The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson

Part 1 Q&A

1. How would you define “failure”?

Failure itself is a relative concept. Like most people have their own metric, like to find a decent serious job could pay some bills right out of school, but the reality is contrast maybe is a failure.

2. How failures could be a blessing in disguise? Please include a story of yours.

Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something.

Last year, I scored the marks with IELTS test were not up to standard. The time was not enough for preparing next IELTS test. My dad suggested to me was not suitable to prepare. I have the same thought with my dad. Now, I'm happy to learn English in my ways rather than just for the test.

3. Who/What made us tend to avoid failure?

A lot of this fear of failure comes from having chosen shitty values. Shitty values, as we saw in chapter 4, involve tangible external goals outside of our control.

4.  Do you have any “VCR quesitons”? And what are they?

My "VCR questions" is "how do I lose weight". I so happy that I have been starting to do it for one month, but another question is "how to persist without losing enthusiasm?".

5. Have you done “do something” recently?  or are you going to do some “do something”?

I have attended a financial management class and learned a lot how to manage my money more rationally. I want to attend a writing class next month, and I prepare for this.

Part 2 My ideas

A lot of this fear of failure comes from having chosen shitty values. For instance, if I measure myself by the standard “Make everyone I meet like me,” I will be anxious, because failure is 100 percent defined by the actions of others, not by my own actions. I am not in control; thus my self-worth is at the mercy of judgments by others.

我以前真的有这样的心态，希望刚认识的人都喜欢我，反之会很伤心（玻璃心哈哈哈？）。在这章节很高兴能看到我的“影子”，因为只有这样我才会改掉以前的shitty values，不断进步。不仅这一章节，这本书看到一半也能从中发现自己的问题，以前婆婆妈妈什么都要管，同学之类的问题总要插手，发现这样很累，觉得不能用自己的价值观去评判别人的价值观；以前觉得失败是个很失败的经历，会丢面子，不要让别人觉得你不好，之后只能隐藏自己。说到失败，让我想起了放弃。有人说放弃也是一门艺术，合理的放弃可能会开出另一条成功大道。当时我考雅思，分数出来了却离目标分差0.5，但如果在再准备只有2周不到的时间。可能平时在公众号看太多类似“超短时间达到目标分的学姐”，“两周或三周的逆袭雅思”文章推送，如果自己不去冲刺就岂不是被别人看作是不想努力的人？其实自己已经不想考了。我现在我很庆幸我自己当时放弃两周冲刺考雅思，我现在找到适合我自己的英语学习方法，而且人的心情也变好了（考雅思的时候简直就是天天来例假）。不是每个人都适合这样的冲刺达到目标分数，就算我真的达到目标分数我就能在在国外零障碍能听懂外国人说什么吗？显然不是，我更情愿去读语言班反而对我帮助更大。分数没达标可能被录取的机率比达标的雅思分数稍低，但我不后悔而且我对我自己的作品集抱有信心。好吧我又想了，有人会觉得我是在为我的失败找理由，那关你什么事呢？

Part 3 Expression

He was nonchalant about the whole thing, drawing whatever amused him in that moment—kind of.....

nonchalant: relaxed and not worried about anything

相似的词：casual, insouciant，unconcerned

e.g. Here's power on a horse, the omnipotence of the ruler displayed by nonchalant control, Just one hand on the reins.  ---艺术的力量--毕加索

The woman’s head jolted back as if he had just flung a brick at her. “What? It took you like two minutes to draw that.”

jolt: to give someone a sudden shock or surprise

e.g. Her sharp words seemed to jolt him out of his depression.

类似的词：bump，shock

It’s easy to look back at my parents’ generation and chuckle at their technophobia.

chuckle: to laugh quietly （主要用于在想到搞笑的事情而笑，或者读到什么书而笑）

类似的词：laugh, giggle(尴尬的，紧张的笑）

Or the single mother whose now-adult kids have finished school and are loafing around on her couch, eating her food, spending her money, not respecting her space or her desire for privacy.

loaf around 游手好闲

e.g. Well said. If one loafs around without being serious in doing things, nothing great will come to them