Do you treat your friends better than you treat yourself? When a friend screws something up, you probably say, “Don’t be too hard on yourself.” But what do you say to yourself in a similar situation?
Our self-talk is often much more critical than the way we would talk to a friend. I used to be like that. If I made the smallest mistake, like forgetting to close a window or something dumb like that, I would say, “This is really stupid. How can you forget to close your window? Well, say goodbye to your stuff. Someone will steal everything.”
The weird thing is that we’re often relaxed in our interactions with friends or co-workers, but supercritical the closer people become to us. The way we treat others (and ourselves) looks something like this:
- Strangers and acquaintances: Polite behavior, but other than that distant because we don’t know them.
- Friends and co-workers: Polite and helpful behavior, trying to support them.
- Family, partner, children: More critical of them because we assume they will take everything.
- Self: All kinds of behavior, from being critical to aggressive towards ourselves.
We need to flip this whole dynamic. Let’s treat ourselves like the way we treat our friends. And let’s do the same with our loved ones. It’s something I’m constantly working on as someone who’s naturally critical.
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