I usually make my annual review before the last day of that year, or around. It's my first time to do my work even after the Lunar NEW YEAR's DAY.
我常常在公历年末做年终总结，抑或是那几天附近。但我今年一直拖到了年后。
In these domestic days, doing nothing, lying on a bed, watching stupid cartoons , or shows, or TV dramas occupied most of my time, and obviously I easily forgot them right after I watched. So I learned nothing , and naturally there is nothing useful for me right now. And when I decided to start writing this, it still took me days to have the ball to face my terrible situation.
在家这几天，整天躺着看番看剧无所事事，而我看完就忘，而且从那当中本来也学不到什么当下有用的东西。而且我是如此怯弱以至于一拖再拖才敢正视自己的问题。
I still can't believe I have dropped downward so deep, just like that kind of figure I hated before. I've been losing my control, passion, determination, sense, courage, will to fight, fearing to face the difficulties in my life, delaying all the stuff. I can't force myself to sleep early, I can't stop myself playing video games, I can't help to pay piles of bills on food 'cuz I enjoy the instant delight it brought to me, even if I've been telling myself to go to canteen all the time. I'm sleepy all the time, cheating myself for nothing to do, but actually there is. I can't live up to other's promise, expectation, especially from my parents. I screw things up. And I keep lying to myself, though I've been talking people for that. I've said I'm gonna work out someday but so far I've never made a move.
至今无法相信历经三年自己堕落至此，已成当年最恶之人。一直在失去自控力，激情，决心，理性，勇气和奋斗的意志，怯于钻研，拖沓不前。熬夜，沉迷游戏，贪食鲜肥滋味，昏昏沉沉，自欺欺人。搞砸一切，辜负友人家人师长。
I may be seen as some kind of jerk 'cuz in some people's eyes, I'm doing well in study, participating in voluntary works willingly, beloved by friends, but still, I keep telling people how bad I am, how beyond cure I've been. But here is the truth, I failed at important time all the time, I never pity myself for failing cuz I deserve that. I clearly know I did nothing and that is what I ought to get , nothing. There may be some milestones aside the road like national scholarship or something, but it's just the fruit for my previous work. And I have a death spot, I get satisfied, not proud, too easily, which may be good for the elder, but the contrary for the working youth. It means once I get something wonderful, I'll fail it before long. I know it sounds bitchy, but I am not able to figure it out how that happened for years.
他人视我如混蛋，尚能玩弄学业，公益，人情，而整日杞人忧天。然能自知者仅己也，强弩之末，无力回天。事已至此，从不自惜，祥察之，皆为因果。或有小钱，皆出前缘。达而满，戮而休，此为贱性，然除之弗能。
Maybe it's because I don't like changes, and I prefer the comfort zone, that's why I'm going down. I want to be a fighter, but I'm only sometimes, and it's usually in a crisis. I tend to cheat myself and stop working hard, stay at ease when I'm "almost" there. And that is where tragedy happens. As all these I assume, it still can't save me from the loop.
或因贪图安逸，自甘堕落，危难而后起。或因差求不多，失之毫厘。坐视不能，改亦不能。
People do their jobs better under pressure. People finish their work right before the deadline. People won't change. I give up my German learning and second major this year. My initiative purpose is to spare more time for my study. But I finally found out I killed them with those useless stuff. I have made this mistake before, but I'm used to forget. At least I learn it again.
Life is a challenge. Life is a struggle. Life is a suffer. But life is never an enjoyable vacation. I have no idea what I've done in my past life, but I willingly accept all the consequences and retribution. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO FIX YOUR WRONGS. Same to me.
Let me look through my year below.
I tried 3 courses relevant to Economics, doing it surprisingly great.
I was acknowledged of a great teacher who's teaching Manufacturing Tech.
I still did well in Electro and Mechanics.
I was awarded with national scholarship and 3-g-s model for sophomore year.
I had an unforgettable trip with my friends in Chongqing.
I revealed one of my roommate's truly being.
I caught chicken pox after double-eleven.
I did nearly no sports in the second half of the year.
I did bad in Mechanical Theory, Thermodynamics and Control Engineering in the second half year.
I bought my parents an Air Purifier.
I read a bunch of useless books.
I failed in Math Competition.
I'm still struggling in other two.
I knew some interesting freshmen.
I left YVAM.
I made it becoming a formal CPC member.
I can ride a bicycle now.
...
Heaven knows I tried. And I'll keep trying ever.
GOD BLESS ME. GOD BLESS US ALL.
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