小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲足坛精彩看点层出不穷，阿森纳和利物浦的焦点之战最终以平局告终，皇马终结联赛五轮不胜颓势，而曼联、曼城、切尔西和巴萨等球队也纷纷赢球。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！
米尔纳拉卡泽特进球，阿森纳1-1利物浦
Shadowoak(未知主队球迷)：这比赛才看了35分钟，吓得我阳寿都快折了5年了…我的小心脏啊！(Only 35' in already shaved off 5 years off my life. My heart!)
Mooud00(利物浦球迷)：那说明你看利物浦的比赛还不够多…(It seems that you didn’t watch too many Liverpool games.)
REDxSAM(未知主队球迷)：下次特朗普再想在墨西哥边境修隔离墙，那不如就直接把莱诺放在那里得了，因为他本身就是一堵墙！(Next time Trump want to keep Mexican out just drop Leno in because my man is a fucking WALL.)
Johnnyseattle(利物浦球迷)：我还是更喜欢那个比较菜鸡的阿森纳…(I liked Arsenal more when they were underachieving.)
AleDelPiero10(尤文球迷)：范戴克这大胸停球的技能，怕是连巅峰的格策也比不上他…(VVD has a better chest touch even than peak Goetze.)
bo-tvt(阿森纳球迷)：每次我们在对方禁区前围攻10分钟都不进球的时候，就会立刻被对方反击进一个….(It's always when we play in the opponent's third for 10 minutes without scoring, we will concede from the very next attack.)
EasyLif3(未知主队球迷)：每次都有这么多球要去捡，阿森纳主场的场地管理员得付多少钱才能雇得起啊！(Whatever Arsenal’s groundsman is getting paid, it isn’t enough. Too many balls for them to pick up.)
REDxSAM(未知主队球迷)：克洛普好像都想把自己换上场，然后去给法比尼奥一拳把他打醒！(Klopp is about to sub himself on so he can suplex Fabinho to get him off asap.)
拉什福德绝杀，曼联2-1伯恩茅斯
Jassiexgill(阿森纳球迷)：这比赛算是不错的开胃菜，接下来就要去看我厂的小可爱们被利物浦的大肌霸爆锤啦！(This game is a nice appetizer before I get to see the boys get shaken down and smacked by Liverpool’s big cock later.)
Kiyomidesune(曼联球迷)：解说员还说这不是曼联应有的表现，我想说的是，我都习惯曼联这样的表现了…(commentator "this is not a Manchester United performance so far". I dunno, seems pretty typical to me.)
_Ultimatum_ (未知主队球迷)：拉什福德这么多射门角度，为啥每次都挑唯一一个射不进的去踢…(Rashford kicked it the one place he had to avoid.)
Elemayowe(曼联球迷)：卢卡库曾说过他会亲自帮助拉什福德加练射门，也许这就是拉师傅不能射的原因吧…(Lukaku: “I give Rashford extra finishing lessons after training” It all makes sense why Rashford missed now.)
Stukya(利物浦球迷)：从比赛数据上看，伯恩茅斯就像是顶级球队一样…(Those Match stats make it look like Bournemouth were massively on top.)
Mr_Lich12(曼城球迷)：美国转播这比赛插播的广告竟然是宣传移民给美国带来的危害，可在美国看足球比赛最多的不正是移民么…(That American Ad for protecting America from immigrants lol, I bet most of audients for football matches are immigrants.)
拉莫斯点射，皇马2-0巴拉多利德
Cr7godlike(未知主队球迷)：皇马球员已经开始传中了，大家都在等C罗过来顶头球呢！(Madrid player are crossing ball, hoping that Ronaldo would suddenly appear.)
Denzema123(皇马球迷)：本泽马射门的时候别瞄大门了，干脆就瞄着天上踢吧，说不定这样就能进了…(Benzema could have shot that ball to the sky instead of the inside of the net, maybe it would work.)
fuckthisshit0102(西班牙球迷)：拉莫斯踢右后卫的时候，巴萨对位的先是小罗后是亨利。后来踢中后卫了，结果又碰上了踢伪九号的梅西和正统九号的苏神，这搁谁不得做噩梦啊…(First Ronaldinho and then Henry when Ramos was RB, then Messi (false 9) and Suarez , damn he must have some nightmares.)
LiamGallagher10(未知主队球迷)：这才刚刚换完帅，维尼修斯的出场时间就已经超过在洛佩特吉手下的出场时间总和了…(According to the stats, Vinicius is already going to play more time with the new coach than with Lopetegui.)
苏神绝杀，巴萨3-2巴列卡诺
TheMountain(皇马球迷)：万万没想到，巴列卡诺也有了虐皇马5个球的水平…. (hard to believe even Vallecano seems to be able to defeat us with 5 goals.)
mikelin52(巴列卡诺球迷)：其实我们的梦想是有朝一日也能赢皇马一次10-2…(To be honest we also want a 10-2 to you some day…)
elizarrj(巴萨球迷)：当你有皮神锋陷阵杀敌的时候，谁还需要梅西呢？(Who needs Messi back when you’ve got in form Striker Pique.)
Bassfaceapollo(巴萨球迷)：直到终场哨响我都不敢松开菊花，现在我终于理解利物浦球迷的感受了…(Didn't unclench your butt until the final whistle, now I know what those Liverpool fans meant.)
酣畅淋漓，曼城6-1南安普顿
TechnoPug(南安普顿球迷)：至少我们的后卫可是得到了张免费的门票去看强队踢球！(my club’s defenders got a free ticket to see a great team at least.)
sanjeet94(切尔西球迷)：要不中场就直接结束比赛吧，大家都节约点时间…(Just end the game at Halftime and save everybody's time.)
Wingardium(纽卡斯尔球迷)：住手啊曼城，他们已经死了！(City, stop pls they are already dead…)
Meteorite(南安普顿球迷)：乐观点看，降级的话至少就不会再踢曼城了…(On the upside, once we get relegated we won't have to play City again!)
莫拉塔佩德罗进球，切尔西3-1水晶宫
MorgratiosFT(切尔西球迷)：现在我们可以说是伦敦城老大了！(We are dominating London now.)
Cr7godlike(葡萄牙球迷)：我早就知道，皇马真正失去的是莫拉塔而不是C罗！(So it is Morata what Madrid is missing ,not Ronaldo ,always knew that.)
nate517(切尔西球迷)：现在我们只需要再进十几个球就能追上曼城啦！(Only need 10 more to try and make up Citys.)
WakeUpKevinMiller(巴萨球迷)：一支球队整场都在阳痿，而换上阿扎尔后10分钟就能射两次，赶紧把他藏起来别让皇马看见…(So a team that looks impotent all game only needs 10 minutes of Hazard to score twice? Keep that man the fuck away from Madrid please.)
好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们下期不见不散！
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