《今天我终决定不再等待》

《Today I Decided to Stop Waiting for You》

      《今天我终决定不再等待》

Never have I thought that there would come a day that I'd be sure of finally walking away from you.

我从未想过终有一日我将要离开你。

I'd been telling myself that I'd be willing to wait, reassuring myself that one day you'll come back to me and we'd be able to continue where we'd left off; when everything was too beautiful to even believe.

我曾一直告诉我自己，我愿意等你。安慰我自己你会回来我身边，我们可以从我们停下的地方继续开始。那时候想的太美好甚至我自己都无法相信。

These days, however, the thought of you hasn't been clouding my mind anymore. The pain that once held me back from getting out of bed is now long gone.

然而，这些天。一想到你，我不再心神不宁了。那让我起不来床的痛苦的日子已经过去很久了。

When you told me that you hoped we could still be friends, I knew deep inside that it would hurt too much to continue being a part of your life when, clearly, there could be something more.

当你告诉我你希望我们仍然是朋友，我深深地明白，若是再继续成为你生活的一部分，会给你我带来更大的伤害。很显然，还有很多事情等着我。

Now I'm certain that no matter how great our love could have been, I still deserve someone who is willing enough to try and stay no matter the circumstance—something you weren't able to do for the both of us.

如今我确定不论我们的爱有多伟大，我也值得有人不论什么情况都愿意为我尝试，去做那些你不能为我们做的事。

So, despite the fact that I had fallen in love with you more than I could ever with anyone else so far, what I'm trying to say is that maybe it's for the best to move on with my life, and from you, instead of hoping.

所以啊，尽管到如今我和任何人在一起都比不上和你相爱。但是我想说的是，也许从你的生活中消失是最好的事，让我不再抱有希望。

In the end, hope is only a way for me to hold on to fantasy, to the dream of having an “us”.

在最后的结局里，幻想着“我们”的希望是让我唯一可以继续坚持的方式。

Besides, you were already a dream come true. You'd shown me that there are still people who see life in my perspective, who listen, who love like there's no tomorrow.

而你已经梦想成真了。你已告诉我，仍然有些人用我的角度看待这生活，有人去努力听，有人去努力爱，仿佛没有明天一样。

You'd opened my eyes to a new world that's positive and full of contentment. Because of you, I've finally begun to appreciate the value of time. You were my miracle when I was already giving up.

你让我看到了一个充满积极和满足的新世界。因为你，我开始意识到时间的价值，你是我在心灰意冷时世界给我的奇迹。

Anyways, you were right all along when you said I should be thankful. Hopefully enough, you believe me when I say thank you for making my heart feel whole again.

不管怎样，当你和我说我应该时常感激的时候你都是对的。希望你相信我，当我说谢谢你让我的心变得再次完整。

I'm giving you up now, though. I know you're happy wherever you are, you've always been such a joyful person.

虽然我现在要放弃你了。我知道你无论在哪都很快乐，你总是一个那么开心的人。

I hope that, soon enough, I live a life that is surrounded by happiness too.

我相信，不久以后，我的生活也会被快乐开心所环绕。

But if there will ever come a time that we meet coincidentally, or if you come knocking on my door again, maybe I might let you back in.

但是如果我们偶然再相遇，若你要再次敲开我的心门，或许我会再让你进来。

It's just that today, I've finally decided to stop waiting.

但是今天，我终决定不再等待。

——2019.5.7.落落青杨.译