it's not easy to say i love you

six minths ago, i adopted a white kitty.

it's not easy to say i love you

very cute ha? yeah, he was cute. just when i dreamed about our happy time together, my nightmare started. for very beginning days, he yewlled all the whole night. i thought it might be the reason he hadn't adapted his new living environment. i showed my tolerance towards him. i still imagined our happy future. but wait, after a month, he still yewlled all through the night. at that time, it was spring, so my common sense told me that he was in oestrus. so i  forgave him. i still trust him would give me a perfect happy time.

but after spring, we moved to summer, he still yewlled and even started to hit my bedroom door. here is the regular thing he did every day. before 2pm, he slept on my bed, then he yewlled to go outside my bedroom. after 5pm, he yewlled again to ask to sleep on my bed again.

therefore, i had a deep conversation with him.

i sad: hey, kitty how can i make you not yewlling in the night, if you let me sleep without waking up, i promise you the little dried fish.

kitty: miao miao～ 

i said: a deal?

kitty: miao miao~

i said: deal

my good sleep time was around to come.but he still yewlled. i got very angry. "hey， kitty how can you betry your promise. how can i love you if you can not let me sleep"

he turned his back to me. as i thought i have done a lot of things for him, feeding hom, showering him, and handling his poo poo, what he wanted from me. i can not give more.

so i decided to send him to my parents home that i can have a good rest. but just on the way, he broke the prison and run away. at that moment, i knew i lost him.

when i back to chengdu, when i flicked our photos, when i thought of our days, i knew i was wrong, i just thought i had done so many things for him, but never paused to ask what he really wanted.

before he was a street cat, and he might starve for a long time, and he must be very sensitive and what he needes most might be the safety. but those i never cared about towards him.

so i started to ask my questions. have you ever tried to stand in other people's shoes before you made the judgement? have you ever measured if your doing really out of the really needs? or maybe you just saw what you have done instead of what you were expected done.

few monthes ago, i had one relationship. we started very rufflely and ended also veey rufflely? i thought i love him and i sacrificed all my leasure time to him. i did not ask him to do anything for me, never spent his money. all of that were all my thought. i never asked what he expected from me?

after breakup, i knew he wanted trust and accertainty, which were also my expectation. but both of us failed to give to each other.

i love my kitty, but in a my way not his way.

now i get to know that its not easy to say love someone, because actually i just love in my way, i thought i love him. i need to think if my love is exactly what he wants?

love is the only thing that holds the darkness at the bay. but i need to add if this love not in right way, love itself could be the darlness.

i want to make it easy to say love. so i learn to stand in their shoes to love. thank you