Hello everyone, this is Helen Huang @ Organizing, based in Beijing, China. In order to better learn and practice the YiXiaoNeng Time Management System, after finished publishing 100 Chinese articles, I decided to continue writing and publishing a daily English article in another 100 days based on the "YeWuBin Time Management 100 Episodes" audio program. Today is the 172nd day.
Today's topic is: How to be a Winner in Life
Today, we will begin a new topic-----interpersonal efficiency.
I once read a famous book: Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People which was originally published in 1936. Carnegie said, 85% of your financial success is due to your personality and your ability to communicate, negotiate and lead. Shockingly, only 15% is due to technical knowledge.
Previously, I shared with you the "Method to Happiness" which comes from Harvard University. It has changed my life. The method of happiness explains that we shouldn't pursue wealth, reputation and a beautiful appearance. Instead, we should pay attention to personal and professional improvement and contributing to people and society.
In fact, contribution to people and society can be collectively called building interpersonal relationships. We tend to surround ourselves with friends and colleagues and therefore we have strong connections and relationships immediately surrounding us. However, we often have weak connections with society at large, including our attempts to give back to society.
Therefore, we can divide interpersonal connections into two parts: a strong close network of friends and colleagues and usually a weaker connection with the society that we live in. Essentially, the key to overall success is our ability to build and maintain interpersonal relationships. This is the point that I just can't stress enough.
I've mentioned before that it's much better to focus on one thing rather than split your attention on many different things. Devote your life to something and it will reward you immensely. On the contrary, if you focus on many things and only get a small return for each of them, you will not gain so much from it. Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett, Bill Gates ...... some of the most successful men on this planet, they all tell us to focus on one thing. Focus is the key.
So if we think about this focus, how does this translate into obtaining success in life? First, you must find a lifelong interest and call it your own, then develop that advantage and use it to contribute to the society. Use the advantage to contribute to the society.
Peter Drucker, the father of management, said that the sole purpose of a business is to create a customer need and then fill it. Creat the need and fill it. He then said this should apply equally to society. Create a need in socity and provide it, provie that need to others. Though he was talking about businesses, the same is true for a person. The true purpose for our time here on earth is to serve others using our unique strength. And while we are serving others, we can use efficient execution to achieve wealth and freedom from time constraints.
So, today, I will talk a little more about interpersonal relationships.
Not only is, like Drucker says, interpersonal effectiveness more important than our technical skills, but it is actually the soil that we use to cultivate and grow our special talent or ability. In other words, interpersonal effectiveness will take us further in business and relationships than any technical ability we have.
Let's look at a few examples to make this clearer. 76 years ago, Harvard University began a 75 year longitudinal research study on adults called the Grant Study. In the study, they began following 268 men from their childhood years through to old age – the longest such study ever undertaken. Their goal was to explore and understand the key elements that affect happiness in people's lives.
One of the questions they wanted to answer was what kind of people are successful in life？Who are the winners and more importantly, why?
First, they had to define what a winner actually is and the criteria they came up with was very specific. The professor who directed the study said that the winners in life have ten abilities.
Of the ten standards of abilities:
· Two were related to earning money
· Four were related to a healthy lifestyle both in mind and body
· The last four were related to effective relationships and social support.
This report which originally came from the People's Daily explained that these men were followed and monitored very closely for many years. They watched as the group experienced World War II, the Great Depression and recovery and the great Recession of 2008. The men experienced marriage, divorce, business promotions and demotions, job layoffs and job changes, failure, comebacks, love, love lost … all of it.
They found that some were able to recover after setbacks while others couldn't. They found that some were able to retire and spend their final years in financial comfort, while others had to work until their last days in life. Some lived with good health throughout their lives, while others saw their health steadily decline until they died young.
In the end, several of the 268 men emerged very successful including four men who ran for the United States senate, one American state governor, and even an American president---John F. Kennedy.
So what were the conclusions from this great study?
First, they found that the following factors have little to do with success as defined by the ten dimensions mentioned a few minutes ago.
These had little effect.
1) Physical ability, attraction or manliness...... these had no influence whatsoever on success and happiness.
2) Intelligence does have an impact on success but only to a certain point. Once a person's IQ exceeds 110, it ceases to have any additional impact on success, and 110 is the average IQ for most people.
3) Income and socio-economic status have a very small impact;
4) Whether you are introverted or extroverted was of little consequence;
5) Whether you have had to deal with depression is of little effect.
The ten abilities have real influences, and the factors can help you to march toward prosperous life. Here is what they found did have a profound effect on success:
1) The winners did not drink or smoke.
2) They exercised and maintained a healthy weight throughout their life.
3) They experienced childhoods filled with love.
4) And more importantly, they develop the skills with empathy, emotional connection, and intimate relationships. They created these relationships at a young age and then continued to create intimate, healthy, giving relationships throughout life.
This point is worth repeating: intelligence, physical ability, fame, power, wealth – none of these made a difference. In the end what matters most, what creates success in your life in the areas that matter: wealth, health, and happiness came down to your ability to create good relationships ... warm, positive relationships… caring relationships with others.
We've been working together now for 70 lessons. This is actually the 72nd lesson if you've been listening from the start. Have you been gradually building these habits and incorporating them into your own life?
I've talked many times about the Yixiaoneng method of transforming your habits to incorporate the online life rather than the offline life. Remember the offline life is formed by bad habits, and the online life is formed by good habits.
The offline life is characterized by low efficiency resulting in no time to exercise, and build and maintain strong emotional and social connections. That's so important to success. In other words, friendships! Family bonds! Spousal love! These things are the most important things.
The online life is formed by good habits, finishing tasks efficiently, and devoting time and energy to our physical and mental health… to developing our emotional and social relationships and to giving back to society, to making others' lives better and making them more successful.
Do you want to be a winner? Do you want to be a success? Do you want to be happy? Then improve just a little in each day. Give others a little just each day. Build relationship just a little each day. In the end, you will be a winner. In the end, you will have success. And in the end, you will be happy. You have happiness.
That's all sharing today. Thank you being with me together. Have a wonderful day!
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