The Opioid Diaries -- Special Project by Times
回家路上偶然看到Times这篇专题，便在走廊默默读完。照片全部被调成了黑白色，唯一的色彩是标题所用的鲜红。抬头间感到一阵刺眼，眼前是太阳、天井和走廊所构筑的光影。
搜了一下似乎没有中文版，我就自行翻译了一下，谈不上信达雅，只希望能保持原文的意思与感觉。顺便一提，图片能表达很多东西，但这次触动我的只是朴素的文字。带图的原文在这里：http://time.com/james-nachtwey-opioid-addiction-america/
I AM AN ADDICT I had a career in sales in the automobile business. I was making a lot of money, upwards of $100,000 a year. Then I started up with the OxyContins. It’s an amazing feeling, that warm hug from Jesus. It started as a once-in-a-while thing. But I began telling myself, “Well, if I can feel this good on Friday and Saturday, why shouldn’t I feel this good on Tuesday and Wednesday?” And then the price started going up, and all of a sudden they’re $80 a pill. At this point, I’ve got a six- or seven-pills-a-day habit. I wouldn’t get out of bed without one. I always knew about heroin, but it was a line I didn’t want to cross. But, you know, the ship had already sailed. An opiate’s an opiate’s an opiate. I’m not trying to die, contrary to people’s belief. I’m not trying to kill myself. I’m just an addict. 我曾在汽车行业做销售。能挣一大笔钱，年薪10万美金以上。后来我开始吃奥施康定。那种感觉非常美妙，像是耶稣送来一个温暖的拥抱。当时只是很偶尔吃一次。但我渐渐开始对自己说，“既然我可以在周五周六享受这种美好，为什么不能也在周二周三享受呢？”奥施康定后来也开始涨价，我回过神来的时候，已经达到一片80美金了，而我已经养成了一天吃上六七片的习惯。如果没有吃，我甚至都不愿意起床。我一直都知道海洛因，但那是我不会越过的底线。可是一切已经开始了，我吃了一片、一片、又一片……我并非在求死——不是像人们以为的那样，我不是要自杀。我只是上了瘾。
‘Heroin grabs ahold of you, and it won’t let go. It turned me into somebody I never thought I would be.’ 海洛因抓住你了，而且不会放手。它把我变成了我从未想过的样子。
‘Opiods reach every part of society: Blue collar, white collar, everybody. It's nonstop. It's every day. And it doesn't seem like it's getting any better.’ 鸦片渗透了社会的每一个部分：蓝领阶层，白领阶层，所有人。不会停止。日复如是。而且，情况似乎并没有变好的迹象。
'Once you're into heroin, it's almost like a relationship with a person you love. And letting go of that, the thought of never seeing someone I love again - I couldn't imagine giving it up forever.' 一旦上瘾了，海洛因于你，就几近于一个你爱的人。让我放弃它，就像是要我再也不能见到我的爱人——我无法想象永远放弃它会是什么样。
‘I want my daughter. I shouldn’t have used with her. But I was too late.’ 我想要我的女儿。我不该在有她的时候吸毒的。可我意识到得太晚了。
'Tomorrow I'm having my baby. She's going to be born addicted. Thankfully she's not going to remember. But knowing that she's going to have to feel withdrawal because of my choices, knowing that she's going to feel pain because of my actions is horrible.' 明天我就要有孩子了。她将是先天成瘾。万幸的是她不会记得。但是，知道她将因我的选择而承受禁断症状，知道她将因我的行为而承受痛苦……这种感觉糟透了。
I AM AN OFFICER You kind of become cold to seeing somebody overdose. As an officer, you bury it away. A lot of us do that. That’s how we cope. It becomes easy to talk about the drug and not talk about the person, to say, “Yeah, just another one.” But seeing the families that are affected, their loved ones, actually seeing them on the scene, trying to care for their loved ones or friends. To see that, to see the children involved, the heartache, it’s overwhelming. You also learn not to give up. So I talk to everybody out here. They might not want to talk to me, but I’m talking to them. I just don’t brush by them. They’re a human being. A lot of things are lost in the world today, and humanity is one of them. 渐渐地你就似乎对他人吸毒过量这件事感到麻木了。作为一个警官，你只能把它埋葬起来。我们中的大多数人都这样做。这是我们处理这种事的方式。谈论毒品本身而不提某个人，就说“嗯，不过是又一个”——越来越容易。但是看着受到影响的家庭，看着他们所爱的人，亲眼看着他们努力关心他们的爱人或朋友……要亲眼看着这些，看着被波及的孩子们，是令人难以承受的心痛。你也学会了永不放弃。所以我会跟任何涉及到的人谈话。他们可能并不想跟我说话，但我要跟他们说话。我不想蜻蜓点水式地敷衍他们。他们是人。如今的世界缺失了太多的东西，人性正是其中之一。
‘At the meeting, we’re told that we need to try to get back to our lives. It’s easier said than done.’ 开会的时候，他们说我们需要努力回到我们自己的生活。说起来比做起来容易啊。
‘They want me to be clean. I want to be clean. It’s just wanting and doing is so foreign.’ 他们希望我干干净净的。我也希望自己干干净净的。只是，怎么想和怎么做，完全是两码事。
‘The universe hit me. I wanted to fight. I wanted to cry. I need to hold myself accountable. I’m hoping that this time, I make it.’ 这个宇宙与我开战。我想搏一把。我想哭喊。我需要对自己负责。希望这一次，我能够做到。
I AM A COUNSELOR I had to come to terms with the shame and guilt surrounding the wreckage of my past. The lives I had impacted, the wasted time. In recovery I realized that I can use the most disgraceful, embarrassing moments in my past to empathize with other men that are coming through the program. It was almost magical—the shame became something that I could use. My past has become one of my most valuable assets in helping people today. It really does take an army to strengthen our communities, to support men and women that are re-entering society. It’s not just what we do within these walls. This is something that takes months, even years. But we can solve this. The conversations are finally shifting from problem-centered to solution-based. 我的过去总是与耻辱、罪恶这些词联系在一起。我曾影响过的生命，我曾浪费的时光。在康复的过程中，我意识到我可以用我这些最令人不齿的过去来帮助其他有着相同问题的人。那简直就像是魔法——我的耻辱竟可以为我所用。如今，我的过去是我赖以帮助他人的重要财富。要想让我们的社群变得更强大，要想帮助那些正努力重回社会的男男女女，真的需要相当大的人力和努力。我们在这些墙内所做的远远不够。这是一个大工程，需要几个月，乃至几年的时间。但是我们能解决这个问题。对话的焦点终于已经在从问题本身向解决方法转移了。
'If your family member is struggling with addiction, love them. Don't fight them, don't judge them. And for the love of everything holy, pray for them.' 如果你的家人在与毒瘾搏斗，请爱他们。不要与他们做斗争，不要评判他们。请为他们祈祷。
'I don't want people to forget him. The good and the bad.' 我不希望他被忘记。无论是好的一面，还是坏的一面。
‘It never gets easier. Because that void will always be there. Our children are supposed to bury us; we’re not supposed to bury them.’ 从来都没有变得容易。那个空洞会一直存在。应该是我们的孩子来埋葬我们，而不是被我们埋葬。
总听人说，爱情就像毒瘾，明知危险，却舍不得放手。半分自嘲，半分推诿，可能还有些许逼出来的文艺范，以是对自己的慰藉。然而是否把毒瘾说得太轻松了呢？倒过来试一试：毒瘾就像爱情，明知危险，却舍不得放手。说出这话的人的心情是怎样的沉重。吸毒到底意味着什么？它把一个人变成他从未想过的样子，从他身上夺走很多东西，但并未剥夺基本的人性，比如自尊，比如母性，比如对生活的渴求，比如对自身为人的期待。高墙的后面是一双双时而浑浊，时而清澈的眼睛。
诚然，鸦片是个人的选择，但是其中也有万千不可抗的外在或内在因素作祟。垒起高墙不是解决问题的根本途径。他们需要家人，需要朋友，需要关怀的眼神。也有很多人，在帮助他们，在做比旁观而立更多的事，即使明白这很艰难，混杂着呻吟和随时可能往复的酸楚。我们的敌人是鸦片，不是吸鸦片的人。
编辑的后记也一并摘下。言语间透着的是对人的关怀，一种小心翼翼但十分笃定的关怀，并落实到行动上。无论从媒体工作者还是位居要职者的角度，责任感都不是说说而已。Times能有这样的编辑是幸运的，这样的编辑能被Times支持亦是幸运的。
WHAT I SAW -- BY JAMES NACHTWEY
Like most people, I’d heard about the opioid epidemic. It was especially hard to get my mind around a statistic from 2016: almost as many deaths from drug overdoses as in all of America’s recent wars combined. But numbers are an abstraction. I had no idea what it looked like on the ground. The only way to make real sense of it, I told my editors, was to see what happens to individual human beings, one by one.
Photography can cut through abstractions and rhetoric to help us understand complex issues on a human level. Never is photography more essential than in moments of crisis. To witness people suffering is difficult. To make a photograph of that suffering is even harder. The challenge is to remain open to very powerful emotions and, rather than shutting down, channel them into the images. It is crucial to see with a sense of compassion and to comprehend that just because people are suffering does not mean they lack dignity.
Over the past 35 years, my work as a photojournalist has taken me to other countries to document wars, uprisings, natural disasters and global health crises. In revisiting my own country I discovered a national nightmare. But the people living through it aren’t deviants. They are ordinary citizens, our neighbors, our family members. I don’t think I met one user whom I would consider to be a bad person. No one wants to be an addict.
I also saw signs of hope, particularly from the people who are dealing with the crisis at the street level. Some of them are former users who have lifted themselves up and are using their experience to help others. They are refusing to allow our country to be defined by this problem. Instead, they are helping us define ourselves by finding solutions. We must join them.
前两天research公司时了解到美国的incarceration问题，看似美好的、只有找工作谈恋爱才是大问题的这个世界，灰暗的角落太多了。一边震惊、心痛，一边暗自庆幸，一边为自己不齿。我是一个无知的、渺小的人，有着生涩的勇气和良知，想要在年轻的时候，看到更多这样的报道，想要听到四面八方传来的声音，了解真实的世界，并试着给它一个拥抱。
We must join them.
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