, the Ten
Commandments have been abolished, women, who can restrain them, it’s all a
whorehouse. But his children shut him up, ignored him, and he was silent.
After lunch he drew Alfonso into a corner—so refined, so delicate, as
good-looking in my eyes as Lila and more—to indulge his craving to be the
center of attention. Every so often I looked, incredulous, at that old man, I
thought: it’s not possible that I, I as a girl, at the Maronti was with that
foul man, it can’t really have happened. Oh, my God, look at him: bald,
slovenly, his obscene glances, next to my so deliberately feminine classmate,
a young woman in male clothes. And I in the same room with him, so very
different from the me of Ischia. What time is now, what time was then.
忽然间，多纳托叫我的名字，他很有礼貌地说：“莱农。”阿方索也在对我招手，用目光示意我过去。我有些不安地走向他们呆的那个角落。多纳托开始用一种很高调的方式赞美我，就好像对着人群做演讲：“这位女士是一位伟大的学者，一位在世界上无与伦比的作家！我很高兴在她小时候就认识她了。在伊斯基亚，和我们一起度假时，她还是一个小孩子，她通过我写的那些初浅的诗句，靠近了文学，她在睡觉前会读我写的书，是不是，莱农？”
At a certain point Donato called me over,
he said politely, Lenù. And Alfonso, too, insisted with a gesture, a look,
that I join them. I went to their corner uneasily. Donato began to praise me
loudly, as if he were speaking to a vast audience: This woman is a great
scholar, a writer who has no equal anywhere in the world; I’m proud to have
known her as a girl; at Ischia, when she came to vacation at our house she
was a child, she discovered literature through her interest in my poor
verses, she read my book before going to sleep:—isn’t it true, Lenù?
他用一种不太确信的目光看着我，他的目光忽然变成了一种祈求。他用眼睛祈求我，让我确认，他对我走上文学道路起到了重要作用。我说，是的，是真的，我从小就不敢相信，我认识一个出版过一本诗集的人，而且他还在报纸上写文章。我对十几年前他在报纸上发表的书评表示感谢，那是关于我的第一本书的，我说那篇文章对我很有用。多纳托高兴得满脸通红，他变得神气起来，开始自我吹嘘，一边还抱怨说，因为那些平庸之辈的嫉妒和阻碍，他没能获得自己应有的声誉。这时候尼诺介入了，他二话不说，就把我拉到了他母亲跟前。
He looked at me uncertainly, suddenly a
supplicant. His eyes pleaded with me to confirm the role of his words in my
literary vocation. And I said yes, it’s true, as a girl I couldn’t believe
that I knew personally someone who had written a book of poetry and whose
thoughts were printed in the newspaper. I thanked him for the review that a
dozen years earlier he had given my first book, I said it had been very
useful. And Donato turned red with joy, he took off, he began to celebrate
himself and at the same time to complain that the envy of mediocrities had
kept him from becoming known as he deserved. Nino had to intervene, and
roughly. He brought me over to his mother again.
在回去的路上，他说了我，他说：“你知道我父亲是什么人，根本不能理他。”我点了点头，用余光看着他。尼诺也会脱发吗？也会发胖吗？也会说那些比他幸运的人的坏话吗？现在，他是那么英俊的一个男人，我不想考虑这个问题。他在继续批评他父亲：“他还不死心，真是越老越糟糕。”
On the street he reproached me, saying:
You know what my father’s like, there’s no need to encourage him. I nodded,
and meanwhile I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. Would Nino lose
his hair? Would he get fat? Would he utter rancorous words against those who
had been more fortunate? He was so good-looking now, I didn’t even want to
think about it. He was saying of his father: he can’t resign himself, the
older he gets the worse he is.
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