4. A: Having some degree of social bonding at work can be good for both your career and your well-being.
At the same time, I think many people drastically overrate workplace friendships.
Yes, it’s best if everyone gets along, but expecting colleagues to be genuine friends may set the bar too high: The point of work isn’t socializing. It’s work.
For some perspective, I spoke to Morra Aarons-Mele, author of Hiding in the Bathroom.
“Here’s what’s really important at work: feeling good at work,” Aarons-Mele said. “If that, for you, is having people to eat lunch with, then that’s important.”
It doesn’t seem that you have trouble making friends generally.
But given your situation, you could experiment with some of the “baby-step strategies” that a socially anxious person might use, Aarons-Mele said.
If you like your job, it seems to me like a drastic step to leave it because you don’t have coffee pals. It’s worth seeing what’s out there that might make you happier. But it’s also worth seeing if you can find little ways to slightly enhance your relationships with a peer or two, and see how that feels.
5. Annoyed by a Hands-Off Boss
(The Workologist)
Q: The executive director of my small firm believes the best way to manage workers is to leave us to our own devices.
I know that’s better than being a micromanager, but it means that, for example, she tolerates employees’ showing up late (or even taking the day off) without prior notice and without a legitimate reason.
Our performance review is coming up（我们马上要进行绩效考核了）. We are always asked, “What is your opinion of how you are managed?” I want to be honest, but I’m concerned about coming off as spiteful.
So what’s the best way to bring up problems with management to managers? — Anonymous
A: The best managers seek out and appreciate the thoughtful feedback and suggestions of their employees. That said, let’s face it: In real life, nobody enjoys being criticized.
Start by identifying more tangible and neutral problems, and work backward from there. Maybe a client’s concern wasn’t promptly dealt with because X showed up late.【从中立实实在在的问题开始倒推管理中存在的问题】
Now challenge yourself to envision a practical solution. 【指出问题的同时，提出一定建设性意见】Not “Stop being such a lazy manager!” but more along the lines of: Everyone needs to clear any deviations from the regular work schedule in advance, or whatever.【意见需客观有效，而不是只知抱怨】
The ideal situation is to offer enough dispassionate information to prod the boss to reach the right conclusion (that is: the one you want) on her own.
And of course it also helps to lace your critique with (honest) positive feedback. 【三明治批评法则，苦中带点甜】This underscores that you’re not saying everything is terrible — just that some things could be better.
10. You’re Too Busy. You Need a ‘Shultz Hour’
When George Shultz was secretary of state in the 1980s, he liked to carve out one hour each week for quiet reflection. He sat down in his office with a pad of paper and pen, closed the door and told his secretary to interrupt him only if one of two people called:
“My wife or the president,” Shultz recalled.
Shultz, who’s now 96, told me that his hour of solitude was the only way he could find time to think about the strategic aspects of his job. Otherwise, he would be constantly pulled into moment-to-moment tactical issues, never able to focus on larger questions of the national interest. And the only way to do great work, in any field, is to find time to consider the larger questions.
The psychologist Amos Tversky had his own version of this point. “The secret to doing good research is always to be a little underemployed,” Tversky said. “You waste years by not being able to waste hours.”
Likewise, Richard Thaler, the great behavioral economist and a Tversky protégé, self-deprecatingly describes himself as lazy. But Thaler is not lazy, no matter how much he may insist otherwise. He is instead wise enough to know that constant activity isn’t an enjoyable or productive way to live.
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