Lifequakes II

Lifequakes force us to reevaluate what makes our lives meaningful.

Lifequakes are so disorientating because they shatter the stories we’ve always told ourselves about our lives. People who pride themselves on being a part of a happy family are left at a loss when their partners file for divorce. Career professionals who get their sense of pride from accomplishments at work are left reeling when fired from their jobs.

To cope with a lifequake, we need to be able to craft narratives that can encompass the complexity of these transitions in our lives.

How do we do that? Well, to start, we need to get a better sense of what drives us. What makes us feel like our lives are rich, meaningful, and worth living? The answer will differ from one person to another.

From his research, Bruce identified what he calls the “ABC of meaning.” In this case, ABC stands for autonomy, belonging, and cause. For some people, having a sense of independence and being in control of their lives is the most important driver of the decisions they make. For others, having a sense of belonging within a community is most important. Those who are motivated by a cause feel that their lives are only really meaningful when they are contributing to a bigger mission, and helping to improve the world.

Lifequakes strike at the heart of what we believe brings our lives meaning and they force us to reevaluate our choices. For example, a prima ballerina who had always prized herself on her autonomy and ambition was forced to change careers after an injury. She now works as a life coach, and has found a sense of purpose in helping others. A mother who had dedicated her life to raising her kids was spurred into pursuing a career in another state when a lifequake revealed that she wasn’t actually satisfied being a stay-at-home mom. And a man abandoned a promising country music career to become a preacher.

These transformations are referred to as shape-shifting. Instead of trying to “recover” from a lifequake and make everything go back to “normal,” we can decide to go in another direction and completely transform the trajectory of our lives.