我喜欢的播客

听播客也是一个最近几年才发生的事情，最初由于看到了随机波动的文章，才开始听这个节目，由此又在spotify上面订阅了一系列其它的播客。也是由于随机波动，我和乐园开始了我们的播客-不成气候。在乐园的介绍下，我知道了小宇宙app，目前小宇宙是一个体验最好的听播客的app，有shownote，还可以留言互动，并且之前喜欢的英文播客也都可以获取。

最近，我把spotify上面订阅的所有播客都转移到了小宇宙上。超级喜欢这个订阅的界面，好像是自己的徽章。

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目前最喜欢的播客是：

1. 道长（梁文道）的八分
   道长是在锵锵三人行中爱上的，喜欢他的众多理由中最主要的是他读很多书且聊哲学。 读书和哲学也是我最爱的东西。能听到他推荐很多有趣的书，聊聊哲学，实在是太快乐。越是长大，我就越讨厌虚伪做作媚俗煽情。而道长就是那种我喜欢的不虚伪的人。

我觉得修行最主要学的就是怎么样继续保留这个感觉：就是每天在做事，但同时觉得这都不是真的，不是必然的、必要的。

我很讨厌回头看自己。在我看来，这就像一个人老照镜子一样。很变态。

我讨厌一切让我联想到很自恋的东西。你写过的东西，你做过的东西，它有那么重要吗？它并没有那么重要，它譬如蜉蝣。

但是我现在也在反省，这么讨厌自恋，恰恰就是因为我把自己看得很重。
我常常感觉到自己的虚伪，感觉到自己的下流和无耻这种焦虑感，总让我考虑到这个世界上有没有所谓绝对正确的东西。绝大部分的公共知识分子，不会有这种怀疑。我觉得公知让人受不了的地方就是：他凭什么觉得对什么事情都能说上一番话，他凭什么觉得自己对什么事情都有立场，而公众又为什么认为你既然身为一个作家、身为一个知识分子、一个读书人，你就该对很多事情都要有立场，凭什么？

2. Modern Love是根据The New York Times 纽约时报的专栏Modern Love 中的故事出的。会先读故事，然后主编和写故事的作者聊一下故事的后续。听Modern Love的播客其实是源于电视剧Modern Love，这个电视剧也是因为纽约时报的专栏而拍摄的。第一季共有八集，每一集都是一个关于爱的独立小故事。印象最深刻的是安妮海瑟薇演的关于bipolar的故事，还有一对同性恋夫妇找人代孕的故事。看完后，一天和朋友Claudia散步聊天说到了这个剧集。她说，她并不知道这个剧集，但是她一直有阅读Modern Love的专栏，非常喜欢。于是我也开始关注这个专栏。就发现了它的播客。目前最喜欢的一期是Security in a Bright Yellow Suitcase 是Mad Man中演Jone的演员读的，很喜欢她的声音。这个故事，也给我强烈的共鸣。是一个关于安全感，脆弱，和边界感的故事。

My suitcase contains little pots of beauty products, sample-size toothpaste and my shampoo in T.S.A.-approved three-ounce bottles. I have a folding hair dryer, folding toothbrush and a folding dopp kit to keep everything organized.

My heels and sneakers complement each other’s shape in one corner of the suitcase, with my delicate blouses tightly rolled in the other, as I must be prepared for morning meetings, happy hours, dinner plans and snuggle sessions. Ultimately, I aspire to pack everything I need without suggesting he is my “everything.”

I think of that past as I make timid movements toward a new life with someone else. This time, I have made it easy to round up my things and leave quickly, always one bag away from walking out the door.

For me, there was comfort in that, in having nothing to tie me down, nothing too big to remove at a moment’s notice should we decide we don’t want this anymore. There is no painted canvas hanging over our bed, only a travel-size shampoo in his shower that serves as an act of hope for one more day just like the one before, and the one before that.

黄色的行李箱是作者的安全感，是她随时随地可以离开一段让她不适的关系的提醒。这是我之前在感情关系中十分缺乏的。我想，让人生变得简单的做法就是，做那些让自己快乐的事情，只留下让自己快乐的感情。

Unlike me, my boyfriend is an eternal optimist. He is unscarred and without a broken heart to reference. As I leave each item behind with hesitation, he welcomes it with confidence. His enthusiasm is both endearing and naïve.

If he only knew how hard it was to piece my life back together after I returned to New York City from my breakup, my life divided. And here I am, either a total fool or a total romantic, dividing it all back up again.

It fit only the essentials: my lip balm, credit cards and an extra pair of underwear (just in case). It was a fraction of the size of my usual overnight tote and incapable of holding multiple outfits. It had no wheels, nothing close to a 50-pound capacity. But just like him, it had traveled across the world for me, much farther than my commutes across Manhattan.

It seemed as if he just wanted to take the weight off my shoulders.

So I let him.