When I was suffering from aches and fever, I was easily satisfied and felt content with a good sleep and the prospect of a healthy tomorrow. I didn’t know whether I should be sick constantly if not always because this old friend can remind me of so many things. For example, when I am ill, I can focus on basic things in daily life rather than feeling bothered by so many occurrences beyond or within my control. I realized that I really didn’t need that much to be alive and contented and practice of religion has also become more important for me because I am increasingly aware of the departure from this world and illness can be the rehearsal for death. The world will continue without me and I have always been so insignificant. I failed to understand the reason for my unhappiness, which can mostly attribute to my thinking. If only I could be simple-minded as a patient whose only purpose is to recover or simply live on, life would be much easier and more tolerable perhaps. In contrast, when I am almost healthy, I begin to get busy with all the pursuits: I want to watch sitcoms and movies, I want to eat healthy and nutritious food, I want to select and purchase all the affordable items , I want to find a decent job, I want to please others. There seems to be no ending to this list,which is the script of my lifetime performance. Do I need to be so stressed out? Can I survive without all the material possessions? Can I find happiness without the approval and support from the world? Can I ever reach the ideal state of being a Buddhist? I have been trying to steer the boat of life towards a better port, but what I have done is still far from enough. If only I had been as industrious and uncompromising as two decades ago, my life could be slightly different! I dare not to imagine how pleasant my life could have become because I have always been a coward,
a quitter , a loser. Namo Amitabha
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