This semester, □I have been moving from a relatively mindset to maturity and stability, which is related to some of my own experiences and also to the major courses. After the passing of time, this noblel thought of helping people find the meaning of life has entered my blood and can naturally emerge.
In elementary school, □my teachers and classmates taught me how to think and be a person from a utilitarian perspective,□ and no matter how good my grades or awards were, my future interests were still worthful of worrying. In short, I have been anxious about tomorrow for my whole life. □So I always thought that a child coming to this world was forced, being born is a punishment, because they will just wait for the end of a tormented life, and finally, able to be liberated. □The biggest change that the big course has brought to me is learning to see beauty,having the corage to look towards the future, and not struggling with how to live on the level of emotions.□
If it weren’t for the course, I might not have been able to think about the fundamental question of "who I am, where I come from, and where I am going" at the level of meaning. □From childhood to adulthood, I have been suppressing my emotions and feelings, and feeling extremely insecure. I have been timid and hesitant towards anyone, and have done countless things to prevent them from being unhappy. A single word from others can affect me for a long time. □The most important thing is that I am most afraid of others not understanding me,I think and judge when I do not understand the real me.
But because of the major curriculum of □Confucius, □Mencius, and□ Yangming,□ I have learned to constantly return to myself to find a foundation. I started to truly focus on myself, rather than the world around me. Gradually, I learned to trust myself instead of being overly emotional. I had the courage not to cater to others, not to be understood or liked by others. When I have opinions, I learn to stand up and express myself instead of obeying, so finally, I start speaking up for myself. I believe that everyone should have the courage to be misunderstood and the courage to speak out for that wish in their hearts.□
So now, I realize that growth is about experiencing a lot of influences on the inner world, experiencing some reflection, some pain, some deep thinking and exploration, which is created by the sedimentation of time. People need to constantly grow, and don't be afraid of pain □-Yangming also realized his "conscience" in the midst of a hundred deaths and thousands difficulties, when I was most conflicted and was in the most confused view of life, It's also when my growth milestone arrives. I can always hold an open and longing heart for light, with my own interpretation and expectations for each day,full of love. After all,what is the meaning of life if one has never grown?
□In short, now, with the guidance of these role models, I willve no fear the difficulties of the present, so I will live happily. However, at the same time, I will also pursue the future with worries due to the limited life and the longing for meaning.
这个学期，我从比较幼稚的心态不断走向成熟稳重，这跟我自己经历的一些事情有关，也跟大课程有关。经过时间的沉淀，这种高贵的，帮助人寻找生活的意义的思想，进入我的血液，并以一种自然而然的方式流露。
小学时，身边的老师和同学教给我的就是□如何以功利的角度思考问题和做人，□并且不管有多好的成绩，得多少的奖项，未来的利益仍然让人忧虑。总之，就是一生都在为明天焦虑。□所以我一直以为一个孩子来到这个人间是被逼迫的，是一种惩罚，等待煎熬的一生的结束，就终于可以解放了。而大课程对我最大的改变就是学会看到美好，敢于看向未来，不在利益和情感层面纠结于如何活着。而是在意义层面做出选择。
如果不是大课程，我可能根本就无法在意义层面思考“我是谁，从哪里来，到哪里去”这个根本大问题。从小到大我都在压抑自己的情绪和感受并极度自卑，对任何一个人都畏畏缩缩，为了不让对方不开心做了无数事情，别人的一句话可以影响我好久。最重要的是，我最惧怕他人的不理解，在不了解真实的我时去思考和评判。因为大课程，因为孔子、孟子、阳明这些榜样，我学会不断返回自身来寻找根基。我开始真正把重点放在自己身上，而不是我周围的世界。渐渐地，我学会了自我信任，而不在情感层面过分纠结，我有勇气不去迎合别人，有勇气不被别人理解，不被别人喜欢。在我有意见的时候，我学会站出来，去表达，而不是服从，我终于开始为自己发声。我认为，每一个人都应该有被不理解的勇气，有为心中那个愿望发声的勇气。
所以，现在，我意识到，成长，就是经历很多外界对内心的影响，经历一些反思，一些痛，一些深度的思考探索，由时间的沉淀所造就的，人需要就不断的成长，不要惧怕痛苦——阳明先生也是在百死千难中才悟得“良知”，而我自己最矛盾，对生活的看法最悲观和迷茫的时候，也是我巨大成长节点到来的时候。我可以永远怀着一颗打开的，向往光明的心，对每一天都有一个自己的解读和期待，抱着满满的热爱。如果人生下来从来都没有成长过，那人生又有什么意义呢？
总之，现在，因为有了这些榜样的引导，我不会惧怕当下的困难，所以“快乐”地活在当下，但同时，也会因为生命的有限和对理想的向往，而“忧患”地追寻未来
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