Psychiatrists who work with older parents say that maturity can be an asset in child rearing - older parents are more thoughtful, use less physical discipline and spend more time with their children. But raising kids takes money and energy. Many older parents find themselves balancing their limited financial resources, declining energy and failing health against the growing demands of an active child. Dying and leaving young children is probably the older parents' biggest, and often unspoken, fear. Having late-life children, says an economics professor, often means parents, particularly fathers, "end up retiring much later." For many, retirement becomes an unobtainable dream.
与年长父母一起工作的精神病专家说,成熟可以成为养育孩子的一种资产——年长的父母更体贴,较少体育锻炼,花更多的时间陪伴孩子。但是抚养孩子需要金钱和精力,许多年长的父母要在自己有限的经济资源、不断下降的精力和越来越差的健康状况与孩子不断增长的需求之间取得平衡。死去并留下年幼的孩子可能是年长父母不言而喻的最大恐惧。一位经济学教授说,拥有晚育的孩子通常意味着父母,尤其是父亲,“退休的时间要晚得多。”对许多人来说,退休成了一个遥不可及的梦想。
Henry Metcalf, a 54-year-old journalist, knows it takes money to raise kids. But he's also worried that his energy will give out first. Sure, he can still ride bikes with his athletic fifth grader, but he's learned that young at heart doesn't mean young. Lately he's been taking afternoon naps to keep up his energy. "My body is aging," says Metcalf, "You can't get away from that."
54岁的记者亨利·梅特卡夫知道养育孩子需要钱,但他还担心自己的精力会首先耗尽。当然,他仍然可以和运动型的五年级学生一起骑自行车,不过他明白内心的年轻并不意味着年轻。最近他一直坚持午睡以保持精力。“我的身体正在衰老,”梅特卡夫说,“你无法摆脱这一点。”
Often, older parents hear the ticking of another kind of biological clock. Therapists who work with middle-aged and older parents say fears about aging are nothing to laugh at. "They worry they'll be mistaken for grandparents, or that they'll need help getting up out of those little chairs in nursery school," says Joann Galst, a New York psychologist. But at the core of those little fears there is often a much bigger one: "that they won't be alive long enough to support and protect their child," she says.
年长的父母经常听到另一种生物钟的滴答声。与中老年父母一起工作的治疗师表示,对衰老的恐惧没有什么可笑的。纽约心理学家乔安·加尔斯特说:“他们担心自己会被误认为祖父母,或者他们需要帮助才能从幼儿园的小椅子上站起来”。但在这些小的恐惧的核心,往往还有一个更大的恐惧。她说:“如果他们活的时间不够长,将无法支撑和保护他们的孩子。”
Many late-life parents, though, say their children came at just the right time. After marrying late and undergoing years of fertility treatment, Marilyn Nolen and her husband, Randy, had twins. "We both wanted children," says Marilyn, who was 55 when she gave birth. The twins have given the couple what they desired for years, "a sense of family." Kids of older dads are often smarter, happier and more sociable because their fathers are more involved in their lives. "The dads are older, more mature," says Dr. Silber, "and more ready to focus on parenting."
然而,许多老年父母表示,他们的孩子来得正是时候。玛丽莲·诺伦和她的丈夫兰迪晚婚后接受了多年的受孕治疗,生了一对双胞胎。“我们都想要孩子,”玛丽莲说,她生孩子时55岁。这对双胞胎多年来给了这对夫妇他们想要的“家庭感”。年长父亲的孩子往往更聪明、更快乐、更善于交际,因为他们的父亲更多地参与他们的生活。西尔伯博士说:“爸爸们年纪更大,更成熟,更愿意专注于育儿。”
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