I don’t know what exactly am I looking for. But I’m really really wish there is a YOU here. Thought I’m seeking for the sweet love and warm so urgently, I still can’t stand with the stupid logical mistakes in the romantic fictions.
Anyway, I should had been home now, I was supposed to be there, but I wasn't. Instead, I lied in bed the whole day and dreaming, imagining, sleeping, watching meaningless videos and fictions. I didn’t do anything that should had been done. I didn’t tidy my room, didn’t do the laundry or wash the dishes, didn’t wash the cat, didn’t go home.
Father called me, he asked when would I arrive, he thought I would go home today. I said I was not going home, he didn't asked anything else, but I know he and mother was waiting for me. I feel so terrible, but I can’t get rip off that awful state. I cry and feel so empty yet also so restless. It seems like the bed is a cage, I was stuck in it.
I know I wish to be loved, but I also know that love isn’t the only thing I want, nor the most important thing for me.
There're always sometimes that I don’t wanna talk to anyone. My small comfortable room is like a cozy coffin, quiet, isolated, safe and stiff.
Awful, life is awful.
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