I have always had some version of a bucket list — road trips I wanted to take, skills I wanted to master, professional achievements to hit. With life on uneasy pause early in the pandemic, though, there wasn’t much I could do to make progress toward a lot of those someday goals. I could only stew over the things I wasn’t doing.
Then I realized: The stewing wasn’t anything new. The bucket list wasn’t inspiring; it was draining.
It had always been draining.
Even those of us who don’t identify as planners thrive on plans. It’s the way our brains are built: Anticipating the future is the psychological equivalent of taking our vitamins, a nourishing activity that makes us healthier and more resilient. And we all have things we’d like our future selves to accomplish, even if we aren’t actively working toward them right now: Maybe you want to learn photography, or travel to Japan, or write a book, or jump out of an airplane.
But sometimes our dreams and aspirations can be more distracting than motivating. It’s hard to find any joy in the present moment if you’re constantly in search of the next thing. Sure, there are some items on your to-do list that may be more of a priority to your present happiness, like quitting a bad job or ending a toxic relationship — but then there are those “someday” goals that end up lingering over your lifetime, constantly reminding you of all the things you haven’t done and may never do.
They become emblems of guilt, anxiety, and hustle. You’ve heard the cliché a million times: “Live each day like it’s your last.” As the writer and nurse Leanne Delle points out in her TED Talk, it’s actually kind of bad advice: It implies you have to beat the clock, and most of us already feel overwhelmed to the point of apathy because we’re so aware of our race against time.
There are other, better ways to think about your goals.
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